A Small Selection of My Writings

Telephone

electric umbilical cord
binding mother to child,
child to mother
strangling lover and lover
in tightly wrapped angst;
beings feeding strangely
on mutual tension,
obstructive nourishment.
electron symbiosis, at once
reviving and destroying
autonomy, or sanity
strained at each end
to absorb each other's lifeblood
of love through bitter pain,
confusion shared--
cherished and despised--
through impassible cords.
virtual sustenance, still
no fusion siring relief

-Oct. 9, 1997

"Uncle Peter"

Funny old man,
with your antiquated
bright red bow-tie
and dapper gray suit,
whose pants crept up your legs
just the slightest bit
My heart sighed that night
because I knew
you didn't recognize me,
though, surprisingly,
you still remembered Mom
But whoever I was
you knew you loved me
and all the other people there
who loved you also
And no pain or confusion
could erase
the smile plastered to your face--
sincere joy
and absolute, unconditional love,
such as is rarely seen
these days
Though you no longer really knew
the steps,
you loved the music, too,
and danced to beat the band
with any girl who asked,
including me
You stepped on my toes
and I on yours,
but your grin was contagious
and I
have never had such fun
As tired as you were,
you lasted to the end,
beaming all the way,
childlike in your wonder
And though I do not know you well,
I learned much from you
that day
I pray that if I reach
as many years as you
I will know such joy
and have such love of life;
I pray that as I age,
I do it gracefully
as you

-April 28, 1998

What I Would Tell You (If I Knew How)

I hand myself to you,
Freely, in pieces,
But I think you are afraid of who I may be
Believing that you know an apparition who is me
And you speak, guardedly, in allusions
To Demons and Pain

Tormented conscience, refusing comfort,
Confession, or unburdening
Wrap your angst instead in a silent cocoon,
Do not talk to me of suffering,
For I am alien to you
How could I comprehend?

Liberate your soul through self-mutilation
With needles and ink to scar your flesh
Create a new symbolic you--
Trade a sterile, corporate logo
For an intimate, artistic one

And I wonder, honestly,
What the difference is between your needles
And my imaginary razorblades--
Both of us trying to emancipate long-concealed regrets,
Vainly seeking healing for the never-quite-closed wounds,
Threatening self-torture, a momentary mask for mental agony

But somehow--I don't know why--
You fear my anguish more,
Though no less real,
No more powerful
Than yours

And I, not knowing if you're strong enough to face it,
Retreat inside myself,
Create my own mute sanctuary,
Share only superficial flashes,
Silhouettes
Of my despair
And manic joy

No, my fearful alter ego,
I shall not talk to you of suffering,
For you are alien to me
And surely could not comprehend

-March 9, 1998

Midnight Snack

Two purple silk flowers on a green checkered placemat,
An image registered briefly from my peripheral view
As I watch myself in the kitchen window,
An ugly yellow headband the sole splash of color
On an otherwise somber reflection
Munching on a re-warmed bagel
And glancing occasionally at the clock
Thinking how late it is and how I should hurry to bed
Wondering what you're doing now
How your day went
What there is to know about you today
And if I'll ever find it out
And if it matters that I forgot to mention in my email
That today I have the sniffles;
Wondering what it means
That I wanted so badly to call you earlier tonight,
To hear your voice,
But watched some pointless movie instead,
Where beautiful Shannen Doherty
Had all the right answers and all the right moves
And everything (of course) worked out for her just right.
I finish gnawing on the crusty bagel,
Toss the paper plate,
And wander off to bed
To think about countless other pointless things
And about you
Until tomorrow comes

-April 22, 1997

What Do You Call Half A Pair?

This morning,
Waiting for the #6,
I saw half a pair of
Glasses (wire-rimmed and tortoise-shells,
Like mine) lying on the subway track
And I imagined some harried
Commuter, wedging himself between
The closing (and reclosing) doors
Of the train, grasping in vain after
That mischievous pair
As they leapt from pocket, purse, or
Half-closed bag, to their certain death
Below;

Or perhaps she was jostled roughly
By the madding crowd
Just as she crossed The Great Divide,
From platform to train, or vice-versa.
And those impish trouble-makers,
Always slipping down her nose at
Just the wrong times,
Crept one last time off her face
And flung themselves, with careless
Abandon, under the wheel to their
Punishment--separation for
Life.

Maybe a ragged bum,
Collecting useless worldly treasures,
Will smile in glee
At such a find--
The single perfect other half, an
Ideal fix for failing eyes, if you
Wear the monocle perched (just so) on
One ear, and squint
With a carefully practiced squint
(Just so) with the opposite
Eye.

