February 24th - 29th, 2008
It is only as the Lord gives utterance that I am permitted to speak. There are times when He speaks that He will not, then, permit me to share it with anyone. Or, there will be a "wait" - that the words are for not now, but later. And so it is to Him that I am always obedient, and He has asked me to share what He has recently shown me.
There are many who are suffering right now. Seriously suffering. Some feel it is the worst time they've ever experienced, and they are confused, surprised, hurt, even angry. "Why would the Lord allow such a thing?" or, "Why would the Lord allow such a thing NOW?" "Have I not gone through enough hardships?" "Have I not proved my love for You?" But beloved of God, who is to say what is enough? Are you perfect? Am I? He has never hidden the fact that His ways are not our ways - is it not pride and flesh and lack of humility to then question His ways? Why do we DESIRE ease? Cannot we find joy in the suffering? EMBRACE the suffering, knowing that He will never allow more than we can bear AND knowing that He loves us so very much?
He has said that the Book of Job was the book for 2008. Many said they would study it with me and yet not one person has asked about it since, or offered any hint that they are reading much less sitting at His feet to hear His in-depth insight into the truths. It is almost March now and I'm still on Chapter 1. Yet again (two days ago - February 26th) He had me concentrate on the verses involving satan going before His throne.
Job 1: 6-12
6 Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the LORD, and Satan came also among them.
7 And the LORD said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.
8 And the LORD said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?
9 Then Satan answered the LORD, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought?
10 Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land.
11 But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.
12 And the LORD said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the LORD.
Notice that it is the LORD who points out Job to satan. Job - whom God calls 'my servant' - of whom He proclaims, "there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil'. To which satan replies, "Ah - but does he serve you for nothing? ' Meaning, 'why wouldn't he serve you - you protect him on all sides. Who WOULDN'T serve you under such circumstances?' Leave it to satan to see evil where God sees good. He (satan) sees a man with ulterier motives, a man who doesn't love God just because He's God but a man who loves HIMSELF more, therefore seeming to love God, but instead for personal gain. But that IS satan - sarcastic, cynical, negative, suspicious, and when he speaks he reflects his OWN ego, selfish nature. satan accuses Job of serving God because it PAYS.
He reasons this way: Job is faithful to God because of the blessings he receives. He has it made - so he would be a fool not to be 'religious'. But if God should take AWAY the blessings, ie business, livelihood, family, home, money, friends, status in the community, then Job would no longer have any reason to serve God. And if Job is as satan presents most humans, then he intimates that Job probably feels that all these blessings are actually a result of the works of his OWN HANDS, and would then doubly curse God to His face for taking away these things.
The first thing the Lord then said to ME was, "DOES THIS NOT RESEMBLE SO MANY PEOPLE THAT YOU HAVE MET? Those pseudo-Christians who are about loving God for what He gives and when things are hunky-dory, but who bemoan and murmur when a problem arises?"
How many of us cry out, "HAVE I NOT BEEN FAITHFUL O LORD...WHY ME?"
Many say that Job is the book of the suffering saint. And it truly is - it is truly a book of the man favored of God, recognized by God, being allowed to suffer. But an even DEEPER motive of this book is "WHY DO YOU SERVE GOD? And just as important, as the Lord puts it, "WILL PEOPLE LOVE ME AND SERVE ME NO MATTER WHAT?" (1:52 P.M.)
When you delve into the "why men serve God" question, there are various responses (reflecting MANY people's reasons but certainly NOT ALL PEOPLE's REASONS)(also reflecting a continuation of satan's arguments for the shallowness of man):
1. Some serve Him out of fear - if they don't something bad will happen to them
2. Some serve God to cash in on the promises of peace, joy, material blessings, and earthly rewards of various kinds in this life.
3. Others serve God for pretty much the same rewards as in 2, though they think of them as coming "in the next life, as stars in their crown"
Interestingly this week there was a survey that said that 40 percent of all Christians are leaving their churches and looking for a new church. Our local news channel did an online survey and also asked for emails - the majority of people said, "They were tired of hearing about sin, they were looking for a place where they could feel good and live life like everyone else. There was another study about tithing. Folks believe that tithing 10 percent of your present income to God will 'prosper you beyond your wildest dreams'. But both of these examples show that it is more about what God can do for us than what we can do for God or for others. Not to mention the entire 'feel good' message where sin no longer counts for anything - which is another complete discussion in and of itself (and not what the Lord has asked of me at this time).
