Not only is she a little young, but you're sure that you used to date her mother
You find out her real name is Vinnie, and you used to play little league with her
She has a thicker moustache than you
When you go to pick her up, her lawyer meets you at the door with a contract describing your duties and restrictions
You jokingly ask her if she wants to go down to Atlantic City and get married. She then informs you that leaving the state is a violation of her parole
Her bra and panties are wired to an alarm system
You walk away from her front door with the roses you got her shoved up your ass
You are the first guy that she's gone out with that isn't her cousin
At the end of the night she gives you a coupon that is good for a free shot of penicillin at the nearest clinic
She beats the crap out of some guy for making fun of your hair cut
You wake up the next morning with a wicked hang-over. In the bed next to you is Janet Reno
At the end of the night, you drop her off at her house, and her pimp is waiting there with your bill
You wake up to find your loins covered with purple and green spots, with an intense itching in your left thigh
She keeps staring at you all through dinner, then finally asks if you want to meet Satan
She is better hung than you
She constantly complains that her cat won't stop laughing at her
She informs you that you can't go out again because her spirit guide doesn't like you
She informs you that you can't go out again because her boyfriend doesn't like you
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