- 1 -

Caring for the sick and the elderly is a chore to some, a job to others, and a joy but to a precious few. There is no glamour in cleaning up the man who cannot clean himself, but there is a certain satisfaction in making the way more pleasant for those unable to help themselves.

"Our family history happens here."

Mabel was tired of defending her right to live at home. At 93, she hadn't had anyone making decisions for her in a long time and she wasn't about to let her children start now.

"You all were born in this house, I raised you here, your father died here, and so will I."

Despite her failing health, her mind remained sharp. Nobody would tell her where to live. She lived right here, on the farm she and her husband had purchased in 1920. They had survived the depression by eating only what they could grow on their land. Thanks to a government contract to grow corn for the boys overseas, they prospered during World War II. During those years, they made enough extra money to pay off the mortgage and save a little on the side. The farm had provided for their family all those years. Mabel and Bob had owned their land outright since just before the war's end.

Each trip down what used to be her driveway, took Mabel back to the prosperous days before she had become became a young widow with 3 small children. She and Bob were so happy then, watching the children grow and earning a decent living from their crops. Until the day when Bob wasn't paying attention as he drove the tractor right into a ditch. The tractor flipped over, pinning him face-down in the mud. Unable to move his head to breathe, Bob suffocated and died when he was only 31, leaving Mabel the sole support for their young family.

Mabel would have liked to spend weeks in bed mourning her one true love, but there were crops to harvest and children to feed, so she was up the day after the funeral tending the farm. Out of necessity she taught Paul and Christine, then 12 and 10, to work by her side while little 4 year old Duane wailed inconsolably in the corner of the barn for his father. Mabel felt a pang of jealousy, for the little boy was able to wail the way she desperately wanted to, while she was milking the cows to put food on the table.

Bob's death left no room in Mabel's life for anything other than the family and the farm. Each night she went straight to sleep, grateful for the exhaustion that let her sleep despite Bob's now empty space on the bed beside her. Mabel quickly learned to be self-sufficient. Since everything had been in Bob's name, she had to establish credit and change the utilities to her name. She learned to drive both the car and the tractor and to change light bulbs. Nothing got in her way of raising good kids.

The years wore on and Mable gradually adjusted to life as a widow. She traded in the big bed she'd shared with Bob for a twin size that didn't feel so lonely. She learned enough about farming to keep the kids eating and in clothes that fit. Her efforts paid off and the kids grew up healthy, strong, and smart. Mabel was proud that she'd pulled herself together enough to be the kind of parent that they'd needed. But as the children entered high school, she began to see that despite her best efforts, the farm was no longer generating enough money to keep her family afloat.

Mabel wasn't much of a farmer. Without Bob, she didn't have the skills to make a living off the land the way Bob had. She told the kids that she was knew a family that wanted to farm, but couldn't buy their own land. The kids stared in disbelief as the family farm became a rental property overnight. She leased out increasingly larger sections of the farm to other families until the long drive to the house was cluttered with the trailers and small houses of the other farmers. Mabel was grateful for the decrease in land to maintain and used her spare time to cultivate friendships with other women in town. Eventually she was asked to join their sewing group, book group, and the bridge group. She became an expert in all three and was grateful for the companionship.

She leased out another parcel of land, and then another, until she was free from farming duties but still had enough money to take care of the family. Her driveway had once been just a driveway, now it was a bona fide street that she had named herself: Hansen Lane. She often wondered why she didn't think of this earlier.

The release from farming was a good move for Mabel and the children. It left all of them the freedom to pursue interests outside of the farm. Paul, the oldest, was the captain of the football team. He was handsome, well-built, and could charm the ladies. He hoped that a football scholarship would take him away from Lima and into the big time. He dated a few girls, but they weren't serious relationships.

Like every boy his age, he couldn't wait to lose his virginity. Unlike many of his peers, he wanted to wait for the right girl. His junior year, he was sure she'd arrived. Ellen's family had moved to Lima that year. She was a pretty brunette and a cheerleader. She earned excellent grades and dreamt of a glamorous career in New York City as a Radio City Rockette.

Mabel's middle child and her only daughter Christine was wooed with a flower and a dance by Dave Collins, a sweet boy who played trumpet. Mabel approved of Dave, he was good to Christine and had a chance of doing well in life. Christine didn't look at another man after Dave held her tight and kissed her on the lips when they were 17. After graduation, they both went up the road to Bowling Green State University. Dave's place on the BG football team offered him the chance to date other girls, but her remained true to Christine. Their relationship continued through college and in the years after. Finally, ten years later, Christine said yes to Dave's proposal and they were married by a Justice of the Peace in Toledo.

Duane was Mabel and Bob's surprise child. Mabel was sure that Christine was to remain the youngest, she didn't really want another child. She and Bob had made love only twice that year, but she knew that she was pregnant again immediately after the second time. Mabel and Bob were upset at first, but in time grew to love the idea of the new baby. By this time, Paul and Christine knew about the birds and the bees. They greeted Mabel's announcement of the pregnancy with snickers. "I know what you did," an insolent Christine said.

Christine's enthusiasm for the new baby faded away with the slap of Bob's hand across her face.

Duane's birth was easy. It took only 6 hours for him to enter the world. He was born on the weekend so Bob dropped Mabel off at the hospital and took care of the other two while Mabel became a mother for the third time. Duane was an angel. He rarely cried and spent his days smiling at his family, as if to say "See, you didn't expect me, but I'm worth it."

Duane was always the good boy. He got good grades and stayed out of trouble when he was young. He struggled constantly to have even half the academic and social success his siblings seemed to get in their sleep.

Now all three children were in Mabel's kitchen, where so many important family decisions had been made. Leasing more of the farm, leaving Duane on his own to fight the addiction that threatened to take his life, helping Paul take custody of his kids as his ex-wife lay dying. Big decisions and the smaller decisions of everyday life had happened around Mabel's kitchen table. She had been holding court here for over 70 years.

The somber look on their faces gave away what they were trying to hide: Mabel couldn't stay at home anymore without help. Mabel resisted what her children were trying to tell her. She could still get herself out of bed and get dressed everyday. The extensions on her toilets made it easier, as did the bench in the bathtub and the chair that she rode upstairs. She had that "Help! I've fallen and can't get up" gadget that she bought off the TV. It would send an ambulance if she pressed the button. After it arrived, she'd pushed the button just to make sure it would work. There was no way something like that could go untested in her home. What if it didn't work when she needed it? She was ready to call those MedAlert and complain if it didn't work. Tricking old ladies out of hundreds of dollars was no laughing matter. She'd sue if she had to!

But the ambulance had arrived 10 minutes later with it's lights flashing and sirens blaring, ready to fix her up. She thanked them for checking and sent the befuddled crew on their way. A young police officer stopped by later to explain that by pushing that button she had committed a crime. Other people who were actually hurt had to wait longer for the ambulance. Mabel didn't apologize, she was relieved that the thing worked and hadn't known how else to test it. No matter how he tried to put it, Mabel couldn't see that she'd done something wrong. The officer gave up and went on his way.

Mabel's "old lady devices" as she called them, had been financed by selling part of the farm. They were what enabled her to stay in her house, so she couldn't complain about the drain on her estate. Besides, she didn't need the money where she was going, she just needed to be comfortable now. Paul and Christine lived nearby and helped out as much as they could. Paul had set up her grocery delivery service, twice a week the delivery man came by with milk, bread, and the occasional pack of cigarettes that was their special secret. Christine came by every day to check on her.

Mabel was as self-sufficient as she could be, but living alone was sometimes a lonely experience. Fits of loneliness had her walking through the house, talking to Bob. Some days, she still missed him so much that she couldn't bear to be in the house that they had shared.

Christine and Mabel had never been close. Christine and her father had shared a bond that Mabel couldn't penetrate. Bob's sudden death shut off a part of Christine that Mabel couldn't reach. Mabel wasn't sure who was more devastated by the loss, Mabel or Christine. She tried her best to reach the girl, but never penetrated the pain that her father's death had caused. Christine cared for her mother, but she was ready for a break from the day-to-day maintenance Mabel now required.

The brochures from the Village, the retirement community just down the road, and from Sunnyside, an assisted living facility, were spread on the table. Given a choice, Mabel would choose the Village, but she didn't want the kids to know she was even considering this move.

The Village had a semblance of normal life. Many of the residents lived in small apartments close to the main building. They backed up to a wooded area, so it seemed almost like they had chosen to live there. For an extra monthly fee, residents could come to the dining hall every and have a healthy, tasteless meal in the company of drooling people in wheelchairs. Every effort was made to keep the Village a community. Small buses took residents to the shopping mall, or to doctor appointment. Residents wore street clothes every day, only those in long term care at the Village's on site hospital wore bedclothes.

Sunnyside was where people went to die. It was essentially a hospital where people lived. There were no private rooms at Sunnyside and no regular beds. Every bed was a hospital room, every floor covered in tile for easy clean up. Every shower had bars and a chair like Mabel had at home, but at home Mabel could walk into her kitchen and make a pot of coffee anytime she liked. Sunnyside's residents could only eat at the specified meal times and they could not keep food in their rooms. Residents did not go to the shopping mall. Many of the residents had no idea what a shopping mall was. Trips to doctors were made in ambulances. The rules were more restrictive than a prison. The sad part was, most of the residents weren't even aware of the rules.

Mabel made it perfectly clear that she was not going there.

Her family tried in vain to change her mind. They pointed animatedly to the brochures. Mabel wasn't fooled by their glossy covers. Both showed happy, active grey-haired folks milling about, enjoying meals in the dining room, and playing cards or bingo. Mabel wondered where the pictures of the guy who was getting his ass wiped or the woman who couldn't remember her own name were. She had friends in those places, she knew what they were like. She'd be damned if she was going to live there.

"No, damn it. I live here." By this point, Mabel was practically shouting.

"But Mom, we don't have the resources to keep you here." Paul was trying remain calm, but his patience was running out. "I don't have the money to hire help for you, neither does Christine."

Duane was silent. After years of battling drugs and alcohol, he had finally managed to stay clean for almost two years. He lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment that his job at Goodwill helped pay for. He had no savings, no means of helping his mother. For now, it was enough that he could be at this table and coherent while they struggled with Mabel's future.

To Mabel, a move from her home meant certain death. She hated the way those places smelled, how the hallways were filled with drooling people in wheelchairs. Every time she visited her friend at Sunnyside, she was frightened by the woman who sat by the door crying "Help me, help me." to everyone who walked by. Mabel didn't want to be that woman, or be anywhere near her. And there was one like her in every nursing home.

Besides, those places didn't have blackjack or poker tournaments, they only had bingo. Bingo was boring. Mabel would rather play blackjack fast and loose with nickels than wait for the stupid bingo balls come out of the cage. She would never get away with her daily swig of booze in there.

"No. I'm not going. And that's final. You kids go home and I'll take care of myself."

The kids didn't move. They all knew that Mabel was no longer capable of taking care of herself. They wondered how she'd made it this far without burning the house down or electrocuting herself in the bathtub. More than once, Christine and Paul had come home to Mabel wearing only her fuzzy slippers or drinking whisky and wandering around looking for the glasses that were on her face or reliving an old argument with Bob.

Christine didn't want to remind her that she'd signed a Power of Attorney giving Paul the right to make decisions on her behalf. It was their trump card but she didn't want to force her mother into anything. She wanted this decision to be Mabel's.

The kids were as stubborn as Mabel and wouldn't leave. Daylight was slipping away as each side stood their ground. By all accounts, they had reached a stalemate. Christine's husband Dave stopped by to drop off some pizza so they didn't starve during battle. He knew better than to stick around for this discussion and excused himself quickly.

"Mom, we'd love to have you stay here, but it 's just not practical." Paul was always talking about practicality. His whole life, he'd been accounting for everything and never did anything to excess.

Neither Paul nor Christine brought up the possibility of Mabel living with them. That was a new level of stress that they weren't willing to introduce. Before coming over today, they'd decided that getting Mabel into the Village was the best course of action.

They all knew that even if she sold the farm, there would be barely enough money to cover Mabel's move to the nursing home. There was the initial buy in, then the monthly rent. If all went well, she'd have enough to cover a 3 year stay that ended in assisted living. Medicare would take over after her savings ran out, but there wouldn't be any money left over for the "extras" Medicare didn't cover.

If Mabel put her name on the waiting list now, she could be in the home within a few months. Mabel knew all too well what that meant. She would only have to wait for some other geezer to die so she could take their place. Mabel couldn't think of one positive thing about moving out of her home.

She didn't want to eat with people who drooled or live in one room when she'd had a house to herself all these years. She didn't need a nurse coming by with her blood pressure medication or to take her temperature or ask if she'd had a bowel movement. It was one thing to have a healthy appreciation for flatulence, quite another to discuss the aftereffects right there in the open. No thank you, that life was not for her. Not today, and not ever if she could help it.

Mabel knew it was time to reveal her secret or the kids would put her in one of those hellholes to die. And Mabel sure as hell wasn't ready to call it quits yet.

"I've got some money."

The room grew silent.

"What do you mean, Mom?" Duane asked. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Your father bought some stock in some computer company a long time ago. IBM or some cockamamey company like that. I have no idea why he bought it, I didn't even know he had it until after he died. I found the stock certificate with her papers, but ignored it until the other day. I had a feeling you kids would pull a stunt like this and I wanted to be prepared. I knew I'd need to find some extra money if I was going to stay here. So I called the nice broker that Ethel from my bridge group uses. He told me that it was worth over $500,000. So I told him to sell it. The money is in my bank account now."

The kids were stunned. They didn't know what to say. Mabel had trumped them and they were speechless. Their mother had been sitting on a gold mine all these years and none of them had known. Duane's first thoughts were dreams of the cocaine he could buy with that kind of money. Paul thought of his kids' education. Christine imagined paying off her house with one check.

They snapped back to reality and started outlining what it would take to keep Mabel at home. Once they found their solution, they wondered why they hadn't come up with it sooner.

