%-) User has been staring at a green screen for 15 hours straight.
:*) User is drunk.
[:] User is a robot.
8-) User is wearing sunglasses.
B:-) Sunglasses on head.
::-) User wears normal glasses.
B-) User wears horn-rimmed glasses.
8:-) User is a little girl.
:-)-8 User is a Big girl.
:-{) User has a mustache.
:-{} User wears lipstick.
{:-) User wears a toupee.
}:-( Toupee in an updraft.
:-[ User is a vampire.
:-E Bucktoothed vampire.
:-F Bucktoothed vampire with one tooth missing.
:-7 User just made a wry statement.
:-* User just ate something sour.
:-)~ User drools.
:-~) User has a cold.
:'-( User is crying.
:'-) User is so happy, s/he is crying.
:-@ User is screaming.
:-# User wears braces.
:^) User has a broken nose.
:v) User has a broken nose, but it's the other way.
:_) User's nose is sliding off of his face.
:<) User is from an Ivy League School.
:-& User is tongue tied.
=:-) User is a hosehead.
-:-) User is a punk rocker.
-:-( Real punk rockers don't smile.
:=) User has two noses.
+-:-) User is the Pope or holds some other religious office.
`:-) User shaved one of his eyebrows off this morning.
,:-) Same thing...other side.
|-I User is asleep.
|-O User is yawning/snoring.
:-Q User is a smoker.
:-? User smokes a pipe.
O-) Megaton Man On Patrol! (or else, user is a scuba diver)
O :-) User is an angel (at heart, at least).
:-` User spitting out its chewing tobacco.
:-S User just made an incoherent statement.
:-D User is laughing (at you!)
:-X User's lips are sealed.
:-C User is really bummed.
<|-) User is Chinese.
<|-( User is Chinese and doesn't like these kind of jokes.
:-/ User is skeptical.
C=:-) User is a chef.
@= User is pro-nuclear war.
*<:-) User is wearing a Santa Claus Hat.
:-o Uh oh!
(8-o It's Mr. Bill!
*:o) And Bozo the Clown!
3:] Pet smiley.
3:[ Mean Pet smiley.
d8= Your pet beaver is wearing goggles and a hard hat.
E-:-) User is a Ham radio operator.
:-9 User is licking his/her lips.
%-6 User is braindead.
[:-) User is wearing a walkman.
(:I User is an egghead.
<:-I User is a dunce.
K:P User is a little kid with a propeller beenie.
@:-) User is wearing a turban.
:-0 No Yelling! (Quiet Lab)
:-: Mutant smiley; the invisible smiley.
.-) User only has one eye.
,-) Ditto...but he's winking.
X-( User just died.
8 :-) User is a wizard.
-=* :-) User is a TeX wizard.