WE ARE TO LOVE AND SERVE GOD SIMPLY BECAUSE HE IS WORTHY...BECAUSE HE IS GOD. We must come to love Him for who He is, not what He gives us now or later. You may perhaps yawn and think this is an old message - and seriously I've only heard organized religion just start to preach 'seek His face, not His hand' in the last few years, so you can't be THAT bored with it - of course they take these truths and make them catch-phrases that sound great but still are not internalized and lived by. As relevant is, "IT IS NOT ABOUT US, NOR HAS IT EVER BEEN ABOUT US".
Which gets me to the other point the Lord has asked me to make for His glory (and as He is speaking I am typing).
The Lord NEVER allows me to share 'my' testimony - only with perhaps less than 5 people during my entire walk. He has me speak nothin of self - while allowing me to SHARE the glories and miraculous, nothing much of the struggles or trials.
He is permitting me to speak now -
Since the Lord had me speak just before worldly new year 2008, and since He has had me reading Job, my life has been turned upside down. The day He had me prophesy that He would come into our childrens' lives like a whirlwind and turn things upside down (December 30th, 2007) - MERE HOURS LATER my own son was ARRESTED. Literally taken in handcuffs, my having to bail him out (while borrowing the money from my brother), mug shot, everything. THE EXACT SAME DAY. And I praised Him for speaking truth - for choosing my child as an example, of pursuing my son NO MATTER WHAT. HE and HE ALONE had to get me through it. And I am permitted to say that in less than a month, the Lord had ALL THE CHARGES REMOVED AND ERASED. We did NOTHING. People kept giving us advice on what to say and how to say it, and we went prepared with testimonies and character references - and at the end of it we did NOTHING but stand there before the deputy prosecutor in humility and watched the charges be thrown out.
GOD IS FAITHFUL.
Was it easy? Of course not. I cried at first. Never expected this in a million years to happen to my son. But I also gave my child to God and said "Don't let him get away from you - do whatever it takes short of taking his life". And God is pursuing him. HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE LORD PERMITTING MY SON TO GET CAUGHT THEN LETTING HIM GO FREE? HIS WAYS AND NOT OURS...
And then the Lord began allowing me to get sick, to be in pain. To experience a list of infirmities - and for a minute I kept a daily list of the new thing that was added to my vessel daily. I did not know how to go on. It has been the roughest time of my life. But He has never allowed me to speak of it - one or two people have been permitted to know a little so that they could pray. Otherwise He demands of me to continue as if nothing is happening.
How am I able to do that. Only in Him and by Him and through Him. Back to re-reading yet again Chapter 1 of Job - and back to two days ago where I am seeing satan before God's throne and saying, "Ah but if you just let me at her I will show you..."
He then permitted demons to torment me. I cannot tell you how many times I've been battered. In one instance my chair was literally raised up on one side and I was tossed onto the floor. I have been tripped and tossed into a wall. I have been barely able to walk since January 15th. I will not give the devil glory in glorying in the things he has done to my physical body. HOW DO YOU EXPLAIN THE LORD ALLOWING ONE OF HIS HANDMAIDENS WHO COMMUNICATES WITH HIM MOMENT BY MOMENT, SUBMITTING TO HIS RIGHTEOUS JUDGMENTS MOMENT BY MOMENT, TO BE 'PICKED ON' BY DEMONS? HIS WAYS AND NOT OURS...
Struggling to get through each day, seeking God through worship, through prayer, through weeping, through resting. And at 2:32 PM on the 26th, He and I were having a conversation and this is what He had me write:
"You are making it clear. The sufferings WITHOUT grumbling or complaining - NO MATTER WHAT. When we live surrendered (by no act of self) there MUST STILL BE TESTING, REFINING, DYING. We are never "too high" in Him - we never "arrive" (which is not my heart to think I do not deserve to suffer - on the contrary - I find it an honor). We must always ask ourselves WHY DO I SERVE YOU...WILL I SERVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT. Speaking aloud "DO YOU THINK YOU WILL MAKE ME STOP LOVING MY LORD BY THROWING ME ON THE FLOOR? DO YOU THINK I WILL RENOUNCE MY LOVE FOR HIM? I had saints telling me they were upset and angry; another person could not believe that the enemy could get anywhere NEAR ME (for she has been physically in "my" presence and has experienced the fire and power of God on me personally). But two days ago it finally clicked - it all made sense. Job. Job. Job. The chosen of God MUST SUFFER. NOT FOR NOTHING - but for God's purposes. It MAKES SENSE. This is the first season I've been alone since becoming a Christian - with both children now out of the house. It was the WORST WINTER - with me in a house and having to cope with snow snow and more snow in this body that is awaiting His healing manifestation. Worst winter ever. Worst pain ever. Worst moments with both of my children ever. WHAT HAVE 'THE WORST' things revealed about me? My character? My death to self? Have I complained? Yes, I have uttered complaints. I have even cursed a time or two. DYING TO SELF. Even less MONEY and going HUNGRY for the first time EVER in Him. Trials. Lessons. Killing. >[? It has been amazing. It has been revealing. It has been humbling. It has driven me even nearer to Him.
