Hello to you. My name, it is Zelko Karlovic. In the Old Country, we had nothing to eat but the yams. It was a sad country.
Yams are good food.
Eight yams...are too much food.
That would be two of the many sayings on yams we had in the Old Country.
Here are more yam wisdoms than you could stand, I bet
Yams...are...so...YAM-A-LICIOUS!!
The National Yam Marketing Board never could come up with a good slogan.
"Never underestimate the power of yams," my Granma would say.
She was a fuckin' loon.
"Have you driven a yam lately?" Granpa would say.
We had to kill him eventually.
"Plant your dead grannies and grampies in the fields this year, you will have good yam crop no fear."
That is our national motto.
Fucked up country, I always said.
"Stick a yam up your butt,
you'll be sorry, you bet!"
That was another thing we said in the old country.
Man, were they right!
"Throw yams at the police of the United States,
In jail you'll be stamping out license plates"
That turned out to be true, too.
A yam did save my life once, though.
Indirectly.
A guy choked to death on one, and, hey, he could have dropped a safe on my head!
One less yam related fatality, in my mind.
"I never met a yam I didn't like," I always said, till I met this one yam.
Once in Yamsylvania, we had the potato famine. Which did not upset us because, hey, we eat only yams! Then we realized it is better to starve on potatoes than eat yams. We became so poor we had to raise monkeys for their fur. OK, we raised them for their pleasant smell and many tasty parasites. The kids today, tell them about parasite stew, and they look at you like you're some kind of nutty man, crazed from yam poisoning.
We fed the monkeys bananas, or as we called them in those days which are days gone so we call those "Gone Days," but we called them not bananas but yellow slipperies. Which was too long so then we called them bricks, which sadly led to confusion and several collapsed buildings.
The fur was warm and smelled of monkeys.
Mind you, the only 2 things you could do with monkey fur in those days was either trade it for a better type of monkey fur, or yams. Boy, did we eat a lot of yams. Yam soup, yam stew, yam pudding pops, tossed yam salad with Thousand Yam dressing, yam Spam, and for breakfast either Frosted Yam Flakes or Cap'n Crunch with Yamberries. With yam milk. Ever try to milk a yam? It's a lotta work. Course, milking a monkey's worse. They'll claw your face off.
Mind you, a hairless monkey is an ungrateful critter.
Give a hairless monkey a yam, and he acts like its some kind of insult.
Perhaps you have come not for the yams but for the funny Sailor Moon comic book?
Here it is
Or the Inexplicable Object the Week, yes?
The InExOb is a
As you read them, ask yourself: "What have yams done for me lately?" You will find no answer.
updated at gunpoint 01102004
Since 12/19/97
 This Gone Bananas! site is for to be
owned by Zelko Karlovic. I am with the hoping there is the like on the part of you. |
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