Windows 98 Southern Edition



"Dear Consumers:

It has come to Microsoft Corporation's attention that a few copies of the WINDOWS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION may have inadvertently been shipped outside the South. If you have one of these, you may need some help understanding the commands. The southern edition may be recognized by the unique opening screen. It reads WINDERS '98 with a background art of Gen. Robert E. Lee superimposed on a Confederate flag.

It is shipped with a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver.

Please also note:
  1. The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse"


  2. My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption"


  3. Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys"


  4. Control Panel is known as "The Dashboard"


  5. Hard Drive is referred to as "4 Wheel Drive"


  6. Floppies are "Them little ol' plastic disc thangs"


  7. Instead of an error message, a garbage bag and roll of duct tape pops up.


    8. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN SOUTHERN EDITION

    OK: ats aw-right

    Cancel: pee on it

    Reset: try er agin

    Yes: yep

    No: nope

    Find: look fer it

    Go to: over yonder

    Back: back yonder

    Help: hep me out here

    Stop: kwitit

    Start: crank er up

    Settings: sittins

    Programs: stuff at duz stuff

    Documents: stuff I done did

    Also note that SOUTHERN EDITION does not recognize capital letters or punctuation marks.

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    PROGRAMS EXCLUSIVE TO WINDERS '98

    tiperiter: A word processing program

    colorin book: a graphics program

    cyferin muhsheen: calculator

    outhouse paper: notepad

    juke-box: CD player

    iner-net: Microsoft Explorer 5.0

    pitchers: A graphics viewer

    irs: MS accounting software

    irs2: MS accounting software with hidden files tax records: Generally an empty file.

    You'll also recognize WINDERS 98 SOUTHERN EDITION as it comes preloaded with certain "Favorites" for browsing the Worldwide Web:

    Fish: Bass Anglers Sportsman Society

    NRA: National Rifle Association

    Shotgun: Remington Arms home page

    Rifle: Winchester home page

    Pistol: Smith & Wesson home page

    Truck: Ford dealers by zip code

    House: Mobile home repair services and movers by zip code

    Cuzzins: Complete database of southern residents

    PBR: List of Pabst Blue Ribbon distributors by zip code

    Racin: NASCAR racing schedule w/TV stations carrying races

    Car 'n Truck Repair: Junk yards by zip code

    Doc: Veterinarians by zip code

    We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you received a copy of the SOUTHERN EDITION. You may return it to Microsoft for a replacement version. I hope this helps all of y'all.

    Billy Bob Gates

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