In Memoriam
C.T.W.
Sometime Trooper of the Royal Horse Guards.
Obiit H.M. Prison, Reading, Berkshire,
July 7th, 1896
I
He did not wear his scarlet coat,
...For blood and wine are red,
And blood and wine were on his hands
....When they found him with the dead,
The poor dead woman whom he loved,
.... And murdered in her bed.
He walked amongst the Trial Men
.... In a suit of shabby gray;
A cricket cap was on his head,
.... And his step seemed light and gay;
But I never saw a man who looked
....So wistfully at the day.
I never saw a man who looked
....With such a wistful eye
Upon that little tent of blue
....Which prisoners call the sky,
And at every drifting cloud that went
....With sails of silver by.
I walked, with other souls in pain,
....Within another ring,
And was wondering if the man had done
....A great or little thing,
When a voice behind me whispered low,
....That fellows got to swing
Dear Christ! the very prison walls
....Suddenly seemed to reel,
And the sky above my head became
....Like a casque of scorching steel;
And, though I was a soul in pain,
....My pain I could not feel.
I only knew what hunted thought
....Quickened his step, and why
He looked upon the garish day
....With such a wistful eye;
The man had killed the thing he loved
....And so he had to die.
Yet each man kills the thing he loves,
....By each let this be heard,
Some do it with a bitter look,
....Some with a flattering word,
The coward does it with a kiss,
....The brave man with a sword!
Some kill their love when they are young,
.....And some when they are old;
Some strangle with the hands of Lust,
....Some with the hands of Gold:
The kindest use a knife, because
....The dead so soon grow cold.
Some love too little, some too long,
....Some sell, and others buy;
Some do the deed with many tears,
....And some without a sigh:
For each man kills the thing he loves,
....Yet each man does not die.
He does not die a death of shame
....On a day of dark disgrace,
Nor have a noose about his neck,
....Nor a cloth upon his face,
Nor drop feet foremost through the floor
....Into an empty space.
He does not sit with silent men
.....Who watch him night and day;
Who watch him when he tries to weep,
.....And when he tries to pray;
Who watch him lest himself should rob
....The prison of its prey.
He does not wake at dawn to see
....Dread figures throng his room,
The shivering Chaplain robed in white,
....The Sheriff stern with gloom,
And the Governor all in shiny black,
....With the yellow face of Doom.
He does not rise in piteous haste
....To put on convict-clothes,
While some coarse-mouthed Doctor gloats, and notes
....Each new and nerve-twitched pose,
Fingering a watch whose little ticks
....Are like horrible hammer-blows.
He does not know that sickening thirst
....That sands one's throat, before
The hangman with his gardener's gloves
....Slips through the padded door,
And binds one with three leathern thongs,
....That the throat may thirst no more.
He does not bend his head to hear
....The Burial Office read,
Nor, while the terror of his soul
....Tells him he is not dead,
Cross his own coffin, as he moves
....Into the hideous shed.
He does not stare upon the air
....Through a little roof of glass;
He does not pray with lips of clay
....For his agony to pass;
Nor feel upon his shuddering cheek
....The kiss of Caiaphas.
II
Six weeks our guardsman walked the yard,
....In the suit of shabby gray:
His cricket cap was on his head,
....And his step seemed light and gay,
But I never saw a man who looked
....So wistfully at the day.
I never saw a man who looked
....With such a wistful eye
Upon that little tent of blue
....Which prisoners call the sky,
And at every wandering cloud that trailed
....Its ravelled fleeces by.
He did not wring his hands, as do
....Those witless men who dare
To try to rear the changeling Hope
....In the cave of black Despair:
He only looked upon the sun,
....And drank the morning air.
He did not wring his hands nor weep,
....Nor did he peek or pine,
But he drank the air as though it held
....Some healthful anodyne;
With open mouth he drank the sun
....As though it had been wine!
And I and all the souls in pain,
....Who tramped the other ring,
Forgot if we ourselves had done
....A great or little thing,
And watched with gaze of dull amaze
....The man who had to swing.
And strange it was to see him pass
....With a step so light and gay,
And strange it was to see him look
....So wistfully at the day,
And strange it was to think that he
....Had such a debt to pay.
