The Militant Pollyanna
The Buddha says that all misery comes from attatchment and change. If we could let go of our attatchments and allow change we would find peace. The teachings of the Buddha comforts me. Here again, I am inmeshed in change, and being forced to lose some of my attatchments. I feel as if I'm being torn up.
I used to have the Happy Hippie Hillbilly outlook at all times. You know,
"You Create Your Own Reality~Build a Masterpiece of Your Life."
We live in a beautiful part of Arkansas, in the mountains between Fort Smith and Fayetteville. My husband convinced me to move out of the city and out into nature. We bought 10 acres of land with a small functional house on it. 30 minutes away from town down winding country roads and 2 miles of dirt road, we were pioneers of sorts. The area we moved into was only sparsely dotted with houses and security lights. There were many times that I would be the only car on the road for miles. But that was 10 years ago.
I was 29 when we moved out here. I felt so old at the time, but now I look back and see me as young. I had serious misgivings to moving out in the woods, but over time I began to change. As I spent my days raising my 18 month old son, I spent more time outside than I ever did when I lived in town. As I raised my eyes and looked around I saw trees everywhere surrounding me, reaching out their arms to me.
Upon reaching 30, I started to seriously investigate spiritual matters. The enlightenments I have had I am sure were nurtured by my environment. Nature was easily accessable to me.
On several occasions when I would be emotionally distraught, I would run out among the towering pine trees and feel their comforting stability enfuse me, calming my hysteria.
The full moons as they shone down on me through tree branches bathed me in calm and peace.
On sunny May afternoons, the air cool and clean, the shine of new leaves all around me, I started getting in the habit of disrobing outdoors,loving the freedom from human eyes as my skin drank in pure sunshine, my ears filled with gentle birdsong, my nose breathing in new life.
All this is to be lost to me now.
Because of the actions of a person in power over my husband's job, a chain of events has dragged us through some difficult changes, and one of them is the necessity of moving away from my beloved home in the mountians. I must say farewell to my trees. The only way I can possibly deal with this is to re-create myself and let this person who is drowning in sorrow fade. I need to re-group and, remembering The Buddha's words, I need to let go and allow the changes. A new me will emerge. It's evolution if you keep the thought that life is a learning excersize, not heaven.
Attatchment and Change.
I know that I will learn to love where ever I live, as long as my child and husband are with me. Enough crying about it. Every lesson before has made me stronger, and so will this.
This is how I cope: