The passage of time usually moves so slowly that I don't notice until it sneaks up on me. Baby fat slowly disappears as wrinkles start their growth. A patch of grey hair quietly arrives as I begin to accept that I truly am an adult. Somehow, without any warning, it seems that time has slipped through my youth, causing it to fall away and leaving me stranded, an adult in a world of other adults doing adult things- and enjoying it! Long gone are the days when a big night out means lots of loud music and beer, replaced by the thrill of a quiet dinner with Andrea and some hard-core snuggling. It is time to face the harsh reality: I'm a grown up.

There was once a time when I was a wild woman. Perhaps not as wild as some others, but a great deal more reckless than I am these days. My extra income was devoted almost entirely to the purchase of beer, and investment which has yielded me an extra 25 pounds or so that I still can't shake. I floated from party to party, bar to bar, searching for some kind of meaning that just wasn't there. These days, I'm done with that kind of life, yet I catch a great deal of flak from my friends who find some solace in that kind of life. They seem to think that I'm pathetic for shunning the noise, crowds and smoke of a bar in favor of a soda and popcorn at the movies.

While I've been struggling with this transition for quite some time, it really hit home the other day. My office mate wanted to listen to the 'oldies' station on the radio. I expected to hear the usual oldies stuff- Beatles, Rolling Stones, Fleetwood Mac, etc. Imagine my great chagrin when the songs that came on weren't oldies, they were songs from my youth and adolescence! There must have been some kind of mistake, there is no way that Cyndi Lauper tunes qualify as oldies. Oldies are the music of my friends' parents, the music that filled their ears as they lived through the free love of the 1970's, not the music that marked my own passage from childhood into adolescence.

As Joan Jett sang on about her love of Rock and Roll, I clutched at my car keys, trying desperately to stay away from that awful, awkward time when the song was at it's peak. I can't imagine that I will ever get used to hearing those songs in the context of oldies. It's as if I've been categorically moved into the adult world, the 'Classic Rock' world without anyone bothering to ask me.

While I have known all along that someday my youth would be a thing of the past, it's rather difficult to accept now that it's happened. Now that I've reached the ripe old age of 25, there are no great frontiers to look forward to. I can get into bars, vote, and get a rental car. The next big age bracket is 59 and a half, when I can access my IRA. That's a whole lot less exciting than trying to get into bars and first loves. Have all the grand dreams of my youth reduced to a few songs scattered through the airwaves as my life turned from a great far-away land of promise to everyday reality?

I realize that I am living many of those dreams every day as I do things that I've started to take for granted. I drive my own car, have no curfew and of course the best part- I can sleep with my girlfriend every night! I have a degree and I actually use it at my job, but I still can't help but wonder where the time has gone. Living those dreams is fine but what's left to dream about? Withdrawing my IRA? It's not the same as my first car or first love.

I struggle to find solace in the everyday comforts that surround me- waking up with a wonderful partner, the financial benefits of a good job, the car of my dreams. It's not as if I've completely given up the joys of childhood, we still play video games and stay up late every night - just because we can. I guess I'm looking for the middle ground between wild exhilaration and the doldrums of everyday life. Although, the more I think about it, the more I see that I've found it already.