- 2 -

Mabel's granddaughter Courtney lived in Sunnyvale California. She'd always dreamed of living far away from Ohio, so by rights she should be happy. Even though she made a decent living at the Internet company where she worked, it was barely enough to pay for a small studio at the front of a trailer park. She was hard-working but very shy when it came to career advancement. When she was passed over for raises and promotions, she assumed it was because the other people were more qualified. Her boss never volunteered suggestions for improvement and she never asked. Every day she felt increasingly trapped and had no idea how to get out.

Her life was a far cry from the excitement and fun college had been. During college, she'd learned who she was, that she could make friends and take care of herself. She'd also come to accept herself as a gay woman. She was not immune from that awful period that so many gay people go through when they first come out where everything had something to do with being gay.

At one point, Courtney's good friend Mart declared that if you put Courtney in a room with 10 other people, she would say that 8 of them were gay. As always, Mart snapped Courtney back to reality, and she began to work through what it meant to be gay and have a full life at the same time. Courtney was very out, she made no secret of her life with another woman, but also she didn't make a big deal of it. She believed that the only way to gain mainstream acceptance was to show that she was indeed just like everyone else. She went to work, paid her rent, and had an insurance policy like her neighbors and co-workers. Most of her college friends were gay, but as she settled into her life after college, she was pleasantly surprised to discover that she just didn't care who her friends dated. As her company grew from 50 to 500, she was there, subtly shaping it into a gay-friendly, everyone-friendly place to work.

She referred to herself as post-gay. She was no longer interested in going to gay-centered activities or protesting the lack of gay rights. She had done some volunteer writing for a lesbian newsletter, but her articles were dropped from the publication when they stopped being gay enough. Being gay had become a very small part of who she was and it was reflected in her writing. She often told people "It's just not that exciting."

Her whole world was wrapped up in her work. Tammy come to work there a year ago, after her project at Apple was canceled. Almost all of their friends worked there, they spent all day together and then hung out with the group at night. They were all underpaid but accepted it in exchange for the casual culture. Most people wore jeans in the winter, shorts in the summer. Tammy kept a fish tank on her desk and people brought their dogs to work every day. Courtney filled her cubicle with a booming sound system she'd charged to her credit card and her favorite toys. It was a crazy environment, but she loved the people. She also knew that the intensity of it was killing her and that the combination of too many long hours and low pay would one day take it's toll.

She loved her friends but the strain of trying to make ends meet and the consistent lack of recognition at work was getting to her. When an assignment came in marked urgent, she turned the project around in a matter of hours. The man she did the work for were pleased with what she had done. When he stood up at a company party and mentioned the good work someone had done on for him, she started inching forward, to be recognized. The man called her bosses' name and she stopped in her tracks. Her boss was standing in front of the whole company, getting a free dinner for work she had done. She went home early that day, crying because things weren't working out at all the way she'd hoped. How could she get away from all this and into a better situation?

When her mother called, it was to offer a way out of debt and save some money. She did the math as Christine outlined the arrangement. Month after month, she had been using her credit cards to buy groceries until her debt had grown to a staggering amount. Every one of her 8 credit cards was maxed out and the banks wouldn't give her any more. She loved her job, but it barely paid enough to pay the rent and buy a few groceries. She was making no progress on paying off her debt. Courtney was sick of eating ramen noodles. While she was grateful for the 35 pounds she'd lost on her poverty diet, she wanted something better.

Christine was offering her free rent, the use of Mabel's late-model car and $1000 a month in exchange for returning to Ohio to live with Mabel and take care of her. It was less than a nurse would cost and the family was confident that Courtney would take good care of Mabel.

Courtney told her mother she'd think about it and hung up. She looked around her apartment, trying to find a reason not to accept the offer. Her life was reduced to a full-sized bed, a small color TV, and a set of TV trays. Her place was tidy and seemed spacious because she had only the bed for furniture and her cupboards were empty. There was no way she could refuse the deal her mother was offering.

She quit her job, sold her bed, and was on a plane the next week.

-3-

After a long day of travel, Courtney arrived in Detroit but her journey wasn't over. She had two more hours of corn and soybean fields to pass before she reached the end of her road home. The flat landscape of northern Ohio stretched endlessly before her. Mile after mile of fields fly by the window. The only diversion in landscape was Bill's Hill at Bowling Green. The manmade mountain was created with the leftover dirt from the overpass and had been one of her favorite winter spots as a child. Each snowfall brought the students running from their dorms, armed with cafeteria trays as sleds.

The familiar August heat pressed down around her, bringing her back in from the cold into the humid reality of her generic rental car. She could only afford the sub-compact model. It was so generic, she didn't even know the name of it, she just called it a Car.

It seemed so long ago that she had traded this life for the perfect weather and bustle of Silicon Valley, but now here she was, an Ohio resident once again .

After two hours of driving through fields, she pulled into the road that was once a driveway. She waved at the farm's tenants, rent-a-farmer, as Mabel called them. Mabel waited anxiously in the doorway, supported by her newest companion, a walker. She wondered how this new living arrangement of theirs was going to work out. Courtney's face lit up at the site of her new charge.

"I've got wheels!" Mabel exclaimed as she demonstrated the newfangled wheel / brake combination on her walker from behind the screen door. Courtney was duly impressed at the advances in walker technology and stepped in for a closer look.

Right away she noticed that Mabel had gotten shorter. There was a time when they both stood 5 foot 5, but those days were long past. Now there was an ever increasing height difference between them. Courtney bent down to admire the wheels and get a hug. She was home.

Mabel led her into the center of their family life, Mabel's kitchen. All visitors were received there, and had been for all of Courtney's life. Mabel had laid out some of her homemade cookies on a clean tablecloth for the occasion.

Mabel sat down and asked her usual question, "So, what do ya know new?" She leaned across the table to hear better.

Courtney never knew how to answer this question. She didn't want to share how nervous she was about moving back here, how she wondered if she could give Mabel the kind of care she needed. She also wasn't ready to open Mabel's favorite topic of conversation, Bob Barker. Every day Mabel had lunch on her TV tray in the living room while The Price is Right was on. She just loved it when people won a brand new car or a handsome dinette set.

When she was younger and healthier, Mabel had dreamed of going to Hollywood and going on the show, but she knew it would never happen now. She was always encouraging Courtney to make the trip to Los Angeles and get on the show. Courtney was confident that she could talk her way into Contestant Row. She didn't care if she won, she only wanted to bid one dollar in Mabel's honor.

Instead of opening up the floor to a lengthy discussion of the California emissions in those cars Bob Barker gave away,Courtney asked her "Got any new jokes for me?"

Mabel's face lit up as she answered "Of course, but it's a bit racy,"

"You know how I love racy, spill it!"

"This woman's granddaughter came to stay with her and was going out on a date. She got all dressed up, then came downstairs to show off her outfit. Her grandmother was surprised at the see-through blouse she was wearing and asked the young woman about her choice in clothing. The woman said she was showing off her budding rosebuds. Later that week, Grandma was headed out for her night on the town and wore the same blouse. Her granddaughter asked about her choice of outfit and the grandma said she was showing off her hanging baskets."

Courtney couldn't help but laugh at her grandmother's raciest joke to date. Mabel always knew how to break the ice. She and Christine had always shared a love for humor. One of Mabel's favorite sayings was "there's nothing funnier than a fart." From the moment she first heard understood that phrase as a child, and the inevitable toot that followed, Christine knew that she'd found her soul mate.

When Christine was little, she and Mabel would have sleepovers. The two of them would wait until grandpa Bob went to bed, then sneak down to watch Benny Hill. Bob found the show to be vulgar, but Courtney and Mabel couldn't stop laughing at the Englishman's wacky antics. Mabel filled Courtney's childhood with laughter, something she hadn't been able to do with her own children.

Courtney was the youngest of Mabel's grandchildren. Since Bob died, Mabel's grandchildren took over as the light of her life. While she loved Josh and Carrie, Courtney would always be her special girl.

Josh and Carrie seemed to have their own language that Courtney and Mabel didn't speak. While the other two ran off to the woods to do play their own games, Courtney stayed behind with Mabel. Mabel didn't mind, she put the girl to work milking cows and gathering eggs. While they worked, Mabel taught the girl about the important things in life. Never hit when the Blackjack dealer shows an Ace and you have 17 or higher. The value of a poker face and a good laugh. The way Mabel saw it, the only trick to life was playing your cards right.

As Courtney sat at the table with Mabel, waves of memories crashed over her. Courtney had practically grown up at her grandmother's farm. Courtney and Mabel milked cows and told stories while her mother waited on customers over at the bookstore.

On school holidays and during the summer, she would come over to watch The Price is Right over lunch. Eventually, Mabel got the idea that she and Courtney should learn how to show pigs with 4H and their annual trip to the Ohio State Fair in Columbus was born.

It didn't matter to anyone in the family if Courtney's animals placed in the competition. With their little girl off on her adventures, it was a welcome time for Dave and Christine to get to know each other again. For the first couple of years, Dave wanted nothing more than to make another baby during that week but they dared not hope, since Courtney was already their miracle baby. Two miracles in a lifetime was one more than Christine felt she deserved.

The first year, Courtney and Grandma weren't sure what the judges would be looking for and their pigs didn't even place. The kind smiles of the judges as they awarded the kid next to her the blue ribbon were enough to spur Courtney into action. She went home and read everything she could find about raising show pigs. Every spare moment she had went into concocting the right food and balancing it with the right kind of exercise. The next year, both her pigs placed first and she was hooked on winning. Winning meant a chance to get away from Lima.

It was a hard blow when Courtney's winning pig was sold that first year. Mabel earned a pretty penny, and 8 year old Courtney assumed that her pig, Peaches, would be the buyer's pet, just like Peaches had been hers. When she overheard the buyer say he was looking forward to a Peaches sandwich, Courtney burst into tears. She ran up to the man and demanded her pig back. A ruthless farmer, he offered to sell the pig back to her for 15% more than he had paid her. Mabel had been counting on the pig money to get them back home to Lima, she certainly didn't have the money to buy the pig back. Courtney cried the whole way home and stopped eating pork. They continued raising championship pigs, but never sold them again.

Courtney's adventures in the big city kept her imagination going all year and showed her what life was like beyond the farm. This new world had tall buildings, two rivers, and lots of people. The only corn field she saw there was part of Ohio State's research facility, not a matter of life and death for a family the way Mabel's farm had been. At the Fair, Courtney met all kinds of people and saw some impressive sights. The cow made of butter was always her favorite sight and her favorite ride was the Giant Slide until she reached out on the way down once and burned her hand on the plastic groove separating her from the girl next to her.

Courtney attended the Fair every year through her last year of high school. Though she had given up on raising pigs in middle school, she set her sights on the State Fair Band when someone posted an audition flyer in her school's music room. Auditions were held locally and the kids who were chosen got to stay in dorms on the Fairgrounds for the 3 week duration of the Fair. She couldn't think of anything that would be more fun and worked tirelessly to prepare for her audition.

She made the band every year in high school and got to spend 3 wonderful, exciting weeks year with kids from all over the State. She naturally gravitated towards other kids who dreamed of getting away from Ohio. There was no point wasting her time with the kids who were content to stay in their hometowns forever because she was outta here.

-4-

The sound of Mabel's voice jerked Courtney back to the present. She was once again in Mabel's kitchen, only this time it was her home too. Mabel had been faithfully gathering news and jokes to share with the girl since she first moved away. Now that Courtney was to be here permanently, Mabel didn't know if she'd be able to keep the girl entertained like she could on periodic visits.

As long as Mabel thought Courtney's presence in her home as giving the girl a helping hand and a free place to stay, it didn't seem quite as threatening as the truth. Mabel was doing her best to fight the effects of time on her health, but having Courtney move in told her loud and clear that she was losing.

When she was healthy, Mabel had carried a pack of cigarettes and a fifth of Jack Daniels everywhere she went. Now she was bound by her MedAlert beeper, set off airport metal detectors with her artificial knee, and couldn't leave the house without a diaper, just in case. Mabel's mind remained sharp and she did her best to remain upbeat., but the situation was growing increasingly difficult.

The two women sat at Mabel's table for the afternoon. Courtney tried not to think about all that she was taking on by moving back here. Mabel felt the girl's tension and filled the air with news of recent births, deaths, marriages and divorces. There was something she really wanted to know, and Mabel was sure it would break the tension.

"Have you ever smoked pot?"

Courtney's eyes widened in surprise at the question. Sure, she'd smoked pot in college.

"Well, what's it like?"

"You want me to go get a nickel bag and show you?"

Mabel thought for a minute and said "What the hell, why not? Can you get some?"

Courtney was trying not to laugh as she said sure. She went out to her rental car and found the small stash of weed that her friends had given her before she left. She showed Mabel how to inhale without coughing and the two women smoked their way into a mellow afternoon. Day faded into night as Mabel toked and joked.

After the pot wore off, Mabel reckoned that she might like to do that again sometime, but it wasn't as exciting as Dan Rather on the TV made it out to be. Courtney wondered how she would explain to her mother where the afternoon had gone. She was supposed to be at Christine's house hours ago, and now her eyes were red and she reeked of pot.

She bid a hasty farewell to Mabel, changed clothes in the car, and headed back down the road to her childhood home.

-5-

Courtney turned into the familiar drive and was bombarded with memories of her childhood. The wide porch where she took her first steps, the porch swing where she had her first kiss, the pain of falling into the bushes in front of the house as a child. It hadn't changed since she left for college 8 years before, or really since she'd been a child.

Courtney left her afternoon with Mabel behind as soon as she walked into the house. Her father was home from work at the Mill and Christine was tending the pot roast simmering on the stove. The family hugged hello and sat down to dinner.

Christine hadn't intended to live so close to her mother, but when she and Dave had scraped up enough money to buy a house, they fell in love with the 3 bedroom ranch with the front porch just down the road from Mabel. Christine knew that the closeness would provide a way for Courtney to be close to her grandparents, but that one day Christine would end up caring for her parents. She accepted the trade and they bought the house when Courtney was a baby.