For oak and elm have pleasant leaves
....That in the spring-time shoot:
But grim to see is the gallows-tree,
....With its adder-bitten root,
And, green or dry, a man must die
....Before it bears its fruit!
The loftiest place is that seat of grace
....For which all worldlings try:
But who would stand in hempen band
....Upon a scaffold high,
And through a murderer's collar take
....His last look at the sky?
It is sweet to dance to violins
....When Love and Life are fair:
To dance to flutes, to dance to lutes
....Is delicate and rare:
But it is not sweet with nimble feet
....To dance upon the air!
So with curious eyes and sick surmise
....We watched him day by day,
And wondered if each one of us
....Would end the self-same way,
For none can tell to what red Hell
....His sightless soul may stray.
At last the dead man walked no more
....Amongst the Trial Men,
And I knew that he was standing up
....In the black dock's dreadful pen,
And that never would I see his face
....In God's sweet world again.
Like two doomed ships that pass in storm
....We had crossed each other's way:
But we made no sign, we said no word,
....We had no word to say;
For we did not meet in the holy night,
....But in the shameful day.
A prison wall was round us both,
....Two outcast men were we:
The world had thrust us from its heart,
....And God from out His care:
And the iron gin that waits for Sin
....Had caught us in its snare.
III
In Debtors' Yard the stones are hard,
....And the dripping wall is high,
So it was there he took the air
....Beneath the leaden sky,
And by each side a Warder walked,
....For fear the man might die.
Or else he sat with those who watched
....His anguish night and day;
Who watched him when he rose to weep,
....And when he crouched to pray;
Who watched him lest himself should rob
....Their scaffold of its prey.
The Governor was strong upon
....The Regulations Act:
The Doctor said that Death was but
....A scientific fact:
And twice a day the Chaplain called,
....And left a little tract.
And twice a day he smoked his pipe,
....And drank his quart of beer:
His soul was resolute, and held
....No hiding-place for fear;
He often said that he was glad
....The hangman's hands were near.
But why he said so strange a thing
....No Warder dared to ask:
For he to whom a watcher's doom
....Is given as his task,
Must set a lock upon his lips,
....And make his face a mask.
Or else he might be moved, and try
....To comfort or console:
And what should Human Pity do
....Pent up in Murderers' Hole?
What word of grace in such a place
....Could help a brother's soul?
With slouch and swing around the ring
....We trod the Fools' Parade!
We did not care: we knew we were
....The Devil's Own Brigade:
And shaven head and feet of lead
....Make a merry masquerade.
We tore the tarry rope to shreds
....With blunt and bleeding nails;
We rubbed the doors, and scrubbed the floors,
....And cleaned the shining rails:
And, rank by rank, we soaped the plank,
....And clattered with the pails.
We sewed the sacks, we broke the stones,
....We turned the dusty drill:
We banged the tins, and bawled the hymns,
....And sweated on the mill:
But in the heart of every man
....Terror was lying still.
So still it lay that every day
....Crawled like a weed-clogged wave:
And we forgot the bitter lot
....That waits for fool and knave,
Till once, as we tramped in from work,
....We passed an open grave.
With yawning mouth the yellow hole
....Gaped for a living thing;
The very mud cried out for blood
....To the thirsty asphalte ring:
And we knew that ere one dawn grew fair
....Some prisoner had to swing.
Right in we went, with soul intent
....On Death and Dread and Doom:
The hangman, with his little bag,
....Went shuffling through the gloom:
And each man trembled as he crept
....Into his numbered tomb.
That night the empty corridors
....Were full of forms of Fear,
And up and down the iron town
....Stole feet we could not hear,
And through the bars that hide the stars
....White faces seemed to peer.
He lay as one who lies and dreams
....In a pleasant meadow-land,
The watcher watched him as he slept,
....And could not understand
How one could sleep so sweet a sleep
....With a hangman close at hand.
But there is no sleep when men must weep
....Who never yet have wept:
So we " the fool, the fraud, the knave "
....That endless vigil kept,
And through each brain on hands of pain
....Another's terror crept.
Alas! it is a fearful thing
....To feel another's guilt!
For, right within, the sword of Sin
....Pierced to its poisoned hilt,
And as molten lead were the tears we shed
....For the blood we had not spilt.
The Warders with their shoes of felt
....Crept by each padlocked door,
And peeped and saw, with eyes of awe,
....Gray figures on the floor,
And wondered why men knelt to pray
....Who never prayed before.
