(5-96) I don't know what it is. It felt like the biological clock. As I push through the 40's, I begin to take interest in Zen and Buddhism. Like most Chinese, I was not raised in a religious family. Frankly I don't know too many religious families in Taiwan, where I grew up. Buddhism means a few temples scattered in the rural area. You go there occasionally, like a tourist, take a look at the not so pleasant looking Buddhas. Why then, at the age of 40 I begin to feel the need to search for Buddhism.

I guess it does have something to do with biology. My hair is thinning and turning white. My eyesight is going, I need tri-focals. My teeth are loosening, I begin to like softer foods. My career is going nowhere. I have struggled and achieved. This is it. Where do I go from here?

A Zen master once said: 'When I was 20, I saw a mountain, it was a mountain; water was water. When I was 30, I saw a mountain, it was not a mountain; water was not water. Now I am way passed 40, I see a mountain is a mountain, water is water.' I have gone through the first two stages as described. The third one? I'm not so sure I have fully achieved the state of mind of appreciating things as they are.