The Completely Useless
Howdy. This is the beginnings of the thing that it says in the title (up there^).
It aims to become, when completed, just that. A page of really not very helpful information that should, nevertheless, be known to all true
Samurai Pizza cats fans. Or at least the ones as obsessive as me.
Please note that you won't find much general information here;
this is really only obscenely trivial stuff. But learn it well, Pizza Cat otaku!
Your life could depend on this ... maybe ... one day ...
if you have a really weird life ...
The information is categorised by episode. So now you know. And don't expect any alphabetical order.
More episodes coming one day (maybe)!
STOP DRAGON MY CAT AROUND
***Tokyo, Little : Home of the national tag-team Mah-Jong
Champions, the world's third-largest ball of twine, and the ...
yeah, well, if you didn't already know that it's also home of the Samurai
Pizza Cats, then you've come to the wrong page, buddy.
***Francine, Wisdom of : Tomcats: You can't live with 'em, you can't throw 'em down
a well an' drown 'em.
***Shoes, Nifty : Boy, where did those cats get these things? They can run without moving their legs, they can blow off over-zealous bad guys, and they can even go up and down walls! And I bet they're really useful on a hot day ...
***Guido, Romantic Poetry of : "A pizza without a flower is like a game of squash without a shower". What - does he think he can impress Lucille by talking dirty?
***Politics, Talking : A very bad idea at Lucille's Tea House.
***Council News, Urgent : Sales of widescreen TVs are down.
***Samurai Pizza Cats, Best Thing About the : They deliver.
***Demented Dance of Death and Destruction, the : More fun than pitching water-bombs at a drowning man.
***Schwartz, Miss : Francine's childhood piano teacher, particularly fond of "Kittens on the Keyboard".
***Villains, Academic Achievements of : Bad Bird studied Drama in Junior High (which explains why he constantly over-acts).
***Villains, Follicular Status of : Jerry is extremely bald underneath that helmet. Maybe he should borrow one of Cheese's wigs. Or glue Junior to the top of his head ... or something.
IF YOU KNEW SUSHI LIKE I KNOW SUSHI
***Sushi, Reasons Not To Make Guido Into : He's allergic
to soy sauce and rice makes him sneeze.
***Crows, Ninja : "Former members of the Ice-capades, now gone bad".
***Lucille, Brother of : Wally is allergic to feathers.
Wally sleeps on a foam pillow.
Wally is an idiot for walking home with his eyes closed.
***Weird, Boy Those Cars Are : The Pizza Cat restaurant has a drive-thru window, manned by Francine. This is one of the best parts of the series for pointing out how bizarre Little Tokyo's cars are.
***Oh, Francine ... Say it isn't so! : Francine does not know how to make linguini pizza. It's obviously time she was replaced.
***Cerviche, Speedy : "A squirrel's idea of heaven".
***Little Tokyo Home For Wayward Girls, the : Guido's favourite place to deliver to.
***He was a what?! : Lucille's brother Wally is a former sumo wrestler. Now ... is it just me, or does that sound about as likely as the Big Cheese being a nun? Oh ... hang on ... the Big Cheese having been a nun actually *is* pretty likely ...
***Eyebrow Humour : Absolute confirmation that the Big Cheese isn't quite right in the head.
***Launch Sequence, Puzzling : What happens to the giant bullets?
***"On The Next Pizza Cats", Dodgy Dubbing Of : Hello? Excuse me? Since when did Jerry and Lucille sound like *that*???
UNDERGROUND, UNDERWATER, UNDERCOKKED
***Gorgonzola Gang, The : Yes, this is the name of the
organisation the Big Cheese is a part of.
***Punishment, The Ultimate : "None of you will be invited to my birthday party!"
***Helmets, The Cats' : There's lights on those big helmets, you know. Makes things easier when it's dark, is why.
***Tokagawatunabreath : A previous Emperor of Little Tokyo, inordinately fond of eating fish. He created laws preventing anyone other than himself owning or eating seafood.
***Underground : A bad place to be with Lucille.
***Under a Lake : A bad place Speedy has a cousin in Cleveland.
***Mentor, Guido's : Guido was taught by Fred Astaire.
***Ginzu, Creation of : Speedy's sword was forged by the SmeltMasters of the Ancient Shoguns. Yay!
THE GREAT GOLDEN CLUCK
***Inflation, Negative Effects Of : The price of healthcare
is going up everywhere. Why should miracles be any different?
***Most Important Question, The : Will Tanya find True Love with Jeremy?
***Old Man Monkeybags : The Richest Chimpanzee in Little Tokyo.
***Minor Villains, Endurance of : Ninja Crows cave quickly.
***Major Villains, Unpopular Foods Amongst : Bad Bird hates garlic.
***Fishheads, Bowling For : Francine's favourite TV show.
