One of the hardest things for any gay person is coming out to their family, friends and co-workers and here I'd like to share my experiences from coming out and maybe even a few words of wisdom. First of all let me say that for me coming out is an ongoing process, as I meet knew people I time and time again tell someone for the first time that I am a lesbian. Luckily when I do it now I feel none of the fear or worry that I felt in the past. I was and am very lucky to have very understanding parents and an understanding stister. I came out first to my sister when I was 13 the same night she came out to me. I only said that I felt the same way she did about girls but that's all it took. My sister came out to my parents a few months and they took it all in stride. I came out to my parents about a year after my sister did. I just sat them down one evening and just told them I was gay. They didn't freak, didn't cry or even gasp in fact they were very supportive. My parents weren't exactly surprised my dad would tell me a few years later, he said he figured I was gay since I never mentioned boys and only talked about girls just like my sister. My parents allowed me to bring my girlfriends home from the day I told them and even allowed them to stay overnight, which made things much easier on me and my girlfriends. We never had to worry about having somewhere to go, there was always my house.
After coming out to my parents I decided to come out to my friends. First I just took my best friends one by one and told them. Not a single one reacted badly and many said they had either figured out or suspected I was gay. One of my friends took to calling me the "one armed bandit lesbian" which I always got a kick out of hearing. Coming out to the rest of my friends wasn't hard as my confidence was boosted from the good luck I had with my best friends. Instead of going one by one I just would two or three at a time. I finally got some stunned reactions but no one ran away or said they wouldn't talk to me again and I did keep the same friends all through the rest of high school. Except for a few new friends I didn't come out much until I got to college. I had never tried to hide being a lesbian and in college I was very open about it. I told my roomate on our first day at college I was gay and then as I got to know people I would tell them as situations required. I only got a few mildly bad reactions but at a school of 45,000 students new people aren't hard to meet and I never let the bad reactions get to me. Through my four years of college I had maybe six bad reactions and I told probably five or six hundred people I was gay.
After college the next hurdle was work, I knew many gays who didn't want to come out at their jobs for fear of repercussions but I had never hidden myself from anyone so to me it just seemed like the right thing to do. Not to mention I couldn't understand why someone would put up with the juggling act of not being out at work and being out in their private life. To me things like being seen with my girlfriend by a coworker and making up lies as to why we were together seemed really silly. At work I just made friends and as I got to know them better and an appropriate situation arose I would come out. Sometimes it was just to one person other times to three or four. I only got to really bad responses but I took it all in stride and working at a good sized firm I knew that I didn't have to see anyone I didn't want to. The biggest surprise was my boss at the time, one day while I was putting a picture of my sister on my desk he walked up and asked if she was my girlfriend. I just sort of looked at him and said that no it's my sister and he smiled back and said I didn't have to make stuff up about her being my sister. I smiled a bit and reached into my backpack and pulled out a picture of my girlfriend handed it to my boss and told him that that's my girlfriend. My boss blushed a bit and then smiled, he apologized for thinking my sister was my girlfriend and I told him it was no big deal. I found out about a month later that he had caught a glimpse of me out shopping with my girlfriend and had seen us kiss. He didn't get a good look at my girlfriend so he assumed my picture of my sister was my girlfriend. This was without a doubt a the weirdest situation in which I have ever come out. And one of the most memorable.
I've come out several time since then and I'm sure I'll keep coming out the rest of my life. To me coming out isn't just something you do one day it's something you do over and over as you see the need. I don't tell people right away I'm gay but wait til it becomes relevant, sometimes this happens two days after meeting someone and other times two months. I don't feel I have to tell everyone right away I'm gay because it's just a part of who I am and like lots of other things only effects a certain part of my life. I don't see a need to put being gay at the top of the list of things to tell people about me simply because it isn't the most important. If I have any words of wisdom it's this, no matter how scared you may be coming out or how badly it turns out remember that there are always lots of people who will understand and some who may not even be surprised when you come out to them. I admit to being blessed with great parents, a great sister and great friends but no matter how bless or unblessed you may think you are there's always someone who will understand and not run away.
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