'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the land
mothers and fathers were taking a stand
"We're tired of this jolly old soul named St. Nick
getting the credit for the presents we picked!
Each year we go out and work off our butts
to pay for these presents! We must have been nuts!
Well, we're mad as hell! We won't take it anymore!
The time has come Santa to settle the score!
Pack your red bag and get back on your sleigh!
Clean up that mess Rudolph left, by the way!
We hung these stockings and we trimmed this tree!v
We paid for these gifts with sweat, so you see,v
go back to your sleigh and your nasty reindeer!
Things will be different, starting this year!
Don't smoke that pipe in my house tonight
and clean up that soot or there'll be a fight!
The cookies are mine this time little guy!
So don't bother to eat them! Need I say why?
Your round little belly that shakes in the night
is filled with cholesterol and too much Bud Light!v
You don't fool me, you jolly old soul!v
So get it in gear and head back to the pole!"
We heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight,v
"Tell those snotty nosed brats, it has been no delight!
They pulled on my beard! They spit in my face!
They peed on my suit! It's been a disgrace!
I needed a break from this job anyway!v
The hours are rough, not to mention the pay!
So I think we=EDll head South, soak up some sun,
so tell all those brats, I'm finished! I'm done!"
As he jumped in his sleigh and headed out of sight,
we heard him tell Rudolph,
"TURN OFF THAT DAMN LIGHT!"
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