Top 15 Signs You're Being Investigated by Kenneth Starr

from Jokemeister (Humor from the Edge)

15> Your new paper boy is 35, wears dark sunglasses, a black suit, an ear piece and carries a semi-automatic.

14> Your new friend Linda starts every conversation with "Testing... 1, 2, 3."

13> You're a highly paid White House intern and suddenly, out of the blue, somebody gives you a typing test.

12> You could swear you see Yassir Arafat following you. (Oops! That's a sign you're being investigated by *Ringo* Starr.)

11> Your dry cleaners just hired a dozen Secret Service agents and added a hi-tech stain analysis lab.

10> Your best friend from 2nd grade is granted immunity after rumors implicate you in the "paste-eating incident of 1968."

9> You haven't been subjected to this many embarrassing leaks since you had that little bladder problem.

8> All of a sudden that video you returned two days late becomes "Ace Ventura-Gate."

7> The DMV insists you pose for your driver's license picture nude from the waist down.

6> Jay Leno's making lame jokes about you and you're not an Iraqi dictator.

5> You don't mind your toddler asking for a "detailed account of your unscrupulous business practices" in lieu his usual bedtime story, but you feel downright silly talking into his rattler.

4> You're the only contributor who's getting topics like "Top 5 Signs I've Made Millions In Shady Land Deals."

3> Pupils in Lincoln's portrait dilate a bit when the French Ambassador's daughter asks you to pass the KY.

2> For a change, Diane Sawyer is camped out in front of your house, instead of vice versa.

1> Since when did Lucky Charms start including "Crunchy Microphones"?

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