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"So onward and upward
Ascend of the unheard,
I search for enough words
To thankfully extol
The dream of creation
A red-wine sensation
The power of persuasion
Personified and whole"
An excerpt from 20 Questions by one of my favorite groups THE POSIES. As a little girl I always dreamed of what my life would be like when I grew up and got married. What little girl doesn't? I said by the time I was 25 I was going to be married to a successful owner of an independant business, have 2 kids-a boy and then a girl and be totally happy for the rest of my life! I look back and laugh now. I am going to be 30 this year and I have accomplished none of those things! I was married for 1 year but thankfully we had no children.
I met Gary in the fall of 1993. I had once again just broken up with Dan.(perhaps I should have seen the pattern?) Gary owned a phone service that I needed at the time. After chatting off and on for a few weeks he asked if he could meet me. He was 14 years older than I was. He sounded really nice on the phone so I agreed to go to a movie with him. We had a good time and began dating on a regular basis. Gary spent Christmas with my family that first year and won them over with his charm and sense of humor. In March of 1994 Gary closed his previous business opened a video and game store along with his brother. We started growing closer and about a month later he moved into my home. By the summer his brother had decided the store was no competition for the major video rental places in our area and they closed the business. Gary had worked construction jobs before and decided to go back to doing that. Unfortunately construction is a seasonal job and when the winter weather began, Gary's job ended. Gary liked to spend money. He was worse at shopping than I am and I will admit I am bad! He was always coming home with something new for the computer or his jeep or whatever else caught his eye. In order to keep doing this Gary knew he had to find work soon so he got a job doing what he had been trained for in the Army-driving a semi-truck. It meant that he would be gone alot but I knew there was no way I could support both of us. He gave me a pager so he could reach me whenever he got a break in driving. He asked me to have it turned on whenever I was not at home so that I could find a phone to call him at quickly. He wanted me to have it turned on while I was at work also but I did not feel it was appropriate so I refused to do that. I did not think anything bad about his giving me the pager, I just thought he loved me and wanted to be able to stay in contact with me. I was only 1/2 right.I did not see that little by little he was taking control of my life.
Gary managed to make it home for a few days every 3 weeks or so. He was home for Thanksgiving and he made it home for our second Christmas together. On Christmas day we announced our plans to get married the Saturday after Thanksgiving of the coming year. My parents were excited, my sister reserved. I should have noticed her reaction. She had been right about Karl being a neanderathal and she was right here once again. We started planning right away. Gary got me a cell phone to replace the pager so we could keep in better contact over the coming year. Though he phoned me at home every night, at first he did not call the cell phone often, just once in awhile. He always wanted to know where I was and why I was thare and of course, was I spending too much money? We maintained seperate checking and savings accounts which I am still thankful I did. The year went by quickly and by August everything except the food was ready for the wedding. It was about this time that Gary began to change or that I woke up which ever you choose to believe. He began to call me more and more when I was not at home. If I did not answer the phone he would call my parents to see if I was at their house, if I was not he would call and leave a message on our answering machine telling me what time he was going to call again and since he did not get many breaks he would appreciate my being home to take the call. I felt really bad whenever this happened and I would spend the entire time we talked apologizing to him. When Gary came home we always did whatever he wanted to do. I had no say in what movies we saw or where we went. He said since he was not home very often I should allow him to choose what he wanted to do while he was home. Oddly enough this made sense to me and I never questioned him. By now we had joint credit cards and were running them up pretty high. Gary like expensive toys. The wedding was only a few weeks away. I should let you know that my parents and I paid for the entire wedding. Gary paid for nothing. His parents did not even know we were getting married. His father was elderly and in a nursing home 3 hours away. His mother had left town suddenly and did not tell anyone where she had gone. I felt sorry for him having only his brother and his family as realitives. Maybe that is part of the reason I was blind to some of the things he was doing to me.
A month before the wedding Gary and I had a major argument. He accused me of favoring my dog over his dog. It was a stupid argument but he would not drop it. In fact he even called me the next day at work and proceeded to continue it over the phone. It upset me and my best friend at the time who was going to be one of my bridesmaids called my sister to tell her what had happened. They told me I needed a "Girls Only" night out. We went to one of our favorite places. After the food arrived and we were into eating they informed me the real reason they had asked me to meet them was because they felt I should not marry Gary. I told them I was fine and that the argument was nothing. They pointed out how he was trying to control me with phone calls and always checking up on me. I told them they were being ridiculous. Rachel-my friend-asked me when the last time was that we did anything I wanted to do when he was home. I told her he was home so little I did not mind. Marissa-my sister-informed me that Steve-her fiance-had decided he would not be in our wedding because he als did not think I should marry Gary. I just shrugged it off and said fine figuring one of Gary's nephews could take his place. Rachel told me she was not sure if she wanted to be in the wedding anymore either. I got mad and told her that was her choice to make. The wedding went on as scheduled and Rachel was a part of the wedding party. On November 27, 1995 I was married.
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