Courtney was born when Christine was 32. Dave and Christine had been trying to have a child for several years, but had started to give up hope. They contacted Catholic Social Services about adopting a baby and were placed on a waiting list. It could take up to three years. The thought of waiting that long was daunting, but they chose to wait.

While they were on vacation in New Mexico visiting Bob's brother, the unthinkable happened. Christine's period was late. She couldn't believe it. She was like clockwork and had never been late. She and Dave stopped paying attention to her fertile periods as soon as they got on the adoption waiting list. On a hunch, she grabbed Dave and went to the nearest Planned Parenthood for a pregnancy test. They were the oldest couple in the waiting room, and the only couple to whoop with joy at the positive results.

8 months later, Courtney, their miracle baby, was born.

The short distance between Mabel and Christine's houses gave Courtney many happy summer days at the farm and gave Christine time to work part time at Reed's books in town. Christine loved her job and Courtney loved her time at the farm. Christine didn't find many reasons to stop in and visit Mabel in those days, she just picked up Courtney after work. Each time her daughter disappeared down the drive without stopping to say hello, Mabel wept. Christine had no idea. She was busy working and worrying about Courtney.

Courtney had befriended a boy from down the block. He was older, but Christine didn't give it much thought. One day, Courtney came home crying. Christine tried to find out what was wrong but the girl wasn't talking. She dismissed the episode until a few weeks later, when Courtney asked what a blow job was. She was four years old.

Even as an adult, Courtney has no idea how it started. There may have been a rumor that the boy was creepy and she tried to disprove it by talking to him, but she'll never be certain. Somehow they become friends. One day the boy led her to a new place to play, the window well. There, they were hidden from view. It was quiet and cool, with ivy on the walls. She sat on small stones, sometimes the left impressions on her smooth legs when she got up. The boy began touching her between her legs. She'd never been touched there before. Courtney was confused, it felt kind of good but more scary than good and very wrong. The boy put her hand on his wee-wee. It seemed bigger than she'd expected it to. She didn't want to touch it, it felt gross! But the boy wouldn't let her take her hand away. He told her to rub it. She obeyed, hoping it would be over soon. She kept telling the boy "this isn't fun anymore, I'm scared," but he wouldn't listen.

She worried that he would hurt her if she didn't come back for more of their 'play.' She knew that her mommy and daddy wouldn't like what they were doing but she didn't want the boy to hurt her. Shaking with dear, she couldn't stand it any longer and told the truth. Her mommy was very upset and told her to never see that boy again. Courtney marched over there and walked into his house. She'd never been inside before and the big dogs scared her. She stood behind the couch, away from the scary dogs and told him that her mommy knew everything and that she wouldn't come over there anymore. The boy looked scared and didn't argue with her.

Christine was fuming with anger and shame when Courtney told her story. She didn't know what to do, and she was afraid of what would happen if such a story got out in the neighborhood. What would the other mothers think of her and her little girl? She was a new mother, and older than the other mothers by at least 10 years. She worried that if they didn't like her, Courtney would have nobody to play with, so she told Courtney to go over there and call it off. She didn't want a fuss.

They never talked about it after that day. Christine never told Dave.

Christine worked hard in the neighborhood to make her little family a part of things, but the women of the Junior League had no interest in her or her family. Block parties were always on the other block. Christine wasn't invited. She didn't understand it, she was nice to everyone, invited their kids over to play every chance she had, but they never returned the favor. She hoped that once Courtney started school, it would be easier for all of them to make friends. But the school was filled with parents and children just like the neighbors who so easily excluded them. Courtney found a few friends in the other outcasts but always wondered why the popular girls didn't want to play with her.

She was popular for one day when she brought in her latest prized possession: an autographed photo of the Dukes of Hazzard. They were perched atop the General Lee, and the inscriptions read "Your Buddy, Tom Wopat, Yee Haw, John Schneider and XOX, Catherine Bach." Many of the children rushed home to watch the Duke boys and their wacky run ins with the law Friday nights at 8, but Courtney was the only one lucky enough to have their autographs.

Mother and daughter made their way through the perils of elementary school only to face a new enemy in middle school: teenage girls. Courtney tried everything she could think of to get into the popular crowd, or even the unpopular crowd. Any crowd would do, she just wanted to belong. She found a friend or two along the way, but they always seemed to face insurmountable challenges. Sally was from the wrong side of the tracks. She was often dirty and smelled. The only thing Courtney really like about her is that she was nice. Sally's parents wouldn't let her stay over, nor could Courtney stay over at Sally's house. Their house was filthy, the curtains were drawn all the time and there was always a subtle odor of garbage. While Courtney liked Sally, she didn't want anyone at school to know that they were friends. What if the popular girls suddenly took an interest in her and there she was with Smelly Sally?

So she made her way alone. She attempted to sit with the unpopular group of girls at lunch, and it worked for a while. She wasn't really part of the group or the conversation, but that was okay with her. She was always armed with a book so she wouldn't have to talk. All she wanted was to belong. One day she dropped off her lunch and went to get a drink. When she returned, the other girls had moved to a different table, leaving her lunch alone at the first table. That was the last day she ate lunch at school.

Christine was sweet, bought her special lunch food that she could make herself at home. Through rain, snow, sleet, and wind, Courtney rode her bike home every day for her solitary lunch with the family beagle, Daisy. After school was the same story, Courtney and Daisy at home together. Courtney endured the rest of middle school but couldn't wait for the promise of high school.

-6-

High school was everything that Courtney had hoped it would be. She joined the marching band and attended each summer rehearsal faithfully. For her, band was ripe with the promise of new friends. She had taken up the saxophone a year earlier, working overtime to catch up with the other band kids who had a 3 year head start.

It was at those evening rehearsals that she first fell in love. Her name was Mason. She was the child of hippie parents, now divorced. She had just moved from Dayton to live with her father and his new wife. The girls were fast friends, and Courtney knew that her life was improving every day. She even found a small group of friends in the band. It didn't matter that they weren't popular, they had each other and that was enough.

Courtney spent a lot of time with Mason. Courtney had never felt like this before and didn't know what to make of it. Every time the girls touched, Courtney felt something that she couldn't explain. She assumed it was just thrill of having a close friend and pursued a boy in the band. Mason soon found herself a boyfriend and they double dated, going to the movies and parties together.

The girls maintained their friendship throughout high school. Mason was a welcome refuge after so many years without close friends that Courtney didn't dare examine how she really felt about the other girl. It wasn't until one night when Mason grabbed her hand that Courtney gave in to her feelings. By grabbing her hand, Mason had inadvertently opened up a new world to Courtney. She dared not say what she thought it was, but trekked to the library for any and all information about this kind of love she could find. She wanted to talk about her new discovery with Mason, but she was afraid. What if it didn't mean the same thing to her? What if it did? What would they do then?

Their friendship continued as Courtney tried desperately not to let Mason know how she really felt. She knew that she'd never be accepted at school and she was pretty sure Mason didn't feel the same way about her. She continued to date boys but in her heart she knew that she would never be happy with a man, but she couldn't be who she was in Lima.

Courtney spent her time counting down the days until she could get away from Ohio. She looked at a map and picked the farthest place away from home: Eugene, Oregon. And it was near both mountains and a beach. It hadn't occurred to her that they could be in the same place at the same time. When her acceptance letter came from the University of Oregon, she knew she had made it. She was getting out.

Both Mason and Courtney knew that they wouldn't keep in touch after high school. Their lives moved in different directions from the day they graduated. Courtney was off to school and Mason was on her own. Mason's father had no resources to put her through college, he had spent every spare dime on rehab centers for his stepdaughter. The money was wasted, the girl finally overdosed on heroin and died shortly after Mason and Courtney graduated from high school.

Courtney's musical talent was obvious, and her band friends assumed she'd be a music major. Courtney did too, until she realized that practicing eight hours a day wasn't something she could ever do. The chances of making it as a musician were so slim, and she wasn't sure she could dedicate her education to taking that kind of chance.

Courtney's writing career had begun in middle school, when the outdoor education camp folder required that she write a poem. Her words flowed easily and her teacher was impressed. Courtney submitted her work to a statewide children's magazine. Her poem had been selected! It was a big thrill to see her name in print.

That thrill never left Courtney, but she had put aside her writing while she concentrated on making music and her friendship with Mason. After all, band was much more social than writing and she badly needed the social interaction. Through some Literature classes, Courtney rediscovered her writing talents along the way but stayed focused on music.

Everything progressed as if she would major in music. She sent an audition tape to the University of Oregon and was ecstatic when the school of music accepted her. After she arrived at school, she had another part of her audition left to do. The aural skills section was where she was supposed to tell the instructor which note was played on the piano by hearing alone. She hadn't the faintest idea. Much to the instructor's (and her own) surprise, she and walked out of the audition. She walked directly to the English department and never looked back.

Mason moved into public housing and spent her days working at low paying jobs and her nights partying. Her sporadic attempts at going to college always failed miserably.

The last time Courtney drove by, Mason's window was boarded up and her car was on blocks in the backyard.

Courtney climbed on the plane that August, headed towards college and a new life in Oregon.

-7-

While Courtney was starting a new life at college, her aunt Ellen was losing her battle for life. Her husband Paul had long ago discovered that she wasn't everything that her pristine image made her out to be. She had moved to Lima from New York state in high school, presumably because her father's job transferred him. He had fallen in love with her on her first day at his school in the 11 to grade, assuming she was like the other girls at his school, only more beautiful.

At her old school, Ellen had a reputation for being loose. It wasn't just a reputation, it was the truth. She'd gone all the way with more than a few boys. The only way Ellen felt pretty was when she was with a boy. She got pregnant for the first time at 15. That pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. Ellen's parents decided that moving to a new town was the only way to renew Ellen's wayward chastity so they quietly arranged for a job transfer, packed the house, and moved to Lima.

Ellen played it cool for the first few moths, but she was very attracted to Paul. After a few months of heavy petting, Paul persuaded Ellen to go all the way. Try as she might to resist, she couldn't turn down any boy who offered himself to her. Ellen was conspicuously shy on the topic of her own virginity, but was happy to help free Paul of his. He said he'd take care of birth control. Once again, Ellen became pregnant.

Paul assumed it was her first pregnancy but never asked.

Abortion was still 2 years from being legal but it was available. Paul wanted Ellen to abort the baby and even made an appointment for her, but she wouldn't hear of it. Ellen and Paul were married over spring break. Josh was born that summer.

Paul got a job at the biggest dairy farm in town. He cleaned up after the cows in exchange for minimum wage and free rent on a small trailer near the farm. Ellen's mother stopped by every day, but Ellen's father never came. He had failed Ellen because he was unable to save her from her own desires. Now she was barely 18 and already a wife and mother.

Josh was a difficult baby, crying incessantly for the first six months. Paul worked longer and longer hours. Shoveling shit wasn't the greatest thing in the world, but it was better than being cooped up in the trailer with the baby's constant screaming.

The young couple had quickly discovered that their high school dating life was a far cry from the drudgery of married life. They didn't fight, but they didn't talk either. There was simply nothing to say. Ellen was caught up in changing diapers and breast feeding and Paul came home exhausted, smelling of shit every night. The trailer's cramped shower stall left him feeling dirty even after a shower.

Paul knew that being married made him exempt from the draft, but he never went to the Selective Service office to change his status. Part of him longed for the adventure of war, or any adventure that would take him away. When Paul was drafted for Vietnam, it came as a relief for both Ellen and Paul. Since he had to quit his job at the dairy farm, they were forced to move from the tiny trailer. Ellen's mother had no room in her house, so they moved into Mabel's house the day before Paul was shipped out.

The Army would pay Paul a steady income and send him away from his family for at least 2 years. The night before he left for boot camp, Ellen told him she was expecting another baby. He did the math in his mind, and wondered how that was possible, but he didn't ask. He was relieved to get on the bus the next day and start his new life in the Army.

Boot camp was far cry from the life he left behind. The physical and mental challenges were more stimulating than his work at the dairy farm, and Paul quickly stood out from the crowd. He was made squad leader during the second week of camp. It meant a little extra money to send home to Ellen and some responsibility. Paul was proud. The camaraderie he felt with his unit was like being with his buddies on the football team back in Lima. The days were long but he didn't want it to end. They all knew that the end of boot camp meant the beginning of life in the Vietnam jungle and they weren't eager to get started.

Back home, Ellen and Josh had settled into Mabel's house. Mabel was wonderful to the baby, and often was the only person who could stop his wailing. The two women tolerated each other, but with her own son Duane still at home, it made for a crowded place to be after not too long. Ellen started saving a little bit of each check so she could eventually rent her own place.

More than once, Duane came home to find a strange car in the driveway. He knew it belonged to Billy Prescott, Paul's friend from the football team. Duane said nothing because Ellen had caught him drinking and smoking pot with his buddies while Mabel was out a few times. Had Mabel discovered either transgression, she would have booted the offender from the house. Ellen kept saving her money, and was able to rent a tiny house after a few months where Billy could visit anytime he wanted.

Paul was stationed deep in the Vietnam jungle when Ellen's second child was born. Carrie's birth was not easy for Ellen or the baby. After 36 hours of labor, the doctor preformed an emergency caesarean section. Carrie didn't breathe at first, it was only after 5 minutes of coaxing from the doctors that she finally took her first breath. The experience left Ellen worn out and very sore. Several times a day, she wondered if this was punishment for her affair with Billy. She couldn't resist being with him and reminiscing about the good old days, when her life was filled with promise instead of baby puke and dirty diapers.

Ellen quickly fell in love with the way he made her feel. She returned to bed with him several times a week after the first day. After she had Carrie, Billy visited both her and the baby in the hospital every day. Carrie was a dead ringer for her father, and Ellen wondered how she'd explain that to her young husband.

Half a world away, Paul wasn't thinking of his family. He was wondering how to put his buddy's arm back on when he noticed that it wasn't even the right arm. He was holding a left and the guy needed a right. Praying aloud for the medics to arrive, he assured the guy that they'd get the arm back on right. His battalion had been on a scouting mission deep in VC country when they'd found what they were looking for: a trap.

