|
| LinkExchange Member | Free Home Pages at GeoCities |
Before I begin telling you my first secret, let me give you a little background information on me. I was diagnosed with asthma when I was 6 months old. Treatment of asthma today has come so far from when I was a child. With the monitors and inhalers available today you can do anything you want to. Nothing stops me today! Back in the '60's when I was born and into the '70's when my asthma was at its worse I was not so lucky though. My mother constantly worried about me! Some of my earliest memories are of her following me around after an attack saying "Let me hear you breath." "Are you still wheezing?" {grin} Even today she still worries about me! By the time I was 7 my asthma was pretty much under control. I actually did not have another attack until I was 12.
The attack at 12 was a pretty serious one and really zapped alot of my stength. I tell you this because I wonder if I had been stronger would I have been more capable of handling what happened next. I had a peditrician I really liked at the time of the attack. Unfortunately, he was on vacation the week of my attack so the hospital chose a pediatric asthma specialist to send me to. My parents and I had not heard of him but the hospital assured us he was a great doctor. 4 days after my attack my Mom took me to see him. He was very friendly and seemed to listen to my concerns over what the new medication I was on was doing to my system-it made me very jittery and shaky. After we had talked, he asked my Mom to wait in the waiting room while he examined me. There is only one other person with whom I have shared what I am about to reveal here and the only reason she knows is because she had a similar experience with the same doctor. He took me into a smaller room attached to the office where we had talked with my Mom. He asked me to lie down on the examining table in the room. I thought this was odd but I was 12 and I had been taught to respect my elders, he was at least 60 and besides, doctors know what they are doing right? He unzipped my jeans and untucked my t-shirt. He put on his stethoscope so I thought he was going to listen to me breathe. I was wrong. Instead he put both hands under my t-shirt and acted like he was going to use the stethoscope but he fondled my breasts (what I had in those days) instead. I was shocked and very frightened. I had no idea what to do. He was positioned in a way that limited the way I could move, I was pretty much trapped in one spot. When he stopped fondling my breasts I thought he was going to let me up. I was once again wrong. This time he took the stethoscope and opened my jeans he had unzipped. I was mortified as he "pretended" to listen and probe my pelvis. I started crying but I could not move. I was frozen, literally paralyzed with fear. I started holding my breathe, trying to fight back the tears. He noticed I was not breathing and stopped what he was doing. He let me sit up and it was then that he finally listened to my lungs and proclaimed they were all clear. He left me to get my clothes back into place while he wrote a perscription for new medication and called my Mom in to tell her I was getting better. By the time she saw me you could not tell I had been crying. I was so exhausted and weak to begin with that my eyes were red and swollen already. On the way home she kept saying how much she liked him and that maybe I should start seeing him instead of my regular doctor. I did not tell her what happened, I just said I did not want to switch. She was friends with a lady who's daughter also had asthma. Maren was 3 years younger than I was but we were pretty much developed the same at this point. She saw this same doctor shortly before or after I did. When her Mom asked her to switch she said no too. After talking to each other our Moms knew something was wrong but neither of us would tell. We did however, tell each other. She was luckier than I was, the doctor didn't touch her like he did me, he only made comments about how developed she was for a 9 year old.
Today it is illegal for a male physician to examine a female minor without an adult female being present. Back in 1979 no such law exsisted or if it did then I guess people were not as concerned about it as they are today. Children are taught from the time they are able to understand the difference between "good" touches and "bad" touches. I wish there had been programs when I was younger so I would have known it is best to tell when these things happen. 17 years is an awfully long time to hold a secret. Even today I have trouble seeing a male doctor. God forbid an older gentleman should try to hug me! I tense up stiff as a board.
LINKS FOR HELP WITH CHILD SEXUAL ABUSE
My case is nothing compared to what some kids go through.
If you are a victim of childhood sexual abuse or know someone who is,
these links may help you out!
Citizens For the Prevention of Childhood Sexual Abuse-the 1st page of this site defines sexual abuse and lists long term effects. It is my favorite link.
Child Sexual Abuse-directories and help for victims
Ghostwolf has an incredibly inspiring page. It is a MUST READ!!! No one should ever suffer what he has been through.
Kayjay is the author of an informative page about childhood sexual abuse of the disabled. She has excellent links to many organizations for survivors.
More to come
Return to my homepage!The Neanderthal in My Life
Wellesley graphics designed by Dagny
