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'Pooh,' he whispered.
'Yes, piglet?'
'Nothing,' said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. 'I just wanted to be sure of you.' "
...AA Milne
1997 started off ok. Even though Gary was not supposed to phone me he continued to do so. Each time he called he promised me the same thing, he would help me finish paying off my jeep and would begin paying me the money he owed me. Gary had to be home by the middle of January to attend a court hearing on the Domestic Violence charge. He dropped of the papers he had drawn up using a Do-It-Yourself divorce kit at my parent's house. He asked them to have me sign them as soon as possible so he could file them and we could get on with our lives. You can imagine my surprise when I read the papers and got to the clause about the two of us having NO COMMUNITY DEBT! My mouth dropped open as I continued to read how all of the debt belonged to me and he did not feel he should be held responsible for any of it! He also stated he wanted the computer and all of the accessories which he had previously informed me I could keep since I needed them for my work. He stated I could keep the jeep as long as I continued to make the payments and kept it insured! I laughed at this part because he never felt insurance was needed on vehicles since he was a careful driver. As a result I paid all of the insurance on both vehicles while we were married. I knew right then there was no way I could get a fair deal without getting a lawyer to help me out. My parents offered to help me and together we found a lawyer who could actually get me in the next day. I had the day off from work so this was great. The next day, Gary called my parents to try to arrange a time to come over to pick up more of his things. They were not home when he called but as soon as they got the message they phoned me. My phone had been ringing off the hook all morning but I had not answered it. I have caller ID and when it indicated the call was out of area (which is usually a cellphone call) I decided to wait and see if the person left a message. I knew Gary would not. I told them I was on my way to see the lawyer and would be gone about an hour or so. I asked them to find out when Gary wanted to come over and if they were unable to be there I would call the police or a friend to be there when he came over. I checked my caller ID and made a note of the fact a call from the same number had been repeated 15 times that morning. I figured I was making a safe guess that the calls were from Gary.
My meeting with my lawyer went fine. I brought her proof that the debt incurred was community, it turned out that did not matter anyway since the state I live in is a community property state. I informed her of the phone calls that morning and of the restraining order against Gary. We wrote out what we believed was a fair deal, I only asked for what Gary had told me he would give me-1/2 the money stilled owed on the jeep, the money he owed me and the computer. I offered to pay all of the rest of the debt myself simply to get him out of my life. I left feeling relieved by the fact I now had help. I called my parents to see what time Gary was coming over. They were not at home so I called their cellphone. My Mom had been unable to reach Gary so I decided to go home and get a few things done. When I rounded the corner to my house I got a BIG surprise. Gary's jeep was in the driveway and the front door was wide open. I knew he did not have a key. I also knew the window he had used previously to enter the house was now bolted shut. I called my parents who told me to call the police. I did and went to pick up my Dad from where he and my Mom were about a mile from house. We arrived back at my house just before the police did. I pulled in behind their car thus preventing Gary from getting out of the driveway. He was already in his jeep ready to leave when we arrived. When asked why he was at the house he stated he was not to be there when I was and that I would not let him in when I was not at home. He told the officer he had tried to get in touch with my parents all morning and seeing I was not home decided to go in to the house. About this time the officer who had talked to me the night of the assualt pulled up, having heard the address and knowing what had happened previously, he felt he might be of some service. When asked how he got in to the house Gary told the officers the back door was unlocked. I shook my head no, knowing I never leave any doors unlocked. The officer who had just arrived asked to see the back door and I took him throught the house where we discovered the chain and bolt had been shattered from the door frame. It was evident there had been a significant effort made to get into the house. We went back outside where he informed the other officer the door was in no way unlocked when Gary had arrived. While the officers went over the Restraining Order against Gary they asked me to go through what he had removed from the house. Most of the things he had removed were his though he did take a few computer programs and music CD's belonging to me. I took back what was mine and noted that he had purchased a laptop for himself. I did something I totally regret next. The officers were unsure if Gary had actually violated the Restraining Order since he had not made contact with me. They said I could have him arrested for trespassing but the charge really was a minor one. I told them I would not press charges since proving Gary had violated the restraining order was questionable. All 3 of the officers on the scene made it very clear to Gary that he was NOT to come back onto the property, phone me or make contact with me in any way. He agreed. However, so far he has yet to comply with the agreement 100%.
