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Gosh are you still with me? Thanks!!! I am feeling better already! I have asked a few friends to view what I have done so far and the feedback has been very supportive. It is easy to talk to people who do not know me but I had a hard time asking someone who does know me to read the pages! Thanks RAgE and Lennon for the *hugs* after reading what I had to say. Get comfy, this is a long story!
1996 got off to a bad start in my marriage. On New Year's Eve Gary and I had our first battle of the year. I had been ill since just before Christmas and was still feeling weak. Gary's brother called at 6pm to say he had gotten us tickets to a New Year's Eve party at a local club. I really was not feeling up to going out but Gary insisted. He accused me of never wanting to do anything with his family! It was a ridiculous statement considering when he was home they were the only ones we went out with. When he was gone they rarely called me to do anything with them. Gary's brother is an abrupt and callous man. He is one of those people who is never wrong and will argue a point until you finally give up and say yes he is right even if you know he is wrong! He and his wife have 3 boys. Jim was constantly yelling and screaming at them, calling them stupid and in general verbally abusing them over things I felt were not their fault or were not as serious as he made them out to be. His wife is afraid of him but would come to me crying because of the way he treated her and the boys. The older 2 boys have confided in me how much animosity they feel towards their father for the way he treats them and their Mom. As a result spending time with them was not on the top of my list of priorities, but for Gary's sake I did.
The club we went to was of course extremely crowded. It was smokey and I got nauseous just walking in. Gary thought I was faking because I had not wanted to come. After sitting for a bit and listening to the band I felt better and I enjoyed the company of Jim's wife. Gary decided it was time we started dancing. As I said before, I love to dance. Gary and I had never been dancing however and had only danced once at our wedding. I had no idea what I was in for!!! Gary was, shall we say, an erratic dancer?! He had no rythmn and kept-for lack of a better expression, flinging his arms around hitting people in the process. When I think back I laugh at the sight now. That night however, it was embarrassing! Don't get me wrong- I am no Ginger Rogers but I do know on a crowded dance floor you need to maintain some control! I moved closer to Gary & very politely asked him to dance a little tighter, explaining to him how people looked as though they were getting upset when he hit them. He got mad and started yelling at me right there on the dance floor! I was horrified. I walked away and went to the ladies room to calm down. When I came back he continued the discussion for a good 1/2 hour, with me on the verge of tears the entire time. Thankfully someone at the next table said the words "I like to play DOOM on the internet". Gary was occupied for most of the rest of the night!
Gary left to get back to work a few days later. On January 20 the first in a series of bad luck incidents for 1996 occured. I was driving home from work and was 1 block away from my house. I live on a narrow street and it had been snowing most of the day so the road was very slick. I saw a large truck ahead of me on the road so I pulled over to allow it more room to pass. The driver was going too fast and for some reason did not get over far enough to get passed me. He slammed into me totalling my car and injurying me enough that I did not finish with physical therapy until January of this year! I did not know at the time of the accident I was 6 weeks pregnant. 3 weeks later when I finally got into my doctor I found the twins I had been carrying were dead. Though my doctor is reluctant to say it is my belief the accident terminated my pregnancy. More than anything else I have always wanted to be a mother. I was devestated. Gary was on the road and made little effort to get home. I did not want to have surgery to remove the babies. It may seem odd or sadistic but I wanted to lose the babies naturally. I knew they were not alive but I still saw having the surgery as an abortion and that is something I could never do. My Mom & Dad took turns staying with me for 2 weeks. Gary phoned about every other day but his main concern seemed to be if our insurance would cover the surgery and not for my feelings. In the end I wound up having the surgery and paying for it using part of the money I received from the damage to my car. Gary made it home the day after I had the surgery and could not understand why I did not feel like going out. As soon as I was well enough Gary wanted to make our main priority concieving another child. I however wanted to wait. The few doubts I had before about my marriage were growing everyday. I knew it was not an enviroment to bring a child into no matter how much I wanted one.
I started noticing Gary's temper getting worse by spring time. He had switched companies in February and now had a voice mailbox. In addition to phoning me he now asked me to phone into the mailbox 3 times a day. If I did not do it or if I did not call at the time he asked me to, he would call and ask me why I had not called. If for some reason I was not home he would track me down or leave an angry message on the answering machine. He started telling me he would prefer I not associate with Rachel and he tried to keep from doing things with Marissa and Steve by telling me we would go out and do whatever activity they had invited me to do. He also became meticulous about the way I cleaned house. I have never been a spotless housekeeper but my house is never dirty either. Gary suddenly wanted it spotless. When he called he would ask me what I had cleaned that day. When he came home he walked from room to room looking to see how clean they were. He complained that he was the only one who did any housework. At one point he became violent and in addition to yelling at me he began taking things off the walls, including a wreath my Mom had made from the flowers at our wedding, and throwing them at me and at the walls. He ripped up a shirt he had bought me that I had yet to wear screaming about how nothing he did was ever good enough for me. I sat huddled on the couch holding the cat close to me so she would not get hurt. He apologized the next day and took me out to dinner. I knew in my heart it was not going to work out and began checking into divorcing him. I knew it would be a struggle to exsist financially on my own and knowing he would not be home often I suppose I did not make as big of an effort as I could have made to end the marriage.