All through the night we knelt and prayed,
....Mad mourners of a corse!
The troubled plumes of midnight were
....The plumes upon a hearse:
And bitter wine upon a sponge
...Was the savour of Remorse.
The gray cock crew, the red cock crew,
....But never came the day:
And crooked shapes of Terror crouched,
...In the corners where we lay:
And each evil sprite that walks by night
....Before us seemed to play.
They glided past, they glided fast,
....Like travellers through a mist:
They mocked the moon in a rigadoon
....Of delicate turn and twist,
And with formal pace and loathsome grace
....The phantoms kept their tryst.
With mop and mow we saw them go,
....Slim shadows hand in hand:
About, about, in ghostly rout
....They trod a saraband:
And the damned grotesques made arabesques,
....Like the wind upon the sand!
With the pirouettes of marionettes,
....They tripped on pointed tread:
But with flutes of Fear they filled the ear,
....As their grisly masque they led,
And loud they sang, and long they sang,
....For they sang to wake the dead.
Oho! they cried, The world is wide,
....But fettered limbs go lame!
And once, or twice, to throw the dice
....Is a gentlemanly game,
But he does not win who plays with Sin
....In the secret House of Shame;
No things of air these antics were,
....That frolicked with such glee:
To men whose lives were held in gyves,
....And whose feet might not go free,
Ah! wounds of Christ! they were living things,
....Most terrible to see.
Around, around, they waltzed and wound;
....Some wheeled in smirking pairs;
With the mincing step of demirep
....Some sidled up the stairs:
And with subtle sneer, and fawning leer,
....Each helped us at our prayers.
The morning wind began to moan,
....But still the night went on:
Through its giant loom the web of gloom
....Crept till each thread was spun:
And, as we prayed, we grew afraid
....Of the Justice of the Sun.
The moaning wind went wandering round
....The weeping prison-wall:
Till like a wheel of turning steel
....We felt the minutes crawl:
O moaning wind! what had we done
....To have such a seneschal?
At last I saw the shadowed bars
....Like a lattice wrought in lead,
Move right across the whitewashed wall
....That faced my three-plank bed,
And I knew that somewhere in the world
....God's dreadful dawn was red.
At six o'clock we cleaned our cells,
....At seven all was still,
But the sough and swing of a mighty wing
....The prison seemed to fill,
For the Lord of Death with icy breath
....Had entered in to kill.
He did not pass in purple pomp,
....Nor ride a moon-white steed.
Three yards of cord and a sliding board
....Are all the gallows' need:
So with rope of shame the Herald came
....To do the secret deed.
We were as men who through a fen
....Of filthy darkness grope:
We did not dare to breathe a prayer,
....Or give our anguish scope:
Something was dead in each of us,
….And what was dead was Hope.
For Man's grim Justice goes its way,
....And will not swerve aside:
It slays the weak, it slays the strong,
....It has a deadly stride:
With iron heel it slays the strong,
....The monstrous parricide!
We waited for the stroke of eight:
....Each tongue was thick with thirst:
For the stroke of eight is the stroke of Fate
....That makes a man accursed,
And Fate will use a running noose
....For the best man and the worst.
We had no other thing to do,
….Save to wait for the sign to come:
So, like things of stone in a valley lone,
....Quiet we sat and dumb:
But each man's heart beat thick and quick,
....Like a madman on a drum!
With sudden shock the prison-clock
....Smote on the shivering air,
And from all the gaol rose up a wail
....Of impotent despair,
Like the sound that frightened marshes hear
....From a leper in his lair.
And as one sees most fearful things
....In the crystal of a dream,
We saw the greasy hempen rope
....Hooked to the blackened beam,
And heard the prayer the hangman's snare
….Strangled into a scream.
And all the woe that moved him so
....That he gave that bitter cry,
And the wild regrets, and the bloody sweats,
....None knew so well as I:
For he who lives more lives than one
....More deaths than one must die.
Bibliographic Notes:
First published in 1898, as a book.. The first six editions were published under the pseudonym of C.3.3
(Wilde's cell block number at the gaol); later editions added Wilde's name.The "C.T.W"; of the dedication, and the subject of the poem, was Charles Thomas Wooldridge.