I should add at this point, the details of Gary's assualt case. I did not want to have to go to court and face Gary. The prosecuting attorney for the case agreed it really was not neccessary since Gary and I were divorcing anyway. He asked me if I would consider keeping the case open for a year under the terms of the restraining order. Gary is not to have contact with me or come onto my property. He is not supposed to have contact with my parents except to arrange times to pick up items still belonging to him at my residence or at theirs. He is not supposed to phone them for any other reason and he is not supposed to harass any members of my family. Any violations result in immediate prosecution, no trial needed. I thought this agreement sounded fine and I was happy I would not have to go to court. It was my understanding that in the event Gary broke the agreement I could notify the prosecuting attorney and he would take care of the violations. I must be either insane or incredibly stupid because I somehow think I messed up yet again.
I started working for a tri-state craft store in 1993. I was the third person hired at the store and as the company grew I did too. I went from being a Dept. Manager to a buyer in a little less than a year. I loved my job and got along great with the owners of the company. As my responsibilities grew the store manager and I began to have conflicts though. He had a problem with women-especially younger ones than he was, in an authority position and thus began to resent me. I thought I was imagining things until others I worked with began commenting on the remarks made to me by the manager. In February of this year I was asked to come to work for the corporate office. I was already going to the other 7 locations in our chain training others on some of the programs run by the corporate office. At first they wanted me to move to Vancouver Washington which I was very happy about seeing as how I would no longer have to work with the manager of my location on a daily basis. It was decided however that having me stay at the store I was at would be more beneficial to the company since I would be closer to the northern most stores in our chain and since I was the longest standing employee at the location I was at and everyone else there was pretty new, the owners decided I should stay there for a year and run the programs from the store I was at. Though I was disappointed, I accepted this and began implementing the changes they wanted to see in all of the stores. The manager of the store was NOT at all happy with my promotion. The fact he had to run certain ideas and plans by me before he continued with them did not set well at all. In short for every project the corporate office would give me, he would give me a store level project which required immediate attention thus delaying the corporate project. The final straw came in the middle of March when he told me my department, the busiest in the store and the one with the least amount of employees due to the fact HE DID NOT FEEL I REQUIRED ANY HELP, was bringing the store appearence down because I did not seem willing to change the displays I had up. I exploded. I pointed out how many changes I had made in the past month, the number of new displays I had put up in the past week and the fact I had 1 part time person helping me to run the busiest department in the store. I told him I was sorry he was not big enough to accept the fact I was growing with the company and to support my growth. He refused to listen to a word I said and by the time he got the part of his speech about how I was bringing the moral of the store down (where that part came from I still do not know!) I had heard enough. I stood up and walked out of his office, never looking back. I knew I was taking a risk not having a job but I also knew I could no longer work with a man who would never seen beyond his petty jealousy and male ego and wake up to the fact I knew what I was doing and the owners of the company had faith in my abilities even if he did not. I went home and called the owners and explained what had happened. I take great pride in the fact that a few amusing things happened after my departure. First, 3 more long time employees have walked out. Second,the manager of the store got into major trouble for letting me walk out and for not trying to come to grips with HIS attitude towards me. Third, it now takes 5 PEOPLE to do the job I WAS DOING BY MYSELF! Lastly, the programs I was working on for the corporate office have been shelved for an unknown amount of time because there is no one they feel can handle them employeed in the company at this time. I went into the store for the first time since I walked out earlier this week (it is now May). Everyone was so happy to see me and I felt so good. The manager came up to me and made some very rude comments. I was with a lady I am working for now and she was floored by his attitude. She praised me for leaving and asked me how I managed to tolerate him when I worked there. I just shook my head and laughed!