Our final downfall began in August. Gary was out of town. Marissa and Steve asked me to go out of town with them to see our favorite group in concert. I told Gary I was going and that I would be out of town for the night as we would be staying with friends, members of Steve's band whom I had known for over 5 years but Gary had never met, rather than driving back after the show. He seemed fine with the idea. The show was great and I enjoyed myself more than I had in a long time. After the show we went out for coffee then back to our friends house to crash for the night. We slept in sleeping bags in the living room and our friends slept in their rooms. I saw nothing wrong with this arrangement. When I arrived home the next afternoon there were messages from Gary asking why I had not phoned in to his voicemail the night before. While I was listening to the messages Gary called. He was furious and demanded to know why I had not phoned in. I explained that the concert was very good and that afterward I was too tired to call in. He asked me why I could not have taken 5 minutes away from the concert to call in on my cellphone. It was a long distance call and I did not feel it was so important that it could not wait until the next day. He asked why I had not phoned from the motel the next morning. I reminded him we had stayed with guys from the band. He exploded asking how I could put our marriage in jeopardy by doing a stupid thing like that. I was dumbfounded. I asked him what he meant and he flew into a rage about how I was a married woman and I should not be staying in a house with single men! I laughed. I told him these guys were like my brothers and I explained the sleeping arrangements to him. It made no difference. He actually accused me of having an affair with the lead singer! I was speechless. I could believe he was getting so angry or that he trusted me so little. I dropped the subject hoping he would too. I was wrong. He called my parents asking them how they could allow me to put our marriage on the line like I had. They too laughed knowing the lead singer & I had nothing in common and no interest in each other at all! 2 weeks later when he got home he was still angry. I began looking for an affordable lawyer shortly after that.
As you can tell I like to talk. In October I found a great music chat room on the Webmaster IRC server. I started having alot of fun and making new friends, male as well as female, that I shared common interests with. We exchanged e-mail addresses and began writing notes to each other. It was all in fun. I was not looking for a web romance or anything, just a few friends. While he was home in November Gary opened the email one day and found a note to me from a male friend. The note was nothing romantic or illicit, it just said he had a great time chatting with me the night before. Gary called me at work and asked me who the guy was. I explained he was one of my chat buds. Gary said if I had any hope of saving our marriage I had better get home right away. Wanting to know just what the note said I went home. I planned on telling Gary I wanted a divorce, that I was not having an affair, I just did not want to be married anymore. I came home and went straight to the computer room. Before I could even read the note Gary started calling me a slut and asking me if I realized what I was giving up by having an affair on the net. He told me he was the best thing I had. I told him I was not having an affair on the net or in real life. He called me a liar and hit me so hard my glasses flew across the room and I hit my head on the wall I was standing near. I stood there and looked at him. My only words were "I cannot believe you did that! Get out of this house right now!" He pushed me out of his way, grabbed a bottle of whiskey-which I did not even know he had hidden, and informed me he was going to his friend Leroy's house. I had never heard of this friend before that day. He left and I called my parents asking them to please come over. By the time they arrived 10 minutes later he was back. I told them what had happened even though they could tell, my face was bruised already. Gary started telling them about the affair he thought I was having. I started crying. I could not believe what was happening. Gary apologized for losing his temper and hitting me. By then it did not matter, I just wanted him gone. I told him to leave and also asked my parents to leave. I needed time to think alone. Gary came back about 20 minutes later saying his friend was not home. I had locked the door but he had a key and let himself in. I told him I wanted a divorce. He told me he would forgive me for having an affair if I promised not to do it again and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and stated again I wanted a divorce. He ripped the necklace I was wearing, which he had given to me, off of my neck and threw it at the wall. I asked him to leave only to be told it was his house too. I went into the bedroom and locked the door. My sister phoned to see how I was and if I had called the police. I told her I did not want to make anymore trouble. When we hung up she called the police. I was asleep when they arrived. Gary knocked on the door and woke me up to tell me they were there. They questioned us seperately to see if I had hit him too. The officer who talked to me was concerned my jaw might be misaligned since there was already bruising. I told him I was fine. They arrested Gary. His brother bailed him out a couple of hours later.
The next day my Dad changed the locks on my doors to keep Gary from coming in. There was a restraining order barring him having contact of any kind from me but I was still afraid. 2 days later I came home from work to find he had broken into the house through a back window. He had taken things belonging to him and done 2 things I found quite amusing. First he took a bath and left the towel in the middle of the living room floor. Why? I have no idea. Next he put a password on the computer thinking I would not be able to use it. Like I could not get past a simple password! *grin* Even though he was not supposed to call me he did. At first he wanted to work things out but finally he said since he knew he could never trust me when he was out of town, he felt getting a divorce was the best alternative! He offered to help me finishing paying off my jeep and to give me $3600 he owed to me for loaning him the money to fix his jeep. He said we could work things out on our own and he did not feel we needed the added expense of lawyers. I said that was fine, but stupid me did not get it in writing. I still trusted him I guess.
Thanksgiving and Christmas flew by and before I knew it New Year's Eve was upon me! How different New Year's 1996 was from 1995. I stayed at home and was totally happy. My friends and realitives started saying how much happy I was looking. Though no one would step foward before, EVERYONE now said they were glad Gary was out of my life. Little did anyone know what 1997 held in store for me!
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