The Wisdom of Crow T. Robot from Mystery Science Theater 3000
(Thanks to M Sampo!)
"Am I qualified? Wow! That's a heavy burden. How can I make a difference? CAN I
make a difference?! Oh surely, I'm but a single bot, alone, as it were, in the
vast universe thing. Maybe I can change the world. Perhaps I've looked at life
from upside down. Hmmmm. Well, what would Joel do in a situation like this? No,
I've got to learn to think for myself, to stand on my own two foot-like
apendages. Seize the day. Yes. Think globally, act locally. Yes, by God, I can
do it! Why, I could start a letter-writing campaign! Yeah, that would help.
And, I could organize a bake sale. Or, hey! We could ALL help! Come on,
friends, run to your window and shout, "I'm really cheesed and I'm not gonna
hang around 'till this thing gets better!" Organize an improv group and do
guerilla theatre at the food court in your mall. Dress a little differently.
Make it more exciting for you and your spouse. Or--here's an idea: Toss a
little cajun spice into the party mix and watch the fun. Put on a one-man show
and talk about your true inner feelings in an emotionally-charged,
gut-wrenching, autobiographical account of your warped adolesence, and then
watch the grant money come in. But don't snap judge me. Put a drop of vanilla
behind each ear and you'll smell like a cookie all day! Eat an apple: nature's
toothbrush. Ask Mr. Owl how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie center.
Have you met everyone on your block? Now would be a nice time to start, doncha
think? In a classroom, slide your desks together and create an ecology symbol.
Police the lives of those around you and get your sensibilities way the heck
outta whack! Parade up and down the street in your underwear. Impose your ideas
on others! It's easy! Crush someone with an emotional word or an enigmatic
look. You decide. You do it! I'm sick of this! I can't make a decision! I'm no
good at this sort of thing! It's up to you. I'm passin' the buck to you. Oh,
the pain...the pain..."