And then He had me watch "The Nun's Story" - it was on PBS two days in a row a couple of weeks ago. He had me take notes. It was stunning. It is what I needed. He then allowed me to order the book and the movie, both of which have arrived and He is permitting me to study in depth. NOT the rituals of being a nun, but the self-sacrifice involved. Obedience - humility - death to self - disappearance of self.
Reminding me yet again that NOTHING HAPPENS THAT GOD DOESN'T ALLOW. ALL THINGS WORKING TOGETHER FOR MY GOOD. And GOING THROUGH IT SILENTLY WITH JOY AND AWARENESS THAT HE IS RIGHT THERE - as when He positioned that woman in the restaurant to pray for my knee this past weekend when I didn't know how I would keep going on. (WHAT A MIRACLE TRULY THAT WAS - my daughter and her boyfriend NEVER ASK ME TO GO OUT TO EAT WITH THEM!!! THEY picked the restaurant - and the Lord has His servant THERE, WAITING!) He even had me purchase a toy potter's wheel at the beginning of the year (but which He has yet to allow me to open yet)...symbolic of molding, shaping. THIS IS THE YEAR OF BEING REFINED, PERFECTED.
NO MATTER HOW FAR WE'VE BEEN BROUGHT IN HIM - THERE IS ALWAYS MORE.
And so I cried out that day (two days ago), "CRUSH "ME" Lord" as I repented for murmuring and uttering one or two swear words. I cried out "VICTORY IS OURS TOGETHER, YOU AND I LORD" - I decreed it, I proclaimed it.
And I felt everything tilt - balance - shift. The Lord assured me it wasn't anything I'd done or 'deserved' - meaning I wasn't being punished or judged. I was just being crushed some more.
That very night we had a blizzard of sorts - heavy system snow. The next morning I woke up and my driveway and sidewalk had been cleared by my neighbor with his snowblower - he hadn't done it since that first time in December.
It is almost as if everything around me stopped except for the 'bad' things that were happening. And until I received revelation as to 'why' then things were out of place. Once I sought Him and wouldn't let go, once I stopped letting the 'bad' things have any relevance or importance, things shifted. I did not DWELL ON THEM, I just let them hinder me somewhat instead of pushing through the pain and laughing and rejoicing EVERY MOMENT THROUGH IT.
We will always be attacked.
We will never be forsaken.
He has NEVER left me nor forsaken me.
And so the question He is asking me to pose to you is, "WHY ARE YOU SERVING HIM? WILL YOU SERVE HIM NO MATTER WHAT? Will you grumble and moan and post blog after blog complaining about all of your hardships? Will you continue on silently dealing with all that the Lord chooses to allow, knowing that He's got you."
OR DOES THE DEVIL HAVE YOU PEGGED? WERE THOSE WORDS HE USED TO ACCUSE JOB BEFORE GOD'S THRONE WORDS THAT REALLY DEFINE YOUR LIFE AND WALK? IF GOD PERMITS THE DEVIL TO MAKE IT ROUGH - IF YOU LOSE OR SUFFER IN THE AREAS OF YOUR BUSINESS, LIVELIHOOD, FAMILY, HOME, MONEY, FRIENDS, HEALTH, FINANCES, STATUS - WILL YOU STILL SERVE GOD GLADLY? OR WILL YOU CRUMBLE AND WALK AWAY, BLAME GOD, AND FIND FAULT WITH HIS PERFECT WILL AND PLANS?
Make an effort to study the crucified life...the surrendered life. This IS the hour to make up your mind - to find out if you are really His. WHY you are His.
There, in the book "The Nun's Story", He showed me the following words as a 'hum' of awareness of walking as His handmaiden overwhelmed me...in these words He reaffirmed by belief and KNOWING that there would happen to me only that which He would permit to happen...whatever that might be, it would be for His glory and for my own good:
"Save thy handmaiden O Lord for in Thee is her hope. Let her be good and humble. Let her be exalted by obedience. Let her be bound to peace. Let her be constant in prayer. Lastly, O Lord, we beg Thee to receive graciously her offerings."
via His Messenger
February 24th - February 29th, 2008
5:07 A.M - 2:41 A.M.
