One Liners

• Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic.



• Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.



• Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.



• Stupidity got us into this mess....why can't it get us out?



• Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.



• Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.



• Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.



• An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.



• There is always death and taxes; however death doesn't get worse every year.



• People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.



• It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.



• I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.



• Anything free is worth what you pay for it.



• Indecision is the key to flexibility.



• It hurts to be on the cutting edge.



• If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.



• I don't get even, I get odder.



• In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.



• I always wanted to be a procrastinator.....never got around to it.



• Dijon vu.....the same mustard as before.



• I am a nutritional overachiever.



• My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.



• I am having an out of money experience.



• I plan on living forever. So far, so good.



• I am in shape. Round is a shape.



• A day without sunshine is like night.



• I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.



• If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have in-laws.



• Life is an endless struggle full of frustrations and challenges, but eventually you find a hair stylist you like.



• You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.



• One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can make a woman gain five pounds.



• It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.



• The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.



• Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.



• Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.



• Age doesn't always bring wisdom....sometimes age comes alone.



• Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show.



• You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stopped laughing.