I included the above information as well as the next few sentences so you would have a background on Gary's next move. As I said before, Gary is not supposed to harass me or my family. Marissa and Steve have moved to Seattle so Gary has no idea where they are. He contines to harass my parents however. Near Easter Gary called my parents one night after 11pm. My parents though not old by any means, they are only in their 50's, are not in good health. My mother has Grave's Disease and due to the many stresses in her life (she should write a page like this), including the fact that her 96 year old father now has cancer, it has progressed at a much more rapid rate than is usually common. In short, my once active mother is now leagally blind and though she has been through 6 surgeries, her sight is not restored and probably never will be. My father is a diabetic and it too is taking its toll on him. Though he does not require insulin he at times has no feeling in his feet and hands, he has cataracts and has also had several surgeries in the past 6 months the last of which he is still recovering from due to the fact it was incredibly painful. They were in bed when Gary called. My Mom is so kind and sweet she would never ask Gary why he is calling so late at night. She just let him ramble on. Why did he call? To let them know they had better get ME under control! He informed them he was not having me spied on but he did know I HAD BEEN FIRED from my job. My mother politely told him I had walked out and gave a brief run down of the events leading up to my decision. He progressed into telling her I was too involved in the internet and if they did not get me out of it I might just disappear and never be heard from again! Finally, he informed them that I was so far in debt I was never going to get out and that they ought to declare bankruptcy FOR ME! My Mom just let him go on and then told him she was making arrangements with Jim to see that the rest of his stuff would be picked up soon and then she hung up when he was finished. I was furious when she told me he had called. I called the prosecuting attorney who was not in his office and so far has not gotten back to me. I also called my lawyer to see if there was anything she could do. Unfortunately she was in court and her assistant did not seem to concerned about the call and suggested my parents change their phone number! I let her know the issue I had was with the fact he was calling my parents and harassing them at all and that changing their phone number was irrelevant in my opinion. Shortly there after my lawyer received a letter from Gary's lawyer stating that Gary refused to pay any of the debt incurred in the marriage and that he needed the computer for HIS job! I laughed! I met with my lawyer and we went over the statement Gary had prepared. Gary is still driving a truck and is in town for a day or 2 every other month. He claimed he was paying $450 a month for rent, he has no apartment or house. He claimed his electric bill was $75 a month. I wanted to know where he was using this electricity at. He claimed other living expenses that totaled over $650 a month. It took only seconds to see what he had done was make up expenses to make it look as though I make more money than he does, when in truth he makes 3 times what I make. When we got to the part about him needing the computer for his job, I explained the truck Gary drives has an onboard computer for routing him, so there is no need for him to have another computer. I also informed my lawyer Gary had purchased a laptop and his brother had told me they talked online every night. What I did not tell her was the computer in my possession was having a few problems and I figured it would need some major repairs very soon. I told her I really did not care about the computer anymore and that if giving it to Gary would get him to pay me the money he owes me and get him out of my life he could have it. I went out and bought a new computer, which is far superior to the one I had. I also decided to take a little revenge and with the help of a few internet chat buds "fixed" the computer I gave to Gary! He is going to have quite a time ever getting it to run again! I know what I did was wrong but I felt REALLY good after I did it!
Last month Gary's brother Jim picked up the rest of Gary's things from my house. Gary brought into our marriage a phone, a set of towels, a set of sheets and a beat up chair. In addition to these things, I gave him the dishes and silverware, knives, glasses, appliances, towels and blankets we had received as wedding gifts. I kept only the computer programs I needed-Print Shop Deluxe and Print Artist. I gave him all of the rest of the programs including some I now wish I had kept. He phoned my parents yesterday and told them he was missing a bunch of his things and wanted to know why I had kept them. He was unable to tell them WHAT I had kept though, just that he knew I still had some things that belong to him. He still refuses to pay any of the debt we incurred and has told his lawyer the only way HE feels I can get out of the debt I have gotten myself into is to declare bankruptcy. Gary was ordered by the court to pay certain bills until our divorce is final yet he refuses to pay even those! I am becoming much stronger though and I can honestly say there is no way I am going to let him get away with what he is trying to pull. He is going to pay the money he owes me and he is going to know I have grown and changed and I am not going to be intimidated by him ever again!