Without warning, the men were surrounded by North Vietnamese with guns pointed at them. Grenades were going off all around him and most of Paul's unit had been killed or wounded. That night changed Paul from a boy to a man. All he wanted was to get out of there and back home to his family. He no longer cared that his new baby daughter looked like another man. He wanted only to hold her and make love to his wife.

He finished his tour of duty and moved into the tiny house in Lima with Ellen and the kids. The family scraped by as Paul went back to college on the GI Bill. After he graduated, he landed a good job in the business office at the Mill. Soon they had saved just enough money to buy their first home. It had enough room for them all and Ellen was so happy, she told Billy Prescott to stop coming around.

-8-

In the first few years after Paul returned from the war, Ellen was happy and remained faithful to her husband. Carrie grew into a beautiful girl, still the spitting image of Billy Prescott. Ellen did her best to let Billy see the girl as she grew, but they never told her that Paul wasn't her father. Paul continued to love her just the same, bound by his vow that mind-numbing night in Vietnam to love his family if only he could get out alive.

When Josh was 10 and Carrie 8, Paul's career took off. He received two big promotions within a year and found himself working later and later to get all the work done. Conscious of his family's life going on without him, he tried to come home early when he could but it just wasn't enough. He had to work so hard to put food on the table that there wasn't time for him to eat. Most nights, he returned home after the kids were in bed.

Many times, Ellen asked him about what he had seen in the war, but Paul never talked about it. Left to her own imagination, Ellen created her own stories about what Paul had done in Vietnam. Each of these stories involved Paul and Vietnamese women. She became certain that Paul had another child or two while he was in country. There was no proof, but it was all the incentive she needed to get back together with Billy Prescott. This time she was on the Pill, so there would be no more accidents.

If she'd known the truth about what the atrocities he saw and did there, she might have been ashamed of herself. But she was Ellen and she felt no shame.

One warm spring day, Paul was buoyed by the unexpected beautiful weather and decided to surprise Ellen for lunch. He rolled up in the family's new Buick with sandwiches from their favorite deli in hand. He even had Ellen's favorite, Pastrami. It took his mind a few minutes to understand why Billy Prescott's Mustang was in his driveway. Through the open windows he heard his wife's moan with a passion he'd never heard. Paul saw red and started to charge into the house. His sensibilities got the better of him. He got back in his car and ate his lunch at his desk like usual. He did leave the pastrami sandwich on the stoop as a calling card.

Ellen thought she heard a car pulling out as she and Billy were upstairs but she didn't pay any attention to it. Her thoughts were only on Billy. When she went downstairs afterwards, she was shocked to see the pastrami sandwich. She knew that her secret was out and she'd have to deal with Paul.

That night, she sent the kids over to Mabel's and had dinner on the table when Paul got home. He went upstairs for a long time, then sat down to a tense meal until she said "What? What do you want me to do?"

"Leave this house. You don't belong here."

"I can't leave. My kids are here. I don't have any money." There was no mention of her love for Paul.

"And they'll stay here. You can see them on the weekends and some holidays."

Ellen went upstairs to their bedroom and saw that her things had been packed. She had no idea where she'd go. Billy Prescott was married, she couldn't go to him. Finally, she picked up her things and went to her mother's house. Her mother wasn't surprised to see her.

"I knew your wicked ways would catch up with you."

Ellen couldn't face her and went to bed in her old room, trying to make sense of what had just happened. Her lawyer wasn't very good, but he did help her gain custody of the kids. Paul knew that he worked too many hours to be the kind of parent they needed. Ellen wasn't much of a wife, but she was a good mother. Paul saw the kids every weekend and every other holiday. He kept telling himself that it wasn't so bad.

The kids grew accustomed to living in two households. It was obvious that their parents were happier apart than together. They liked the fun things their Dad took them to, ice skating in the winter, swimming at the local pool in the summer and always to the movies.

Paul's rage at Ellen subsided over the time they were apart. They became friends and focused on helping each other raise the kids right. At one point, they tried to get back together. They went on dates while the kids tried not to be too hopeful about a reconciliation. They tried for a few months, but it wasn't enough. Their arrangement went back to the way it had been shortly afterwards.

Ellen and Billy Prescott kept up their affair for years after Ellen and Paul's divorce. They weren't really in love with each other, it was just a way to feel something. Neither of them thought to mention the other lovers they also had, or to use condoms. A disease called GRID was moving through the gay community, but that didn't apply to them.

By the time Ellen was diagnosed, the disease had a new name and different faces. It was called AIDS and it could strike anyone, including her.

-9-

It had been two years since Paul and Ellen tried to get back together. He had accepted that his children would never see their parents together again. He started dating a woman he met at the supermarket. Her name was Joyce and she was new in town. She worked as a secretary for a man at the bank. Paul thought she was beautiful. In his life to date, he'd only dated Ellen. Courting Joyce was like learning a foreign language to him.

They went to the movies, he took her on long walks by Mabel's farm, and after about a month, he kissed her softly on the lips. He hadn't kissed another woman since high school, but it all came back to him. Eventually, slowly, their relationship progressed and they planned a romantic weekend away in Columbus. Paul went over to Ellen's to explain to the kids that he'd have to skip one of their weekends together. The kids asked if he was going to kiss Joyce and he blushed uncomfortably. The kids liked Joyce and gave their Dad the weekend off.

Before he left, he excused himself to use the bathroom. That's when he saw Ellen's stash of drugs spilling out of the medicine cabinet onto the counter. He didn't recognize any of them at first, but he remembered hearing about one of them on TV. People with that gay disease were taking it. He didn't understand why Ellen would have these drugs in her home.

He took Ellen aside. Did she have a sick boyfriend? Who was bringing these pills into his children's home? He demanded an answer. A cloud passed over her face and his eyes widened with fear. "You have this disease? You??"

"Yes" By this point her eyes were filled with tears.

Paul didn't know what to do. He always knew what to do. He was the oldest son, he was the Dad, it was his job to be in control. But he couldn't stop thinking about the last time he made love to Ellen two years ago. She'd had a purple spot on her thigh, but she'd assured him it was nothing. He hadn't used a condom, it hadn't even occurred to him.

He bolted out the door and vomited into Ellen's azaleas. She followed him as far as the door but the look of hate in his eyes kept her from speaking.

He had to call Joyce and cancel. He had to call his doctor. He had to get more life insurance. He wanted to kill Ellen for risking both of their lives. He wanted to kick himself for not using a condom. But she had been his wife, for God's sake. Why would it occur to him to protect himself from her?

He canceled the weekend with Joyce and convinced his doctor to see him the next day. His insurance agent wondered why he was doubling the payout amount on his life insurance, but he wasn't talking.

The test was still new and would take two weeks. Two weeks? How could he wait two weeks when he could be dying? But he had no choice and filled his time with running, biking, taking the kids bowling and anything that kept his mind from going through the possibilities. He didn't want to die, not now and not this horrible way. What had he done to deserve this?

Meanwhile, Ellen was struggling to stay healthy. At 32, she looked closer to 50. She was losing weight, her clothes hung on her and her hair was always greasy no matter how often she washed it. She took every drug that the doctor gave her and the vitamins she'd read about in a magazine, but she knew that she was losing her battle. After she was rushed to the hospital, she gathered every ounce of pride she had and called Paul. Could he take the children? She'd be happy to visit them but she couldn't leave the house very often anymore, nor could she cook healthy meals for them.

Paul got the kids that night. They knew their mom was sick, but they didn't know how sick until a very somber looking Paul arrived at the hospital. They had no idea how to react, so they remained silent, holding each other as they drove back to Paul's house for good.

Two weeks later, Paul's test results came back. He had been spared.

A month later, Paul was granted full custody of his kids. He scaled back his hours at work and made arrangements for them after school. He joined Josh's soccer car pool and volunteered with Carrie's Brownie troop. Paul wasn't sure if anyone was taking care of Ellen, he only knew that his hate for her was too strong to even try.

Paul saw Ellen only once during her last six months. Her time on earth compressed, she was a frail old woman after only three decades of life. She cried when she saw him but he had nothing to say. His rage was gone, in it's place only sympathy for this young, now old woman he once knew.

His brush with death gave him a new perspective on life. He let go of his grudges and vowed to live a different life than he had before. He thought he could never forgive Ellen for abandoning them in exchange for sex, but in time he learned to let go.

One day, he took Carrie over to Billy Prescott's house. Paul could have called first, but he wanted this one day of surprise. Billy almost keeled over with shock at the sight of the two of them there, but he welcomed them in. Billy had met Carrie a few times, and Ellen had made sure that he always had her most recent school photo, but she'd never known who he really was to her and he'd never admitted that he had a daughter. Paul couldn't deny Billy a chance to know the girl if he wanted it. Besides, he could use any help he could get in taking care of the kids.

Paul asked Billy, would he like to take her sometimes on weekend afternoons?

Would he? Billy nearly jumped at the chance. For the last 10 years he'd longed to be a part of his daughter's life but never thought he'd have the chance. He was married, but Carrie was his only child. His wife had known about Carrie for a long time. She wasn't thrilled to have the girl around but in time she realized that Carrie was a very sweet girl and not unlike Billy. She made her peace with the truth and came to love Carrie in her own way.

The motley crew of Paul, Josh, Carrie, and Billy Prescott somehow became a family. In addition to the weekend trips they used to take, Paul and the kids were working together on homework in the evenings and learning to be a family 7 days a week.

Ellen's last days saw her weight drop to 80 pounds and her skin fill with lesions. After she dropped to 100 pounds, she didn't want the children to see her again. They said their final good-byes over the phone and six months after Paul discovered the pills, she was gone.

He brought the children to her funeral, but he couldn't weep for her. The room was half-filled. He knew most everybody there, save for one man in the back. He was rail-thin and had a small purple lesion poking out of his shirt. Paul was certain that this was the man that gave her the disease. He couldn't speak to the man or go near him. Not because he was afraid of catching the disease but because this man had killed his wife, ex-wife, but still the mother of his children.

-10-

While Paul was watching his ex-wife die and thanking God that he was spared, his younger brother Duane was fighting his own battle. He had grown up in the shadow of Paul and Christine's apparent brilliance. He was no dummy, but he had to work for every B and C he got in school. Watching Christine and Paul get A's in their sleep over and over again made Duane a bitter boy. He tried to find his own activities where he could be the best one in the family. He just wanted to do one thing better than his siblings.

Unfortunately, that one thing turned out to be drinking and doing drugs. Where Christine and Paul's lives were filled with their own drama, Duane was left to create his own excitement. He seemed to only find it at the bottom of the bottle. He never left Mabel's house after high school. He attended the community college and managed to get his Associate's degree but he never filled out the application to finish his degree up the road at Bowling Green. He chose instead to sit around drinking and smoking pot with his buddies.

Once Mabel realized that Duane had no intention of leaving the house, she gave him 30 days to get a job and get out. Mabel didn't mess around. She didn't want a louse living off her. Her money did not come easy and she wasn't going to share with someone who didn't try to get off the couch.

It took him a few weeks, but Duane eventually found a job at the junkyard putting the cars up on blocks as they came in. The pay wasn't bad and the work was pretty mindless. Duane's kind of gig. Mostly he worked from 9-6. Getting up in time to get to work wasn't easy, but he wasn't ready to live on the street, so he made the effort.

He played guitar in a rock band with his buddies at night. They were so bad that nobody would hire them, but they played at the occasional open mike night. If they had a really good night, they wouldn't have anything thrown at them. For Duane the highlight of playing in the band wasn't making music, but the partying that came with being in a band. Before they played, he and the guys would pass a bottle of whisky around. Sometimes one of them would score some coke and they'd snort it, then play. Duane was having the time of his life.

Duane firmly believed that if the audience would just do some coke along with the band, it would be easier to understand the band's message. Duane wasn't sure he knew the message, so he did more coke, hoping to find some divine wisdom.

Mabel was beside herself about the boy, but she was also too old to worry herself sick about him. If he wanted to live his life destructively, there was nothing she could say to stop him. She did the only thing she knew of to get his attention: she cut off all his money and changed her locks so he couldn't raid her pantry or crash on her sofa anymore.

Duane didn't see what the big deal was. He was earning a living and having a good time. It didn't matter to his that his apartment was next to a drug house (in fact, it made scoring easier), or that he couldn't drive and had never owned a car. The bus got him everywhere he needed to go. It didn't matter if you were sober when you rode the bus, but if you were driving you could be arrested for being drunk. According to Duane, he had it made.

One night, Duane did a lot of coke and drank a fifth of whisky himself. He wanted some more blow in the worst way but was out of cash. At 2 a.m., he called Mabel to beg for money. When she refused, he called her a bitch but before he could finish the word she had hung up. Nobody spoke to Mabel Hansen that way, especially her own son.

The next day, Duane was desperate for coke. He tried to call Mabel again but she had already changed her number. She sent word to him through Christine that if he got sober, she would talk to him again, but he wouldn't get another dime out of her. But he was never to talk to her that way again. Duane laughed at the thought of his mother telling him what to do.

Within a matter of weeks, Duane's money ran out and he had nowhere to go. Mabel instructed Paul and Christine not to give him any money, and they followed along. They knew that any money they might give him would only lead to drugs. They would bring him a meal when they could find him, but he roamed the streets and rarely stayed in the same area for more than a few days.

Duane was hard up for cash so he started giving blow jobs for $30 each. He was able to earn enough to get the booze and coke he needed to get through the day. He slept wherever he could, usually on a park bench or in a storefront. He didn't wonder if he was happy or think that life could be different. For the most part he was pretty content.

Duane's life went on this way for months until one day he looked in front of him. He was starting at another man's public hair, trying not to choke on the penis in his mouth. He had no idea how he had gotten there.

He stumbled down to the homeless shelter and asked about a rehab program. He would be on a waiting list for 3 months. To be eligible, he had to live at the shelter on a three week cycle. He would stay there for 2 weeks, then go back on the street for a week. There just wasn't room for him to stay there the whole time. He tried to remain clean while he was waiting for the rehab, but the shakes got to him. He became paranoid that they'd kick him out of the shelter for sweating through detox there on their cot, so he scored enough coke to get him through the wait.

