Computer Daft Definitions

Last Updated On: December 21, 2005


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Computer
A device designed to speed and automate errors.

 

 

Alphabetical List

 

404
Someone who's clueless. "Don't bother asking him; he's 404." From the WWW error message "404 Not Found", meaning the requested document couldn't be located.
Blamestorming
Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
Cube Farm
An office filled with cubicles.
Cursor
Someone who swears a lot.
Cursor Keys
What to do when you lose your keys.
Debugger
Insect repellant.
dBase III
A disgraced trio.
dBase III plus
A more disgraced trio.
Ego Surfing
Scanning the Net, databases, print media and so on, looking for references to one's own name.
File
What you use to trim uneven nails.
File Retrieval
The process of getting the file back from your friend.
Graphics Tablet
A pill for mastering art.
Hardware
Umbrellas, Raincoats, Gumboots, etc.
Software
Underclothes.
Firmware
A contraceptive.
Software Pirate
An undergarment smuggler.
Feedback
Vomitting.
Positive feedback
A vomitting session in which one feels better.
Negative feedback
A vomitting session in which one feels worse.
Hard Disk
Any album by a heavy metal rock band (like Judas Priest, AC/DC).
Idea Hamsters
People who always seem to have their idea generators running.
Joystick
An elated walking cane.
Keyboard
A place where one keeps the keys.
Keyboard Plaque
The disgusting buildup of dirt and crud found on computer keyboards.
Logic
The art of being wrong with confidence.
Memory
What an amnesiac’s trying to recollect.
Memory Resident
Something that you remember for a long time.
Microwave
Signal from a friendly micro.
Monitor
The teacher's pet.
Mouse Potato
The online, wired generation's answer to the couch potato.
Multitasking
Screwing up several things at once.
Ohnosecond
That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake.
Prairie Dogging
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cubefarm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on.
PROM
A high school term-end dance.
EPROM
What to do after an unsuccessful PROM
EEPROM
What to do after an unsuccessful EPROM.
Static RAM
A lethargic male sheep.
Dynamic RAM
An energetic male sheep.
Spreadsheet
An unfolded bedcover.
Serial port
A harbor that accomodates only one ship at a time.
Space bar
A booze joint on the moon.
Syntax
Levy on adultery.
Treeware
Hacker slang for documentation or other printed material.
Tristate
A statement made by three people.
Uninstalled
Euphemism for being fired.
Windows 95
32-bit extensions and a graphical shell for a 16-bit patch to an 8-bit operating system originally coded for a 4-bit microprocessor, written by a 2-bit company that can't stand 1 bit of competition.
Xerox Subsidy
Euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace.

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