As of May 20, 1997 I am no longer the "Queen of Temp Jobs"! I am now a Cash Management processor and assistant Computer Graphics Designer for a linen company where I live. Funny thing is I applied for the graphics job 5 years ago but lacked the experience needed for the position. Strange how beneficial "playing" on the internet can be?! The company I now work for supplies linens and uniforms to places like Starbucks, Boston Market, Chevron, hotels and hospitals in my state as well as the closest 2 neighboring states. It is a MAJOR business! I never thought about how Starbucks got new clean aprons and towels, I guess I just assumed they had a washer and dryer in addition to the coffeemakers! I have been at the job for about 7 weeks now and though it is not the most exciting job I have ever had it is never dull to say the least! Even when the computer gurus were updating the system last week there was still plenty to do that had nothing to do with the computers! The people I work with are all very nice with one noteable exception and trust me no one would object to my saying she is not a nice person! I like my job but it is a very different world from I have ever worked in. The people I work with in the office are for the most part, very wealthy and well educated. They drive expensive cars like converible beemers and take expensive trips at the drop off a hat. Heck one Friday afternoon one of the owners brought his boat to work because he wanted to leave right after work for vacation and did not want to have to drive back home! I feel inadequate when I am around these people. They never put me down, I just feel as though I am not worthy of them. It is difficult to explain. I just show up, do my job and hope it is enough to please them. I think the inferiority is still due to my childhood and worrying if I am good enough or performing up to their expectations. My boyfriend cracked me up the other day because he quoted Stuart form SNL to me. He said just keep telling yourself "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough and GOSH DARN IT people like me!" I busted out laughing! His impersonation was right on! Pete is great for things like that. When I get down I just think of something he has said and I start to feel better. Guess that is one of the reasons I care about him so much. :ož
MY WORST NIGHTMARE HAS COME TRUE...
I received a call from my lawyer this morning. My divorce will be final on September 4th and she wanted to go over a few things with me before we go to court. She had information which sent chills down my spine and still has my hands shaking even hours after I spoke to her. Somehow, Gary found these pages, copied the paragraphs/pages which best suited him and gave copies of them to his lawyer, who in turn passed them on to my lawyer! I do not know how many she has but she refered to MY NIGHTMARE CONTINUES and to THE DARKEST DAYS. I have no idea how he found these pages. Tahlia is not my real name, Gary is not his real name, the name I listed with geocities is Tahlia. For a very brief time-maybe 2 weeks, when I was beginning this page I had my real name listed with geocities. That was way back in April though. I am mystified. I checked my listing today just to make sure I had changed it and I had. At first I was really upset that Gary had found these pages. Then I thought about it and gave myself a little pep talk-"Don't let this get to you. Look how much better you are doing since you started these pages. Think about how many people have written to you and thanked you for being brave enough to tell what has happened to you. Keep thinking of how much better off you are without him and how many people have written to you or told you personally how glad they are he is no longer a part of your life." I feel better now. Actually, in a small way, I am glad Gary found Talking to Tahlia. I want him to finally see what I was feeling, how he was hurting me and most of all how I am getting on with my life. I will ask to see the pages tomorrow and see which version he has and if he now knows about Pete. Some people who come here may think my getting involved with Pete is too soon. His visit was incredible though. He is by far the most caring man I have ever met. I am working on a page about him and his visit.August 29, 1997. My visit with my lawyer went well today. Gary had a very early edition of this page which ended before his brother Jim had come to pick up the remainder of his things. My lawyer said it really had no bearing on the case and it was nothing to be worried about. Also, last night I figured out how Gary found this page. I switched internet providers just after I started this page. I had listed this page under my previous provider name not really thinking ahead to what I was going to put on it. In the beginning I intended to only go into my physical abuses and not the details of my marriage, but after I decided to keep adding to the page the fact I had listed it with my previous provider never crossed my mind. I suspect Gary went to WHO'S WHO or another locator and found the page by looking up my real name. However he did it is irrelevant at this point. As I said before, I am actually glad he found it and I hope he has benefited by reading how I feel. My lawyer said today that there should be no reason I have to appear in court for the final hearing as everything seems in order and the divorce is not being contested. She mentioned Gary's lawyer did not expect him to be present either. I gave a HUGE sigh of relief when I heard those statements! I have to be available by phone but I won't be nearly as nervous knowing I do not have to see Gary in the court room.
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