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Soul Searching on Midsummer's Night

Lately I have been questioning if I truly am healing. I still fear Gary even though he is not supposed to come near me and our only communication is through our lawyers.
I have a new job. I like it, but I am not sure if it is where I should be. The people I work for and with are very wealthy. I wonder sometimes if I fit in to their midst. I feel in a sense-not worthy of being with them. I know I am an intelligent person yet they make feel as though I have no brain. Don't get me wrong, everyone where I work (with 1 exception) is very nice. They never put me down. I am just very insecure when I am around them.

Also an additional update concerning my job. July was an "eye opening" month for me job wise. I was hired to work for the company I do thru a temp agency on a 3 month temp to hire basis. On July 15, 1 month sort of the 3 month time trial, I was hired permanently! I guess I am doing better than I thought I was. About a week later, while the one not so nice person was out of the office I learned something which greatly set my mind at ease about her, namely she has no authority over me or my job as far as management is concerned. A few days prior to this day, she was being her usual condescending self regarding some work I was doing. I explained why I was doing what I was doing and even pulled screens on the computer to show her my path of logic. I had not seen her go as silent as she did when she realized I was right and she was wrong! Over the next few days her attitude towards worsened, nothing I did was right, even if I followed her instructions to the letter. I just shrugged it off and kept thinking she will get over it and go back to just being annoying. Gina who works in the front office with me had just about had enough though. After one incident as I headed back to my desk Gina quietly said "What is her problem? She is being a total bitch to you! If she makes one more negative comment to you I am going to say something to her." I gave a small giggle and whispered to her about what had happened a few days before. She said she remembered and then put her head on her desk and to hide her laughter. Later that day when I returned from lunch I noticed Pam's car was gone from the lot. I walked in and said to Gina "So this a Pam free zone for a few minutes?" She laughed and relayed all of the places Pam had said we could find her at while she was at lunch adding "Like I want her to come back any sooner than neccessary!" I laughed and shook my head. The manager who had hired me came out of her office to see what we were laughing about and Gina relayed the mornings events. When she got to the part about why Pam was being so rude to me the manager turned to me and said "Good for you!" She then came over to my desk and said "In case you haven't noticed, I cannot stand Pam!" It was then I learned Pam has no authority over me and my job. I also learned why her desk is at the back of the office-the manger who hired me threatened to put in the parking lot if she was not moved as far away from her office as possible! At any rate I feel more secure about my job now and I know I am not alone in my dislike for Pam. I am beginning to come out of my shell a bit more since this day and I think I am being accepted by most everyone. I don't know if anything was ever said to Pam about her attitude towards me but she is being sugary sweet now! I am not sure which is worse-her being a total bitch or being so sweet I want to vomit!




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