Perhaps the other lens has eloped,
Freed at last from the weight
Of its twin, and set off
On a perilous journey
To explore what there is to see of the world
From the underside of the local
F.

-January 5, 1999

Love Song

Fading notes
Of a song you sent to me
Wring some kind of melancholy from my soul
Beautiful but sad, like my jumbled thoughts of
You, far away and still so close

As the stirring chords retire,
I close my eyes and ache for you
And in my daydreams bittersweet,
I hold you tightly in my arms,
Sway to a lovers' slow dance,
Croon a lovers' soft hymn,
And weep because you love me...
And because I love you.

-Jan. 6, 1998

When I Was Young

When I was young
I believed
That love could conquer anything
That moms knew all the answers
And daddies could protect you
That marriages lasted till death did part
And that children all were loved and fed
That friends would always stay your friends
And enemies were hard to make
That TV shows were true-to-life
And good guys won and bad guys lost
That everyone was created equal
And everyone respected this
That politicians were honest men
And courts protected the innocent
That someday I'd find the perfect man
And have a house in the countryside
That you always got what you deserved
And authority was infallible
That all Americans loved the flag
And loved their country even more
That everyone knew that God was good
And everyone knew that drugs were bad
When I was young
I believed
If you loved someone they wouldn't hurt you
And, in turn, you wouldn't hurt them
That people always encouraged others
To be the best that they could be
That different cultures could co-exist
And tolerance was the way of the world
That grandmothers baked and knitted scarves
And grandfathers caught the tastiest fish
That digging in snow was something fun
Instead of a chore that had to be done
That everyone loved animals
And bugs were things for kids to catch
That tooth fairies delivered quarters
And the Easter Bunny delivered eggs
That Santa brought all the children toys
And Christmas was always a happy time
That stars and moons were mysterious
Not just bodies of gas and rock
That life was fair, and no matter what
Adults could cope with anything
That life was magic and magic was real
And my view of the world would never change
When I was young
I believed

-Dec. 3, 1996

Things That Make Me Think of You

Summer flowers with frantic bees
No one to bless me when I sneeze
Drinking a glass of apple juice
News of an Algerian truce
Trying to reach and being too short
Brochure from a ski resort
Driving past a camera store
Hearing a sleeping kitten snore
Email that makes me laugh aloud
A familiar face I glimpse in a crowd
Stubborn lids on salsa jars
Gazing at a field of stars
Things that make me stop and think
Going out with friends for drinks
Red-gold colors on autumn trees
Briny smell of an ocean breeze
Phrases that you often use
Brutal hate crimes in the news
Stray long eyelash in my sheets
Deli sale on pickled beets
Sound of a ringing telephone
Mint chocolate chip ice cream in a cone
Lovers locked in the other's gaze
Lazing around on Saturdays
A quoted line from "The Princess Bride"
Word that Mother Theresa died
Going to bed all by myself
Okra on a grocery shelf
Olympic T-shirts from your state
Stories involving a twist of fate
Waiting for a light to change
Silhouette of a mountain range
Airplanes passing overhead
Moving passages I have read
Curling up to watch a show
Love song on the radio
Pumpkins at a roadside stand
Couples walking hand-in-hand
Huge moon hovering in the sky
Calendar, days crawling by
Avoiding turning up the heat
Homeless beggar on the street
Lovely homes with "For Sale" signs
Dark chocolate and good red wines
Lights across the Hudson Bay
Watching little kids at play
Native American casino ads
Platform shoes and other fads
Beautiful days for nice, long walks
Soul-searching philosophical talks
Unique design of a wedding ring
In short, my love...everything.

-Oct. 8, 1997

Ode to Ibuprofen

You are the one constant in my life
When all else fails,
You are there for me
The pain is too agonizing
And no one else notices
I swallow you
And am made whole again
A storm rages inside me
And bitter venom seeps through my mind
Eating away at my hope and love
One dose of you
And I am again almost at peace with the world
The tears come in unstemmable torrents
You touch me somewhere deep within
And the floods abate
I am inflamed
Constricted by the vagaries of age
Or wounded by the recklessness of youth
I surround you with my swollenness
And lovingly you soothe my achings
A madman screams and claws anguishedly
To be set free from inside my womb
And you, you alone
Can calm his wild pulsings
And end the unbearable suffering
Little pale one
So essential to my sanity
Thank you for all that you are
Thank you for being

-June 30, 1997

To Cyberlovers

Electron promises mean nothing
You can offer me the stars
But, in the end,
I'll hold the lifeless plug between my hands
And watch the stars fade quickly
Into a plastic wall socket
I don't believe
Electric lies,
For nothing real will ever be defined
In mere terms of
ON or OFF.

-November 30, 1998