Healing is an on Going Process

HEALING IS AN ON GOING PROCESS
"They say the wounds that don't show take the longest to heal..." from the movie GOLDDIGGERS
I am only just beginning to heal. Since beginning this quest I have made alot of progress. I know tougher times lay ahead for me. The few people I talk to on a daily basis I have asked to come here have been incredibly supportive. Still, the true test will be if I can get up enough courage to tell my parents, who are just beginning to explore the net, where this page is.
Healing, as with this page, is a never ending process. I feel I am making progress. I found the courage to tell my parents my online love is coming to visit me. They took it better than I thought. My Mom asked me to please not get myself into any situations SHE could not handle!
Also, I have had almost 2 weeks of "Yes" days where I have been happy with myself and have not thought of killing myself. Today was a not so good day, otherwise I have been doing better. I read an article on anorexia last week and though I do have many of the traits I do not think I am anorexic. I still weigh too much for people to start thinking that.

November 23, 1997

I want to apologize to any readers I may have left for my failure to post any updates in a few months. I am not sure what to say except I am sorry. I thought I was doing very well in my progress through depression and self loathing but I have had a few setbacks lately. Nothing really serious, just little things snowballing into big things. I like my job but I still wonder why they hired me and why they keep me on. I am making friends there, I have found I have common interests with a couple of people there which is great. I still have alot of self doubt concerning my job though. I am hoping to have a new page up I am going to call Office Politics soon. I have stated the page in my head quite a few times only to wonder if I really should post it. I do not think anyone I work with is aware of my page here but after the fiasco with Gary I am never sure anymore!
As for Pete and I...things could not get much better!!!! I know I said I would post photos and a great page about his visit back in August but I am almost afraid if I do the bubble will burst and things will go sour! Ridiculous I know since not a day goes by he does not tell me how much he loves me. The page exsists on notebook paper, now I just need to get it on the net! Pete is coming back in December for 10 days and if all continues to go well he will be moving where I am by June!!! I am so excited!

To be continued...

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The Memory of Trees by Enya