Centaur Aisle
by Piers Anthony
first published 1981.
For example, you MAY have though the word-processing spell-checker a modern literacy- saviour.But the Xanth Spelling-Bees have been around a lot longer! Capture a Spelling-Bee, and it is obliged to spell whatever you ask of it to earn its freedom. Trouble is, Spelling Bees aren't all that bright, and don't really like their assigned talent, so they neglect to prompt you for the context of each word used.You have to be very careful indeed with your use of homonyms! (Does this sound at all familiar, alphageeks!
In the land of Xanth, no woman may rule, and only a true magician can be King. And King is what dyslexic teenager, Dor, has to be when the real King and Queen travel clandestinely to non-magic Mundania and don't return on time. So Dor must take their daughter, Irene, to Mundania to find them, accompanied by his support group: a golem, a centaur and an ogre! For Xanth is a truly magical land,where every citizen has at least one special magical talent, and even inanimate objects have their little animate ways! If fact, if you can think of a supernatural being or power, you'll find it somewhere in Xanth!( definitely a place we would `not otherwise have visited'!) Naturally the story soon develops into a goodies-versus-baddies battle, but with a twist! For this book is obviously written by someone who feels that fantasy should be FUN!...and who clearly enjoys using puns and clever word-plays to attack more than a few sacred cows and socially fashionable attitudes.
And if you think YOU'VE been to the `Wedding From Hell', invite yourself to the nuptials of the Gorgon and the Magician, at which poor Dor must officiate, (remember, he's dyslexic!) only to discover that one of the trainbearers has the talent to change print on a page....from a distance! And where the ring protests at being placed on a Gorgon's finger...and where so many of the citizens are actually wedding guests that there's a labour shortage, so that the Zombie Master must hire zombies to serve the wedding feast:
`....Dor peered. Sure enough, Zombies in tuxedos and formal gowns were serving the delicacies. Gobbets of rot were mixing with the cake, and yellowish drool was dripping in the punch. The appetite of the guests seemed to be diminishing.....'
Of course, in the end, Alls Well That Ends Well ...the King and Queen are rescued, warring factions reunited, and Dor left to get on with his growing up and his courtship of Irene...which, true to the spirit of the story, is NOT going to be plain sailing since Women's Lib seems to have hit Xanth in a big way! And did I happen to mention that Night Mares in Xanth actually leave footprints? Poor Dor's bedroom floor is a real mess! Yes, seriously funny stuff this. Read `Centaur Aisle', remember that Spelling Bee and smile! Then, if you can get hold of them read the other titles written in this vein:
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