Things You Learn By Having Children
- Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke.....lots of it.
- A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even
though a forty-year old man says that can only be done
in the movies.
- If you spray furniture polish on dust bunnies and run over
them with roller blades, they can ignite.
- A four-year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a
crowded restaurant.
- If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not
strong enough to rotate a 42 pound boy wearing a superman cape.
- It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four
walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
- Baseballs make marks on ceilings.
- When using the ceiling fan as a bat you have to throw the
ball up a few times before you get a hit.
- A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
- The glass in windows, even double pane, does not stop a
baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
- A magnifying glass can start a fire even on an overcast day.
- If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball
cleats, it does not leak.....it explodes.
- A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2,000
square foot house four inches deep.
- Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four-year
old.
- Duplo blocks will not.
- "PlayDough" and "microwave" should never be used in the same
sentence.
- Superglue is forever.
- McGuyver can teach us many things we don't want to know.
- Ditto Tarzan.
- No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool, you
still can't walk on water.
- Pool filters don't like Jello.
- VCR's do not eject peanut butter and jelly sandwiches even
though TV commercials show they do.
- Garbage bags do not make good parachutes. Neither do
embroidered bedsheets.
- Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.
- Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
- Plastic toys do not like ovens.
- Always look in the dryer before using it. A four-year old
can break an arm in a rotating dryer.
- The fire department in our city has a response time of at
least five minutes.
- The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make
earthworms dizzy.
- It will, however, make cats dizzy.
- Cats throw up two times their body weight when dizzy.
- Quiet does not necessarily mean there is nothing wrong.