Duane had every intention of going into the rehab like he'd planned. He was tired of giving blow jobs -- he didn't like men that way but it was the quickest way to earn money on the street. Gay guys weren't picky, they just wanted a blow with no talk afterwards. Duane could never talk afterwards, he was too ashamed of where he was and what he'd just done. He couldn't get to the bottom of a 40 oz. bottle of malt liquor fast enough to get the taste out of his mouth, but he always tried. Duane planned his tricks so he could get to the dealer fast enough to get high again within 10 minutes of completing a job. Any longer and the shame creeped up on him.

When his name came up on the rehab list, Duane was curled up in a corner of a crack house. He'd discovered this new, less expensive way to get high a week ago and he was hooked after the first time. It was everything that the evening news claimed it would be. It was great, and he only needed to give half as many blow jobs to get the money to get high. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he knew that he was supposed to check in somewhere but he couldn't remember where. He found the dealer in the next room and bought another rock.

The social worker at the shelter called Duane's name several days, but knew better than to go looking for him. There were other people who wanted to get clean standing in front of her. She called the next name on the list and crossed off Duane.

-11-

Christine had watched Duane's downward spiral and Ellen's death from a distance. Sheltered in her happy life with Dave, she did the only thing she knew how to do for Ellen and Duane: she worried.

Christine worried about everyone. Her brothers, her daughter, her mother, and her dog. She felt it was her duty to worry so everything would turn out right. For 20 years, Dave has been trying to tell her that things turn out the way they're supposed to regardless of whether or not someone's worrying about it for them. She doesn't believe him, though, so she goes on worrying as if it will change the world. It just might.

Christine loves her daughter, but she worries about her being so far away. She worries that Courtney won't be able to find a husband. She has no idea that Courtney doesn't want a husband. She worries that Courtney won't be able to find a good job after she graduates from college next month.

When Courtney had packed her bags to leave Ohio four years earlier, Courtney had been ecstatic about her upcoming new life but sad to leave her family behind. She couldn't believe that she was finally escaping. The morning of her flight to Eugene, she woke up in the bed she'd always slept in and realized that she'd never be this person again. Today she was on her own, an adult. She was prepared to leave her old life behind, but not to forget it.

Courtney knew that she was her mother's daughter. She worried about what lay before her and what she was leaving behind. She knew that Mabel was getting up there in years and her health was showing signs of decline. She would need assistance in the coming years, but Courtney knew she couldn't be there to provide that help.

The family's beloved beagle Daisy was approaching old age without grace. The dog had been Courtney's companion through so much, but time was taking it's toll. Almost blind and arthritic, she knew that the dog's last days weren't far away. It wasn't likely that she'd see her again.

As she said her goodbyes at the airport, her mind was racing. Did I forget anything? Will Mom and Dad miss me, too? What's going to happen to Grandma and Daisy if I'm not here? Despite these grave concerns, she had made a conscious, difficult, choice to put aside the worrying that came so naturally and follow her dreams. Courtney didn't want to be the one left behind like many of her friends were.

So she boarded the plane and took her first airplane ride. She tried to appear as a woman of the world instead of a young girl from Lima. When she heard herself exclaim loudly "Wow! A TV!" when the monitor dropped down for the safety video, she became every bit the country bumpkin she imagined was trying not to be. But she recovered gracefully. Eight hours and two airports later, her old life was completely behind her. She was on the ground in Eugene. Her parents had offered to come with her, but she had turned them down. At the time, she wanted to make this trip on her own, but now that she was alone in a new state, she missed them very much.

The airport was small, but clean and easy to navigate. The people seemed friendly and she found her bags and a ride to campus in one fell swoop. While she was fighting the urge to pick up the nearest pay phone and have her parents change her return ticket to today, she found a ride to campus with a family who was dropping off their daughter. They stopped the car in front of her new home, an inconspicuous looking brick dormitory. She would be sharing a room with a girl from Portland. They'd talked on the phone and were eager to meet. It was the adventure of her lifetime and she couldn't wait for it to start. Her dorm room was smaller than she'd imagined, but she was enthralled with visions of late night talks and parties and didn't care.

Courtney walked all over campus and strolled through town. She wanted to see everything, to know everything about her new home. The mountains were unlike anything she'd ever seen. Filled with pine trees, they were nothing like the Hocking Hills she'd visited with her family. The luminous green of the trees and the mountains lured her in and she knew she had found home. Parts of town weren't as nice as the brochures would have her believe, but it was a world away from Lima, which is all that mattered to Courtney.

At first, she called home to Ohio every day. Christine and Dave were excited for her adventure, but they missed her like crazy. They couldn't wait for her to come home at Christmas. Courtney couldn't wait to start classes and meet her new friends.

The Freshman class was summoned for Orientation at the student Union. They came mostly from towns throughout Oregon, but there were a handful from places like North Carolina and New Hampshire, even a girl from Bangladesh! She was barely listening as her new advisor signed her up for Biology, Political Science, English and Marching Band. Since high school had started at 8 am, she assumed she'd have no problem making her 8 am class.

Orientation brought the new students together and she quickly made friends with a few students. The group headed into town for dinner at the Glenwood that night. Over tomato cheese soup and veggie burgers, the friendship was cemented. Of the other 5 students in the group, Courtney took to Jan right away. The group broke off with promises to meet the next day. Jan lingered outside with Courtney, talking through most of the night. The feelings she used to have with Mason came rushing back, nearly knocking her off her feet. Jan asked "Whoa! What happened there?"

A flustered Courtney muttered something about being overtired.

Jan was from Arizona. She'd chosen the U of O because she fell in love with the scenery. The mountains in the brochures were enough to sell her before her visit to the campus. Once she'd seen them up close, her choice was final. Maybe it wasn't the most scientific way to choose a school, but Jan had no idea what to major in so she wasn't limited by any school's academic reputation.

During high school, Jan was caught kissing another girl outside the gym. The school didn't know what to do with her, so they expelled Jan and the other girl. Both sets of parents assumed that it was a phase brought on by the other girl and transferred them to separate private schools. Their mistake lay in choosing an all-girls school for Jan, inadvertently turning her last two years of high school a wonderful experience. She had a steady girlfriend during that time, but they both knew that it wouldn't last and called it off before they both left for college. Jan arrived a single woman.

Jan and Courtney ended their first night together in Jan's room. She had a tiny single room, equipped with only a twin bed, some shelves, and a desk. It was spartan, but no roommate was going to walk in unannounced. They kissed an exquisite kiss that Courtney didn't want to end. This was what she'd been waiting for, but it scared her. She made a hasty exit to her own room, but returned the next night to stay. Courtney's roommate never showed up, so Jan moved into Courtney's room and it was heaven for both of them.

Unfortunately, heaven meant that 8 a.m. classes weren't that easy to get to. It was increasingly difficult for Courtney to get up, so after 5 weeks, she stopped going to class. She read the book and assumed that would be enough to get her through the class. On exam day, she showed up late to a packed crowd. She took her final on the floor, writing on the clipboards kept for that purpose. The questions weren't anything she recognized -- she knew she was sunk.

Grades were mailed during Christmas break. Courtney's came addressed to Dave and Christine. Dave eagerly opened the envelope expecting the honor roll grades that their daughter had earned consistently through high school. When he saw the word academic probation was stamped clearly at the bottom, he was in shock and dropped the paper into the sink. 15 minutes later Christine came home and wondered why Dave was staring absently into the murky dishwater. She emptied the sink and unearthed the grades. When she saw what Dave had seen, she dropped the report back into the sink.

It was time to have a chat with Courtney.

-12-

"What's going on here?" Christine wanted to know.

"Uh, well, I can explain" came her daughter's meek reply. She had expected some bad grades, but not the low 1.8 grade point average that paper showed.

She wasn't ready to explain her relationship with Jan yet, so she told them about her group of friends and the fun they'd had together this term. She realized now that they'd stayed up late philosophizing about the wrong things on too many nights and it had cost her the grades she'd worked so hard for in the past. If they let her go back, she'd straighten it all out in the next term. She'd even make the honor roll.

Dave and Christine gave in and let Courtney go back to Oregon after the holidays.

The family spent a terrific Christmas at Mabel's farm. Mabel was in good health, playing bridge every week and making her faithful pilgrimages to the hairdressers. Even the dog was doing well. They ended their Christmas celebration with Mabel's famous ham.

Courtney was the last of her crowd to get back to Eugene. This time, she was armed with a signed agreement to work harder in her classes, otherwise she'd come back home to Lima Community College. Her earliest class was at 10 a.m., so she was confident that she could live up to her part of the bargain. She had purchased her ticket when she came out for the first time. She had no inkling that she'd want to return earlier than the last possible moment.

Jan and the crowd were waiting for her at the airport. Nobody in the crowd knew about Jan and Courtney's relationship and they wanted to keep it that way, so it was hugs for everyone. Over tomato cheese soup, they shared their visits home. They'd all had a good holiday, but were eager to return to school and each other. Courtney wasn't the only one on academic probation so they vowed to work together on improving their grades.

Courtney selected classes that she knew she'd be interested in and attended faithfully, and studied every night before she went out drinking. She discovered that she could take classes she liked, that there was some degree of choice in the matter. She chose carefully her second term and came up with the Geologic History of Dinosaurs and Music 101. She had always been interested in dinosaurs, so she was a captive student in class and read her assignments eagerly. It was the first time this class had been taught, and the teacher made the tests fairly easy. There was no curve for grades since no student had anything below an A.

Music 101 was not what she expected. Korey Konkol breezed into the lecture hall and turned on a tape of the Bee Gees. The course would be divided into two sections: the Baroque era and Disco. She could hardly believe her ears. Disco? She learned the true story of Donna Summer's rise to power and the 7 English words in the Silver Connection's vocabulary. Her faithful attendance paid off the day Korey arrived decked out in a vintage suit of denim complete with applique designs on the vest. In this fine outfit, he demonstrated the Hustle, then brought the class up to the front to practice the timeless dance. To this day, it's one of the most valuable things she learned in college.

She was also in the University's Pep Band. Their job was to play during the basketball games. Since band members had to sign up for the games they were going to play at the beginning of the season, the group was constantly changing. On her second night playing, she saw a woman she thought she knew through a friend. Courtney and Mart hit if off right away. Mart was different than her other friends, she was older, a junior, and had transferred from another school. To Courtney, Mart was a woman of the world. Mart was lucky enough to have a double room all to herself.

By that point, Jan had moved on to a new girlfriend and Courtney was left to her own devices. Drinking with Mart made letting go of Jan easier.

The school paper had run a feature article about Elvis, complete with a cutout photo of the King himself. Mart had cut out the Elvis from the paper and put several of them on the ceiling above her bed. One night, in a fit of drunken debauchery, Courtney exclaimed that the Elvi above the bed were Mart's way of putting the proverbial notch in her belt for each man she'd slept with. Courtney's didn't have such a collage, but if she it would be made of Elivinas.

Courtney and Mart went out drinking every night. Since Mart was already 21, she could get the hooch for them with no problem. They would warm up for a night on the town in Mart's room. They listened to the magic organ music of Jimmy Smith and drank Sam Adams Double Bock -- three times the alcohol of regular beer. Then they were free to drink inexpensively when they were out.

Even though she was drinking like a fish at night, Courtney managed to attend every class and study every night. She never had to cram for her exams and made the Dean's List for the remainder of her college years.

Mart graduated when Courtney was a sophomore. Mart was at a loss for what to do afterwards. She was earning a Music Education degree, but she had no desire to teach. She had been seeing a married man from her hometown, Al.

Al introduced her to an older friend of his, Max Shubert. Max was instantly attracted to Mart, but Mart didn't feel the same way. Two months before graduation, Max was passing through town and wanted to take Mart out for dinner. Ever the poor college student, she agreed. They had a lovely evening and Max took her home. At the door she asked if he wanted to sleep on her couch. He said he only wanted to stay if he could sleep with her. Impressed by his forward nature, she invited him. Mart was 22 and Max was 62.

Courtney often listened to talk radio while she studied. It was mostly background noise, but occasionally there was something worth paying attention to. An older man called in to discuss this young chippy he'd fallen for. They'd just begun a wonderful affair and he didn't know if it was right. She was 22, he was 62, what did the host think?

Courtney couldn't believe her ears and pressed record on her tape player. She knew Mart wasn't going to believe this so she needed proof. She played the tape for a shocked Mart that night. Sure enough, it was Max, calling in from the small island he owned off the coast of Washington. Mart didn't know what to think but Max told her that he often gets lonely on his island and called in to the show.

Much to Mart's surprise, she and Max they slowly fell in love. When she graduated, Max invited her to come and live on his island. He ran a business out of his home and she could help him with it. It all sounded so romantic, if you ignored the fact that he had a pacemaker and was about to collect social security. Mart collected her degree and moved to Max's own little Fantasy Island.

Mart called Courtney every time life on the island started getting to her. It was far more rustic than she'd imagined. There was no running water and no electricity except for a small generator that powered the radio and a lamp. It wasn't so bad during the summer when they could bathe in the creek that ran through the middle of the island, but when winter came, it turned into a nightmare. Trapped in front of the fire with Max, Mart ran out of things to say to him. The 40 year age difference was too much. The man did not appreciate disco, nor was he able to drink and carouse because it could cause a heart attack.

Max sensed Mart's frustration and tried to make the girl happy. He installed a shower heated by the sun and bought her a blow dryer. She had cut her flowing locks off as soon as winter began because they never dried. She was looking forward to feeling clean and having dry hair until she saw the shower. It was hanging from a tree outside and the blow dryer plugged into the car's cigarette lighter. Getting ready in the morning meant shivering in the shower, then starting the car to blow dry her hair. Roughing it got to be too much for young Mart. She told Max he was a geezer and headed back to civilization.

She lost touch with Max after she left the island, but Al kept her updated on his whereabouts so she could avoid him. Years later, Mart's phone rang in the middle of the night. It was Al. He thought she should know that Max had had a stroke and could he see her again? By this point, two colleges had fired Al for sleeping with his students and she was no longer charmed. In fact the thought he was a dufus and told him so.

Courtney told Mart that being with Max now would be like rowing a canoe. Stroke... stroke.. stroke...

Mart moved to Portland and landed a job, wanting nothing more than to put her time of Max's Fantasy Island and her affair with Al behind her.

Courtney still had one more year of school. She missed Mart terribly, but Mart came down periodically to visit. Courtney would mime paddling a canoe and say stroke...stroke...stroke. She and Mart always burst into laughter at this, no matter where they were. This got them kicked out of the movie theater more than once but Courtney would just paddle them back to her apartment, laughing all the way.

Courtney's education was paid for with a series of scholarships, loans and work study. She worked at the office of Residence and Dining Halls answering the emergency line. Night after night, she handled broken toilets, leaky sinks and a myriad of undergraduate housing emergencies. She liked her job. She could sit down, and she didn't have to serve food like so many other work study jobs.

Her boss was an intelligent black man. Sure, there were black people in Ohio but she'd never talked to one for long. She came by her prejudice naturally, so naturally that she thought it wasn't there. One day she was shooting the breeze when she found herself talking about a black boy who lived in her dorm. This boy was dating a white woman and Courtney's limited experience spoke for itself when she called him a black guy that was trying to be white. In her town, people dated only people of the same color. Her boss listened with a stone face and their conversation soon ended. She didn't think of it until she met her boss' girlfriend -- a white woman.

She was so embarrassed but didn't know how to rectify the situation. She became so flustered at work that she messed up. When the call came in, it was 2 a.m. and Courtney thought the leaky bathroom could wait until morning. She did not call the emergency repairman to evaluate the situation, those guys were Union and often refused to come if called out in the middle of the night. They weren't jeopardizing their jobs by refusing, they were just missing out on overtime. On a cold winter night, she could hardly blame them for choosing sleep over cash.

On that fateful night, she didn't pick up the phone. The pipe was backed up and the pressure caused an explosion that took out a section of the wall. Nobody was hurt, but Courtney was blamed for not calling a technician. She was fired from her job a week later.

In a way she was relieved that she was no longer faced with remembering how stupid she had been to her boss. She apologized much later but her never responded to her message.

-13-

For Spring Break her senior year, Courtney headed home to see Christine and Dave. She made sure to stop in her two favorite pieces of Ohio culture, the Waffle House and White Castle. Both were open 24 hours a day, serving the kind of greasy food available only in the Midwest. Late night fare in Eugene was literally veggie burgers at the Glenwood, which hardly compared to the (then) 5 ways to have your hash browns. today there are six.

Scattered: plain browns.

Scattered and smothered: with cheese

Scattered, smothered and covered (Courtney's favorite): Cheese and onions.

Scattered, smothered, coved and chunked: Cheese, onions, and tomatoes.

Scattered, smothered, coved, chunked and topped: Cheese, onions, tomatoes and Bert's Chili.

Later came the sixth way:

Scattered, smothered, coved, chunked, topped and diced: Cheese, onions, tomatoes Bert's Chili and green peppers.

Walking into a Waffle House is like stepping into the 1950's. The mustard yellow counters are complimented by the faux wood paneling and orange accents. The walls are decorated with wood frames around phrases like "Apple Pie" and "Waffle." When you walk into the Waffle House, all the employees are supposed to say hello. The jukebox is stocked with great tunes like "Waffle House Boogie" and "Waffle House Lady." Through a cloud of smoke, you make your way to a formica booth and wait for a waitress named Dolly or Polly. The waitresses are either Waffle House veterans a few years from retirement, or young women on the verge of welfare. They were all friendly and you can get a meal for under $4 anytime of the day.

White Castle is an entirely different, equally greasy and wonderful part of the Midwest. They serve little tiny hamburgers coated with tasteless onions in cardboard boxes with sides like onion chips and french fries. A hamburger still only costs about 50 cents, a double hamburger is double the price. Higher level math is not required at the White Castle.

Courtney enjoyed her whirlwind food of the Midwest tour the first day and settled down to a bottle of Pepto Bismo to ride out the rest of her trip. Daisy was in bad health. She'd become incontinent and they'd had to spread newspapers on the floor of the room where she slept every night. The old dog could barely find her way to the door, but she never missed a meal. Daisy was in the backyard when Courtney came up. The dog recognized her voice and wagged her tail in Courtney's direction. The old friends spent the week together. On her last day home, Courtney laid on the dining room floor with Daisy like she used to and told her that if it was time for her to go that she could go.

The vet came to the house 2 weeks later and Daisy was put to sleep in her bed.

Shortly after Daisy passed away, it was time for Courtney to graduate. Christine and Dave realized that they'd never seen their daughter's home. Christine had always found a good reason why they shouldn't go. There wasn't enough money, who would take care of the dog, what if something happened to Mabel. Now at least the dog was no longer an issue.

Christine would never admit that she was scared to fly but she had promised Courtney that she'd come out for the event if Courtney graduated with honors. Courtney called to say that had achieved her goal, how soon before graduation would they be there?

Christine hemmed and hawed. With a frantic burst of tears, she admitted her fear to Courtney and Dave. The family concocted a plan. Christine got on a plane 3 days before the big day, drunk as a skunk. Dave fed her booze as they flew over the nation and she arrived groggy but happy to see her daughter.

Courtney had cleaned her 1 bedroom apartment thoroughly on Willamette Street in preparation for their arrival. She'd furnished the place for less than $100, thanks to the Goodwill on Ferry St., but she saw her second-hand items for the first time through her mother's eyes.

Christine's house was beautiful, filled with Royal Doulton figurines and framed art. It was always immaculate. Her daughter proudly displayed her 3-D picture of the Pope and kd lang posters next to wine bottles that acted as vases for fake flowers and a concrete statue of an Easter Island sculpture, but she knew that this wasn't Christine's kind of decor. She took a close look at the brown goo running down her wall and the ants in her kitchen and tried to imagine what Christine would say.

It was with a great smile that she realized that Christine wouldn't care, she would only be pleased that her daughter had created a home where she could be comfortable. Courtney whooped with joy as she piled her parent's luggage into her 10 year old van. She'd saved for a summer to buy the van and enjoyed the freedom to carry 6 other people or all of her belongings with her anytime she needed to. The shocks were blown, so every speed bump was a free bumper car ride, but it got her around town.

Christine and Dave were as enthralled with Eugene as Courtney was. The green of the mountains and the blue water in the McKenzie river were something they'd only seen in pictures. Her graduation went well and the family enjoyed a week together touring northern Oregon.

She and her parents left Eugene the same day. She hopped on a shuttle flight to San Francisco while Dave and Christine headed back to Ohio. Courtney was looking forward to a week of fun with her friend in California and a break from her parents before she started working full time at the shoe store where she'd worked for the last year.

She arrived in San Francisco and stood up to get off the plane. The plane was full and she was at the back, so it took her a while to get off the plane. She heard a group cheering in the terminal and turned the woman behind her. "That's for me," she joked.

When she got off the plane, she saw that it was for her. Eight women were ready to whisk her into the heart of San Francisco for the annual Gay Pride weekend. Courtney was instantly attracted to one of the women in the group. Tammy was a beautiful Chinese girl from New Jersey. Courtney was so enthralled with Tammy that she snapped pictures of the woman's car as they left the airport garage just to get her attention. The group of eight had a wonderful weekend. They camped out on the floor of a tiny studio in the marina district. Courtney laid her sleeping bag out next to Tammy and they snuggled up at night. She didn't know what it was about this woman, but it was unnerving, scary, and wonderful all at the same time.

One night the group split off and Courtney took the opportunity to spend some time alone with Tammy. They went for pizza and stayed out for hours, sharing parts of their souls that they hadn't shared with anyone else.

After Pride weekend, the group split up and Courtney headed to Santa Cruz for the rest of the week. Tammy came down from Sunnyvale one night and they spent another night in each other's arms. Courtney was coming off of a brief but destructive relationship and was deathly afraid to fall in love again. Tammy seemed so nice, but so had her previous girlfriend. In all fairness, her ex was nice, she just really liked slitting her wrists.

Courtney returned home to Eugene and kept in touch with Tammy. Her job was terrible. She was working long hours and every one of her friends from college had moved away. It was the loneliest year of her life. She thought she'd made a friend when she visited the local bar. The woman was reasonably attractive, but most importantly, she was nice to Courtney one lonely night at the bar. She invited Courtney to stop by the Nordstrom's lunchroom where she waited tables the next day.

Courtney was embarrassed when the woman didn't remember meeting her, let alone inviting her to come down for lunch. They exchanged phone numbers and the woman promised to meet her at a local dive for drinks that night. She finally arrived after Courtney had been cornered by a rather dopey woman who was very enthusiastic about her work as a baker. As soon as the woman exclaimed "I just got into heavy grains!" Courtney was desperate for a way out. Finally, her new friend arrived, already drunk and with another woman in tow. Any hope Courtney had of them dating was dashed as the woman told everyone she saw that she and Courtney were just friends.

She spent some time with the woman, frequenting the local bars. It wasn't the ideal situation, but she prevented Courtney from walking into the bar alone. One night, she picked the woman up at her tiny studio downtown to go out. She was shocked when the woman asked how she liked her crank and got out an old metal Band-Aid box with drugs in it. She followed Nancy Reagan's advice and just said no. That was the last time she hung out with the woman.

There was a monthly potluck advertised in the local gay newsletter and she decided to go. It was a room full of older lesbians and their partners. Bringing humus to the potluck was the social highlight of their lives. Quite a bit more mellow than her crank snorting friend, Courtney set dish of filafel down with relief.

The second time she went, she met Shelly, a pharmacist with kinky hair like an afro who had just moved down from Alaska. Shelley was originally from Michigan, arch rival to Courtney's beloved Ohio State Buckeyes. On their first date, Shelly asked what kind of mascot a buckeye was anyway. Lonely and homesick, this was not the kind of woman she wanted to date. She tried to call it off, but Shelly kept calling. She even happened to be passing through Salem, 70 miles north of Eugene, where Courtney was working for the day to make some extra money.

Courtney returned to the potluck but needed a way to hide from Pube Head, as she had come to call Shelly. She found Gail, a 42 year old mother of 3 boys. She had always known she was gay, but wanted children in the worst way so she'd gotten herself married to make it happen. Gail had kicked her husband out of their room and was working towards divorcing him without messing up her children's lives. She drove in from the lesbian-deprived coast for the pot lucks. She and Courtney took it upon themselves to liven up the potluck with liquor. "You liquor, you brought her," Gail often said to shock the old biddies at the potluck. It only took a few months for Gail and Courtney to transform the pot lucks into a pre-bar gathering.

Having fun with Gail once a month at the potluck wasn't enough to improve her social situation. She threw herself into work and every time she could scrape together a spare $100 for a plane ticket, she visited Tammy but the two remained just friends. Tammy never came up to Oregon. Courtney came down the next summer for Pride weekend, determined to get a tan and to tell Tammy how she really felt about her. She got a sunburn and lost her nerve because it hurt to move.

On the way back, she could see all the mountains from the plane. Mt. Shasta, Ashland, Bachelor, even Jefferson and Crater Lake. It was a beautiful view and she wasn't impressed. She knew her time in Oregon was coming to a close.

The next day she called Christine and said "Mom, I'm coming home."

"But we just saw you. Why are you coming?" Christine asked.

"No, Mom, I'm not coming for a visit. I'm coming home to live."

Christine was thrilled but tried to keep her emotions in check. Courtney was moving back to Columbus, 2 hours away and a much larger city. It was a much easier town to be gay in than Lima. She would arrive later that fall, after Labor Day. Courtney couldn't wait to have her little girl so close again. They had become friends since Courtney left for college and she was eager to take the girl on shopping trips and spend time with her.

Courtney spent all summer preparing for the move. Every spare dollar went into her mover account. This time, she was going to do it right and hire movers. She packed her apartment, it didn't take long, and gave notice at the shoe store. They offered to transfer her but she didn't want to work the long retail hours anymore. She was going to start her life all over again.

Moving day finally came. Her apartment was loaded into the truck and she started her journey. She was driving cross-country, meeting a friend in San Francisco and driving back with him from there. Her first day's drive was to be solo.

Courtney was filled with excitement on the way to California. She'd never driven this way before and was stunned by the scenery. Mt. Shasta and the Black Butte loomed large for hours. They were so big that she couldn't tell if she was close or far away. Lake Shasta was gorgeous, Courtney smiled at the people water skiing and boating around the lake.

She made the trip in one long day. She could have taken 2 days, but she had no money for a hotel, only enough for gas and meals at McDonald's.

It took her 10 hours to get to San Francisco. After living in Oregon for 5 years, she wasn't used to speeding or driving aggressively. She got close to Oakland and was almost run off the road three times, then she took the wrong highway and was shocked that there wasn't an on ramp at the place she'd gotten off. Eventually, she found her way back to the highway and continued to Tammy's house.

Courtney arrived on Friday. She spent a wonderful weekend with Tammy. By Sunday she knew it was now or never and she put the moves on Tammy. They'd been friends for more than a year, but they had both dreamt of this moment. When the following Wednesday rolled around, Courtney was supposed to leave. She knew her life was about to change. She called the movers and asked how much it would cost to deliver the contents of her apartment to Sunnyvale. Right there she said "Let's do it," and the moving truck turned around.

Christine picked up the phone, expecting a report on Courtney's trip. She didn't expect her to ask if she'd signed a lease yet on the apartment Dave and Christine had found for her. "No. Why?" Christine tried not to let the fear creep into her voice.

"I'm staying here, Mom."

"No you're not."

"Mom, I've called the movers and my stuff is on it's way back here to me. I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm staying here."

Christine couldn't talk any longer. She needed to let Dave deal with this. She told Courtney to stay put and wait for her father to call.

When Dave called, she was ready. "I know it's going to suck for a while, but I really need to do this. I've been sitting here trying to think of how long it would take me to save enough money to move here. Then I realized that I may as well do it now."

Dave tried to talk her out of it, but the girl was as stubborn as her mother. It was something that he'd usually admired about both of them, but this time he was certain that she was making a big mistake. He knew that nothing he could say would change her mind, so he gave up and told her he'd be there for her if she needed anything.

Courtney headed to Tammy's office at Apple Computer to tell her the news. The moment she called Tammy from the lobby and said she had to talk to her, Tammy knew she was going to stay. They walked around the parking lot as they talked.

"What about us?" Tammy wanted to know.

"I'm not sure, but I am sure that don't want to leave here and I don't want to leave you. That's all I can tell you."

"Where are you going to live?"

That was the hard part. Courtney was hoping to live with Tammy, but she already had a roommate. She wasn't sure that the roommate would be too excited about someone else moving in. For now, Courtney would stay there but she'd look for a room or an affordable studio somewhere else. The housing prices were so much higher than in Oregon, she knew she'd never get her own place without having a job.

That week, Courtney settled in at Tammy's condo but looked for both a job and a place to live. She heard about one place through a friend of Tammy's. The house was nice enough, but the woman was quite creepy. The room had been open for 6 months, but she wouldn't compromise on the rent, nor would she let Courtney put her thing s in the kitchen. Courtney thanked her for her time and crossed that one off her list.

She found a job selling shoes because it seemed the easiest thing to do. She needed money in the worst way, so she started the next day. She was working the same long retail hours she'd worked in Oregon. This time it was harder to get up to go to work and she was consistently late for her shift. When she calculated that she was making roughly $6 an hour, it was time to try something new.

The manager had been fired and an assistant manager from another store was filling in. Every time Courtney was about to make a sale, he stepped in and took it from her. Each sale meant money in her pocket, each time he stole a sale she was losing money. After 5 days of him stealing her sales and putting her on projects that kept her away from the register and the easy sales it brought, she had had enough. It was a Wednesday, 10:30 a.m. She said "You know what? I quit."

"Just like that?"

"Yup, I don't like the way you've been treating me and stealing my sales. Thanks to you, I'm making barely more than minimum wage."

"Don't you want to stay until someone else gets her to relive you?"

"Nope. Bye."

It was the only time she'd ever quit like that. In the past, she'd been a polite employee, always giving 2 weeks notice and doing her best to remain professional to the end. But this was something different. She'd never been treated this badly and she wasn't going to put up with it. She knew that temps were making $9 an hour or more and it was time to try her hand at that.

She took 6 weeks off from work, went to visit her parents in Ohio for a week. She had a good visit with Christine and Dave after they stopped yelling about how much money she'd cost them by not moving back. Finally, she said "But I'm happy there" and there was nothing they could say. While she was home, Christine asked if Tammy had a "friend."

"That would be me, Mom."

Oh. They'd never talked about the fact that Courtney was gay and she didn't intend to make a big issue of it now. Things were under control in Lima; Mabel had had both her knee and her hip replaced by this point, but she was holding her own. Daisy had died that spring of old age. Christine was in no mood to rock the boat so she let it go.

After she returned, Courtney settled down to find a place of her own and get a better job.

Just when she was about to move in with a woman she'd found through an ad, Tammy's roommate had a change of heart. He took them out to dinner to welcome Courtney into their home. They assumed everything was settled, that Tammy would stay there and start paying rent, but soon after, he had another change of heart and she was scrambling for a place to put her stuff. Waiting out her mood swings weren't worth the effort. Eventually she found a small studio about 15 minutes from Tammy's house. She'd never dated someone she didn't end up living with. She got a big kick out of saying "Your place or mine?"

Courtney signed up at the temp agency and was working the next day. It was a small company, and she was to answer the phones. When some employees were standing around her desk, trying to think of the best way to say something, she spoke up with a suggestion. It was a good suggestion, but because she was a temp, they just looked at her funny and went on talking as if she wasn't there. She was embarrassed and she didn't know why.

Eventually she landed a long-term assignment that brought her a raise and enough time to teach herself HTML. Her boss was undemanding, rarely there, and showed no sign of hiring Courtney full-time. She wanted her next job to be designing Web pages but she'd settle for being a technical writer. For a year, she searched for a better paying job than her current assignment, until one day it came along. She was to write online help for a trendy computer company. The buildings were cool, people wore shorts and t-shirts and appeared to have fun at work. She was so enthralled by the atmosphere that she didn't consider if her skills were up to the job. Right away she noticed that her co-workers were at least 20 years older than she was and took their work very seriously. She did her best to emulate them.

Tammy decided to renew her lease with her roommate. Their two household arrangement was working out well and neither of them was willing to give it up.

Courtney's new job proved to be harder than she'd imagined it would be. She was surrounded by people with more experience than she had and she didn't know how to ask for help. One day, two other writers got into a shouting match over which font to use in a book. It was all Courtney could do to stop from laughing as their tempers flared. She could never be that passionate about a font.

She did her best to write the kind of help they needed, but it didn't go very well. At the last minute, her work was thrown out and another woman wrote it herself. Courtney didn't know what to do. She knew nothing of office politics, and though she tried to be what they needed, she just couldn't cut it. One Wednesday, 6 weeks after she'd been hired, her boss came in and shut the door.

"I've got some bad news."

A too-familiar sinking feeling rushed through her.

"We're going to have to let you go."

"What? But I just got here."

"We need someone more experienced for this project. We just don't have the time to teach you. Sorry."

"Can I at least clear off my computer?"

As she deleted files from her computer, her boss began taking her things off the wall as if she couldn't get Courtney out of there soon enough. Courtney did her best not to cry, but soon enough her emotions got the better of her and the tears spilled out.

She recovered from the blow and had two job offers by the end of the week. One of them was an actual Web job, so she jumped at the chance. It didn't pay as well as the other job, but it was money.

The work was boring, but her co-workers were nice and the environment was great. There was free soda, a huge game room with foosball and air hockey, and flexible hours. Occasionally she dreamed of doing something more interesting but it was a comfortable place to stay. They kept promising her promotions which never came. For some reason she believed them every time and waited for her turn to move ahead. It didn't occur to her that she could only move ahead by going to another company.

Things had cooled off between her and Tammy in the last year. They didn't break up exactly, but they had decided that they should see other people if they wanted to. They still got together once or twice a week, but it wasn't what it had been.

The rent on her small studio had gone up by $100 each year. Courtney's minuscule salary did not raise accordingly. She didn't want Tammy to know how bad things had become, so she would charge their dinner to her credit card when they saw each other. Courtney would then eat ramen noodles the rest of the week. This had been going on for 2 months when her mother called with the offer she couldn't refuse. Returning to Ohio was not something she'd ever intended to do, but she didn't feel like she had any other option. Her grandmother needed her and she needed the money.

She tearfully explained to Tammy that her grandmother needed her, so she had to go. She was still too ashamed to admit that she didn't have enough money to stay in California.

-14-

Courtney settled into her room and her new life at Mabel's. It was fun at first. There was a Waffle House nearby and she made the trip there almost daily, sometimes just for hash browns, other times to see how many little plates of side dishes she could order by herself. The record was 6: hash browns, cheese grits, toast, sausage, Bert's Chili and one egg, over easy. The plates were white with a brown border. The words Waffle House were on each and every plate. Courtney wanted to bring a purse in that would be big enough to take one home unnoticed, but she knew if Mabel saw it, she would make her return it and apologize to her favorite waitress, Dolly.

The first thing Courtney noticed was how long it now took Mabel to get around. Getting her into the car for a trip to the store or her weekly trip to the hairdressers took 15 minutes on a good day. Poor Mabel was late to her hair appointment three weeks in a row until Courtney learned to allow extra time for the trip to the car. The only thing Mabel did with any sense of speed was scratch off her weekly stash of lottery tickets. She often won a dollar or a ticket. It wasn't the money she was after, but the chance to keep playing. Courtney did her best to adapt to the snail's pace that bound everything they did.

Courtney and Mabel stayed up late to watch Benny Hill and spent their days playing cards or tending the garden. Cooking was relatively new to Courtney and her culinary adventures in cooking. More than once, something in the oven caught on fire and they headed to the Waffle House for dinner. Eventually, Courtney learned to cook a few simple meals on her own. Mabel would sit at the table, hoping that tonight's meal would be edible. She didn't want to insult the girl's efforts, but she'd never be a chef.

Courtney missed Tammy but had no idea how they'd ever be together again. They spoke on the phone every week or so, trying to ignore the pain of being apart. The pressure of working so hard day in and day out in the same building had been tough on their relationship. It was a matter of figuring out if it was worth saving. Courtney had no idea if she would ever return to their home. Basically, she was stuck with Mabel until the old woman took her last breath. In the meantime, Tammy planned to visit in the coming months. Courtney was working hard to pay off her credit cards and couldn't buy anything besides the occasional plate of hash browns for a while.

Mabel was hesitant to ask the girl for help when she really needed it. It embarrassed her that she couldn't always get up when she wanted to. She would pretend like she was just kidding and remain seated when her joints didn't cooperate. Mabel hid the pain she was in until Courtney returned home from the store to find Mabel splayed out on the floor, her right leg in an unnatural position. She flickered in and out of consciousness like a TV with a bad antenna but she was able to tell Courtney that she'd pushed her button. Help was on the way and an additional charge would be on Mabel's monthly MedAlert fee for pushing the button.

Courtney rode in the ambulance with Mabel. It was worse than they had feared, a tumor on her knee in addition to the fracture. They would have to operate right away. Courtney called Paul and Duane. They all rushed to the hospital before Mabel went into surgery. Mabel wept at the sight of their concern, though she hoped they would attribute her outburst to the drugs. Most of the time, Mabel was a great stoic, she didn't like for anyone to see her softer side.

The gurney was rushed into surgery and the family settled in to wait. Three hours later, the surgeon emerged. They had been able to remove the tumor and set the leg using pins. They would have to wait on a biopsy. He wasn't optimistic that it was benign, but thought they should wait for a definitive answer. It would take two days.

"if it is cancer, what are the options?" Paul wanted to know.

The doctor didn't want to speculate, but Paul pushed. Most likely, they would need to amputate below the knee. She would have a stump for a leg but would survive. She may or may not be able to walk with a walker and a prosthetic leg, that would be largely up to her. In the meantime, she was resting comfortably. The family didn't have to make any decisions just yet.

Courtney saw her easy life with Mabel disappear. Mabel would need real nursing care, she didn't know if she was up for the challenge. She'd never done anything like this before and she hadn't had to do more in the last few weeks than buy groceries and get things off the shelf when Mabel couldn't reach. With one quick trip to the ground, Mabel had become a patient now, not just her grandmother.

Three hours later, Mabel was wheeled into the Intensive Care ward sporting a bright green cast on her leg with pins sticking out from it. She was reasonably healthy, but given her age her doctors wanted to be ready for anything that came up. She was groggy and there was a white blur in front of her eyes. She waved her hand to clear it up and smacked Paul in the nose. "Was that your eye?"

"Yup. You still pack a punch, Mom."

Mabel figured she'd have better aim when her vision cleared.

"Who are you? Why are you calling me Mom?"

A wave of panic flashed over Paul. Could his mother have amnesia, dementia, or any of the ia diseases that struck old people?

"Ha ha. I'm just messing with ya. How the hell are you, Paul?"

Her voice was weak, but her spirit remained strong. Paul showed off his black eye to anyone who would listen. Mabel took the next two days off from punching and tried to rest. She knew that the nurses wanted to get her out of bed within the next day or two and she wanted to be ready. She was nervous about walking with the cast, but her nurses promised to be by her side, ready to catch her should she fall.

A well-meaning social worker came in to discuss Mabel's options. Mabel's idea of a social worker was someone who would chat with her, perhaps bring her a snack. As soon as the poor woman mentioned the Village, Mabel realized that social worker meant something different than she'd imagined. She threw the woman out of her room. She could be heard shouting from down the hall. "I'm not going to that place. It's filled with old people who drool in their food. Once you go in there, you don't get out. What good would that do me?"

The social worker never returned.

Two days after surgery, Mabel was dressed in her finest housecoat and ready for the biopsy results when the doctor walked in. The findings were promising, there was no cancer. The family breathed a sigh of relief at the news. Mabel recovered quickly and was sent home a week after being admitted without further talk of any nursing homes.

After she came home from the hospital, Mabel thought it was important to return to her routine right away. She thought it would help her heal faster. Her morning routine of Willard Scott and the Today show first, then a break and Bob Barker with his pencil mike on The Price is Right. She didn't like that silly Regis and Kathy Lee. Who really cared about Kathy Lee's kid anyway? She was trying to knit a sweater while Willard introduced the 100 year old ladies who were having a birthday that day. She always like to watch and laugh at the way Willard introduced them as beauties or lovely ladies when they were really quite decrepit. 100 used to seem so far away to her, but it was now only 7 years.

She wasn't paying too much attention until she heard a familiar name. She dropped her knitting and looked up in time to see her stepmother. She looked much older than the last time she'd seen her. Of course, it had been almost 20 years since they'd seen each other, so it stands to reason that she'd aged. Mabel was amazed that the old bag wasn't dead after all. She thought briefly of trying to get in touch with her, but she figured why, the woman would probably ask for money. She let it drop, but did call NBC and purchase a videotape of the day's show.

Mabel hadn't heard from her in years, since the time she'd needed money to replace her father's headstone. Mabel had replaced it with a deluxe model that had space for two names on it: her mother's and her father's. She made sure there was no room for her stepmother's name and verified that the plot on her father's other side was taken.

Mabel's mother died when she was 12 and her father married their 19 year old housekeeper later that year. The two girls never got along and Mabel took off to live with another family during high school. No way was she taking orders from someone so close to her age.

Mabel finished high school and went on to nursing school. She worked as a private duty nurse and had some pretty cushy assignments. Giving a rich old man his medicine and taking his pulse every day, then taking care of a new baby for a young couple. While she was caring for the baby, a friend of the young couple kept coming over. She thought he was awfully interested in the baby, but it turned out he was interested in her. Mabel wasn't interested in getting married. She was a working woman of the world and wasn't too eager to give up her freedom. His name was Bob and he was a farmer from upstate New York.

Bob and Mabel dated briefly. Eventually, Bob's quiet, gentle, manner won her over and they were married in secret later that year. They didn't have enough money throw a wedding party so they hid their union for almost a year until Bob's younger brother Frank came for a visit. Something in the way they acted together made him ask "You two are married, aren't you?"

Bob couldn't keep the secret of his beautiful bride any longer and spilled the beans. The next day, his mother arrived to say that if he could find the money to get married then he could find the money to take care of Frank. The couple scrambled to find a house to rent. Frank moved in the same day they did.

Because Bob died so young, they never had the chance to live together without anyone else. Mabel was taking care of first Frank, then Nana, then her own kids from the day they moved into their bungalow. She imagined she'd be taking care of Duane for the rest of her life.

Bob had worked as a farm hand while they lived in the bungalow. They lived frugally on his salary and the money Nana sent for Frank's care. Within two years, they'd saved up enough money for the down payment on their own farm.

Mabel had never been interested in farming or in living on a farm but the enthusiasm for working the land in Bob's voice was catching. Just to please him, she gave it a try. After they bought the farm, Bob's mother heard about the 4 bedroom house and decided it was big enough for her to live there, too.

Thanks to Nana and Frank, they had a full house well before their babies came. Mabel looked back on those days and wondered how she and Bob had time or the energy to make those babies. But somehow they did. Frank finally met a nice girl and left the house to marry her when little Paul was 5 and Christine was 3.

The same day Mabel buried Bob 7 years later, she moved Nana into a nursing home. Raising 3 kids on her own would be challenge enough without an old woman to care for, too. She finally had their house to herself, but Bob wasn't there to share it with her.

While her children were growing up, Mabel and her stepmother kept in touch sporadically, but Mabel never introduced her to the children. When her stepmother got desperate for money, she'd call Mabel. Sometimes Mabel felt bad for the woman and sent her the money, sometimes she didn't. Though she wasn't a vindictive person, she did enjoy hearing the woman beg. Mabel was quite shocked to hear Willard read the old bag's name. As Willard finished his spot, Christine called to ask if she'd seen it.

Mabel's 100th birthday is a mere 7 years away but she doesn't want to be on the Today Show, especially now that her stepmother had been on it. She says they're a bunch of old ladies and she doesn't want to be seen with that crowd. "I'm not going with Willard," she says every time Courtney mentions it.

Courtney would love nothing more than to hear Willard wish Mabel Hansen from Lima, Ohio a happy birthday and call her a beauty, but she doesn't push the issue. Instead they gather in front of Mabel's TV to wait for Rod Roddy to start calling the lucky people down to Contestant's Row from his booth at the top of the the Price is Right's studio audience. Mabel couldn't wait to see his sequined jackets and see that handsome Bob take the stage with his pencil mike.

Mabel has just settled down to her lunch of cottage cheese and toast when Rod opened the floor for bids on a handsome dinette set. This is Mabel's absolute favorite prize. She throws her arms up in delight, knocking the TV tray over and spewing cottage cheese all over the rug. "Grandma, that's the third time that's happened this week. Can't you control yourself? They give away a handsome dinette set almost every day."

"But this dinette set had a glass table top. Can you imagine a glass table top?"

Courtney could. Her friend Mason had one in her house in high school. They used to tease Mason's cocker spaniels by holding food above the glass and watching them hit their heads when they went for it. But she chose not to share that particular antidote and just cleaned up Mabel's mess.

She headed into the kitchen to make another lunch as the dinette set was awarded to the woman who bid one dollar and Rod Roddy introduced Mabel's favorite game, Plinko. Plinko had been on the show since it's inception, the year of Courtney's own conception, 1972.

Thank God for small favors, she thought as Mabel squealed with delight from the other room. Mabel didn't have anything to knock over this time. It was not going to be easy, trying to ease Mabel into the end of her life. You couldn't ease Mabel into anything.

-15-

Courtney had been living with Mabel for six months when her old boss called. They really needed her, could she come back to work? They'd double her old salary and give her the promotion she'd wanted when she left. The offer left her speechless. There was no way she could leave Mabel, but this took everything that was hard from her life and California and made it better. She told her boss that she needed to think about it and would call him back in a few days.

When Courtney's boss had come to Tammy earlier that week, she'd had some idea what it was about. He wanted the bottom line: what would it take to bring Courtney back? They just weren't making it without her and he'd do anything to get her back. The salary increase and title change were Tammy's idea. She hoped it would work, she missed her so much.

Tammy wasn't surprised to see Courtney's number flash on the Caller ID screen a few minutes later. "Hiya. What's happening?"

"You're not gonna believe this. They want me back, at double the salary and with the title I'd wanted before!"

"So when will you be back?"

That was the hard part. Courtney wanted to do this in the worst way, but Mabel needed her. She had promised to be there for her and couldn't go back on her word.

She took a deep breath and called her boss. "I can't do it. My grandmother needs me."

Courtney missed her job and the wonderful California weather. The summer heat and humidity of Ohio was starting to be unbearable. She'd been able to pay down her debt to a manageable level, and she was getting cabin fever from being with Mabel all day. But she'd made a promise to Mabel that she couldn't go back on.

How about a compromise? They would send her a computer so she could work from Mabel's house and they would fly her out to Sunnyvale for 3 days each moth. Could she work with that?

Only if she could have a sign-on bonus.

The bonus was big enough to pay off the rest of her debt.

The computer arrived and Courtney got to work. Her new job was a great deal more challenging than her old job, but was also more interesting. She didn't need any training. Even with six months away, she still remembered how things worked. The 3 hour time difference meant she could start work as late as 11 a.m. her time and it would still be long before her co-workers got in to the office. That left her mornings free to take Mabel on her errands. She got Mabel settled in front of the TV just in time for Bob Barker to take the stage and headed upstairs to her makeshift office every day.

Christine looked after Mabel during Courtney's first trip back. She'd never been on a business trip before. The company had paid for her ticket and would rent her a car. She would stay with Tammy instead of a hotel, though. That was her choice, and Tammy's.

California was even more beautiful than she'd remembered. She and Tammy had a wonderful 5 days together. They both knew that it wasn't right to give up on what they had and worked tirelessly to find a way for them to be together again. If Courtney would only move back, Tammy would ditch her roommate they could live together. Maybe it was time to move Mabel into a nursing home. Could uncle Duane move in?

Nothing sounded right. Courtney boarded the plane for Ohio with a heavy heart. She had plenty of time to think on the plane, but no answer emerged from within the murky depths of her troubled mind. There had to be a solution to all this.

-16-

This time when Courtney rolled up to Mabel's door, nobody was waiting to see her. Mabel was worn out from her week with Christine. It seemed that nobody had the kind of patience that Courtney did and Mabel had tested everyone in her absence. She didn't get it, Mabel was okay with her, why was she so hard on everyone else.

That night, Courtney went to her mother for advice. She really wanted to move back to California but she didn't know how to do it without breaking her promise to take care of Mabel. Christine was quiet and told the girl to go home to Mabel, she'd get back to her tomorrow.

Puzzled, Courtney returned home and tucked Mabel into bed. It had gotten to the point where getting Mabel up the stairs was a challenge, even with the chair that had ferried her between floors for more than 10 years. Undressing her and helping her into the shower was also a challenge. Unable to support much of her own weight, she leaned on Courtney more and more. Something had to be done.

Exhausted, both Courtney and Mabel fell into a deep sleep until late the next morning. Christine stopped by to take Courtney out to lunch. What she had to discuss, she didn't need Mabel to hear just yet.

Did she still want to go back to California? She hadn't changed her mind in the last 12 hours, that was for sure. Of course she did. Christine thought she'd found a way for her to realize her dream and make good on her promise. Courtney was all ears.

Christine told her about Mabel's $500,000. Courtney could use part of it to put a down payment on a house in California. It would have to be a one story house, so Mabel could get around in it. She'd found a new development near Sunnyvale that promised enough space to raise a family in and wide doors, low counters and places for rails in the bathroom that would enable someone in a wheelchair or in a walker to get around easily. She figured that between Courtney and Tammy's salaries, there was enough to buy one of these homes and take Mabel back there with her.

Courtney had never discussed Tammy much with Christine or Dave. She hadn't been prepared to explain how deeply she felt for the other woman. Until now. Christine had assumed correctly that they were ready to share a home and was doing her best to make that happen for them. Courtney was her only daughter. Her happiness meant more than how Christine felt about who she was in love with. At this point, she wanted only for Courtney to have what she wanted and Mabel to have her own adventure in California.

It took some convincing for Mabel to sell her house and move so far away from her home of 70 years. She was nervous about leaving her home and making such a big move. Would her kids ever come to see her? In the back of her mind she knew that one day she'd have to leave her home, she eventually figured that moving in with a couple of nice young roommates might be just the way to leave this world with a bang.

Three months later, Mabel and Courtney waved goodbye to the moving van that now held Mabel's life and hugged Paul, Christine, Dave and Duane goodbye. They had all crammed into one car for Mabel's only and most likely final trip to the Detroit airport. Mabel didn't shed a single tear, she was dreaming of the palm tree in her new backyard.

Tammy was waiting for them at the airport. They collected their bags and she ushered them to their new home. Courtney and Mabel had only seen pictures of the 3 bedroom beauty, so they couldn't wait to get there. The lawn was small but well manicured. The driveway led into a 2 car garage that had no step going into the kitchen, only a flat walkway. Mabel breezed through the wide doorway with her walker and exclaimed when she reached the kitchen, "This place is beautiful!"

The kitchen skylight poured light into the room as if it were water. The island in the center of the room had a stove and a lowered counter that was just the right height for Mabel. Mabel's room was just off the kitchen and it had it's own bathroom complete with handrails and a chair in the specially made shower. There was no tub, just a wall of tile with a wide door. Mabel couldn't wait to take a shower.

Tammy and Courtney's room was on the other side of the house and opened on to a small deck. It had vaulted ceilings and a loft study above it. As she was investigating her new home, Courtney heard a yipping noise from the backyard and went to investigate. There was a brown and white beagle who couldn't wait to meet her. "Her name is Alice. She's 9 years old and she's been looking forward to meeting you."

The dog was a beautiful bundle of energy. Courtney dropped her bags and went to greet the dog. Right away, Alice climbed on her, licking her face and her ears to show how very happy she was to meet her other new mommy. Tammy went on to say that she found the dog through the local beagle rescue group. She'd been with a family for the last 8 years but they just couldn't take care of her the right way. An extremely social dog, Alice had spent the last 2 years cooped up in the side yard longing for attention. Courtney was confident that Alice was about to get all the attention she could ever want. Tears rushed into Courtney's eyes. "I'm so happy. This house, Mabel, you and the dog are everything I'd dreamed of."

In the coming years, Courtney's dream of a child came true. Trevor was a 4 year old boy who'd been in an orphanage since he was 9 months old. The boy's hopes for finding a family of his own dwindled with each passing day. It was a long, cautious road to adoption for the potential family.

The boy's birthmother had 2 other children. Trevor had been taken from her because she didn't have the money to feed all 3 children. Trevor had been severely malnourished and spent a month in the hospital. He has been shuffled between foster homes and the orphanage ever since. His birth family kept hoping that they could get the money together to bring him back to their home, but after 4 years, it wasn't likely.

Completely ignoring regulations, Courtney and Tammy met with them and made it clear that his becoming a part of their family didn't mean he would turn his back on theirs, it just meant that he'd have his own room and too much love for the first time in his life. His birthmother relinquished her parental rights a week later and Trevor soon became their son. She is a distinguished guest at his birthday parties and Christmas dinner but she is no longer his Mommy. That honor goes to Courtney and Tammy.

Having the rescue dog, the older child, and the 100 year old woman under one roof was at times a logistical nightmare. Mabel was crazy about Trevor and insisted on coming to every one of his soccer and T-ball games. Getting all of them out of the house at the same time took some serious planning. It wouldn't work if Trevor was whining or Mabel fell behind. Each member of the rag tag family was responsible for getting themselves into the car. Courtney or Tammy could take it from there.

Once Trevor came home for good, the guest room became a shrine to all things little boy. They painted a stadium on the walls and found a carpet that looked like a baseball diamond. His sofa had a dugout roof over it just tall enough for kids to sit under -- No Adults Allowed. His bunk beds had baseballs at the end of the posts. The only detail spared was a spittoon. The first time he saw the room he shouted with glee for an entire day. Even after a year, he got excited every time he walked into the door. He finally had a family of his own.

This left no guest room, but that didn't stop Christine, Dave and Paul from visiting as often as they could. Even Duane saved up enough money for the plane fare to visit his mother, nieces and great nephew. Mabel was happier than she'd been in years. Trevor's infectious laugh made sleeping in his bottom bunk pretty appealing to their visitors.

Christine loved being a grandma. She'd started with the dog, sending bed after bed, toys, and fancy treats. They called them Grandma Beds. Alice loved them. Trevor's arrival brought a never ending stream of packages. Books, toys, clothes, anything Christine saw that he could possibly like. Christine found her true calling in being a grandma.

Mabel settled herself on the back porch for her nightly ritual. She gazed out to the palm tree in the backyard. There was nothing she loved more than watching the sun wash over the palm leaves as it faded from the sky. The journey of her life was to end here, in California and she didn't want to miss a moment.

While it would be easy to say that everything turned out wonderfully and the ragtag family got on fabulously every day, that isn't quite the truth. Despite the occasional skirmish, they have learned to live together and love one another. There's nowhere else that Mabel would rather be than her new home in California. At last count, Mabel was still reliving the moment when Willard Scott announced her 100th birthday. "...and a big happy birthday to Mabel Hansen of Sunnyvale California. Isn't she beautiful?"

Yes, yes she is, said Courtney, Tammy, and Trevor in unison as the sun went down over the family they'd come to be.