My Life

I was born on June 17, 1972 in Chicago Illinois. I don't know much else about my birth since my birth mother put me up for adoption when I was born. I was adopted by my parents when I was 1 week old. I have an older sister, Margaret, who is also adopted. My parents raised us as their own and told us early on we were adopted. I knew something was going on since I thought it was strange I looked nothing like my sister and all my friends looked at least a little bit like their sisters. My sister and I both had great childhoods, our parents treated us like two little princesses. We were happy and our parents tried their hardest to keep us happy. I started kindergarten like most kids when I was 5, then went to first grade the next year. A year later when I was 7 I started taking dance lessons which I only had to say I wanted to take for about a week before my parents were driving me off.

The next summer shortly after I turned 8 I was as happy as a little girl could be, dance lessons, looking forward to third grade and spending the summer playing with my friends. The one day when I was out riding my bicycle as I did everyday when it wasn't raining I was riding along the curb when a car came along and hit me. I can't remember exactly how it happened, all I know is what I've heard. Somehow I got pushed off my bike and my arm was mangled between my bike and the car. All I remember is riding my bike along the curb and then a blur until I woke up in the hospital after having my left arm amputated just above the elbow. At first I didn't grasp what had happened mainly to the pain medication I was, but when I was taken off it I realized that my arm was gone and it was never going to be back. At first I sort of just shed a few tears, it wasn't until I tried to reach for a glass of apple juice that what happened to me and it's implications hit me. I just started sobbing and cried for the rest of the day. My parents tried to calm me down but I just kept crying and talking about not being able to play with my friends or go to dance classes.

After a couple weeks in the hospital I was allowed to go home. Except for my arm I hadn't been seriously hurt except for some cuts and bruises. When I got home my arm was still heavily bandaged so I had no idea what was under the bandages. The first few days when I was at home I just sat on my bed and cried. I'd stop and start playing with my toys but then I'd try to do something that took two hands and I start crying again. My parents comforted me as best they could and tried to help me by figuring out how I could play with my toys one handed. Then about a week and a half after I got home from hospital I was sitting in front of my dollhouse looking at all the rooms inside and the little doll furniture. I started playing with a couple of my dolls and why I'll never know but instead of taking one in my hand and moving it then taking the other one and moving it I just spread my fingers apart and held both of them at once and moved them. I didn't think much of it until I let go of the dolls and put my hand on the little sofa in the room they were in. Then all of a sudden it hit me, I could still play with all my dolls and other toys just like before I was just going to have to figure out different ways of moving them around.

Once I discovered I could still play with all my toys I spent almost all the time I had trying to figure out ways of playing with them. And when I couldn't think of a way to do things faster I just did them slowly with one hand, it didn't bother me any longer that I was doing some things slower. I remember spending days moving the furniture in my doll house all around and thinking that no matter what I was going to be ok. About a week after my discovery my parents got a phone call from my dance teacher, she said I was welcome back and that when I felt up to it I could just start going to lessons again. I was so happy when I heard the news that I wanted to go back right away but I had to wait a while for my arm to heal. I only had to wait four weeks but they were among the longest four weeks I can remember, everyday thinking about going back to dance lessons. My friends started coming to visit and they after a few minutes of talking about what happened we just sat down and started playing like we used to.

When a few more weeks had gone by I had the bandages taken off my arm and I got to see my stump for the first time. My parents worried about what would happen when I saw it for the first time but I just looked at and moved it around and touched the skin around the scar at the end. A week later I went to be fitted with my first artificial arm. Since I was so young and growing a lot the prosthetist just took some measurements and put together prefab parts for kids arms. Then when he put it together he put it on me while my rehab worker looked on. Then when I had it on the rehab worker started teaching me how to use my new arm. It was tricky at first since to work the arm I had to twist and turn my shoulders. At first when I'd tried to bend my elbow I'd bend it a little and then the hook at the end of the arm would open. By the end of the first day I learned to slowly bend the elbow and then open the hook. When I got home I just spent my time practicing using my new arm by playing with my toys.

School was fast approaching and even though I still wasn't very good with my arm I wanted to wear it to school on the first day. My friends who came over and to play were getting used to my artificial arm. At first they were fascinated by my arm and I showed them over and over how it worked. My friends loved watching me use my arm and I loved showing them how it worked. On the first day of third grade I wasn't worried about what people would think since my closest friends had spent time with me and couldn't wait to be back in school with me. The other kids were surprised to see me show up for school with an artificial arm. Most asked what happened and asked about my arm and I spent a large portion of my first week telling people what happened and about how my arm worked. I was a bit uneasy the first couple days but once I realized people weren't making fun of me or avoiding me I started feeling my old outgoing self again. That week I also went to my first dance lesson since the accident and when I saw my teacher smiling and happy to have me back I was as happy as I had ever been to be at dance classes.

Things returned to their normal routine of going to school, going to dance lessons and playing with my friends. I got better at using my arm and after a while could use it without any thought. The months went by and I became adjusted and slowly the thought that I had once had two real arms and then had to struggle to adapt to having just one disappeared from my mind. In the spring came my favorite part of dance classes, the spring recital. I was a good dancer and my teacher always put me up towards the front but this time she had me right in the front and center. It would be years before I knew the real reason she had moved me up. I thought that I was just good enough to be put up front and center and was happy with all the attention I got at recitals. The summer soon came and I spent it like any other girl looking forward to being in fourth grade would, playing outside with my friends, going on vacation with my parents and just having a fun summer.

School started in the fall and I was happy to be back. Things were back to how they were and except for the new kids at school and the new teacher no one much noticed any more that I had an artificial arm. That winter I got a new arm having outgrown the first one and I'd keep outgrowing arms until I was in high school. The years went by and I got my new arms then when I was 11 I got my new arm and since I was a fairly active kid I also got my first arm adjusted so I could wear it when I played outside. When I got it home I took some paints I had and painted my arm all different sorts of colors and patters. The arm ended up looking like a jumble of colors all mixing together and I couldn't have liked it more. I even wore the arm to school once in a while and it always caused a stir when I came to class with my multi-color arm.

The years and grades went by and I was as happy as any girl could be growing up. I kept growing and slowly started becoming a young woman. I started doing all the things that young teen girls do, going to the mall with my friends, talking on the phone for hours and listening to my favorite music for hours. The only thing different between me and my friends was I wasn't always talking about what boy I liked or didn't like. At first I thought maybe it would take a while for me to become attracted to boys but it wasn't happening. Then in the middle of eighth grade I found myself just head over heels for a girl in my class. I didn't think it was at all weird that I was attracted to a girl and that while my friends had crushes on boys I had a crush on a girl. All I thought was that it was just the way I am and I forgot about thinking that it would take me a while to like boys, I knew then that it would never happen. I knew then from an early age that I was attracted to girls, it wasn't until the summer after I graduated from eighth grade that I'd find the word that stated what I was, a lesbian.

I never tried to hide the fact that I was attracted to girls even in eighth grade when I got my first crush. I told my closest friends and they accepted it even though a couple thought it was a bit strange at first. In high school I never pretended to be anything other than I was and didn't try to pretend to be straight, I knew what I was and wasn't going to pretend to be otherwise. During my sophomore year when I was 15 I got my first girlfriend. I had been attracted to her ever since I first saw her and then one day we started talking and became friends. It was about two months later that she told me how she felt about girls and I told her I felt the same way. It seemed only logical to us that we would date and so we began dating and went on dating for 7 months. We never really broke up so much as decided we were good friends and wanted to see what other girls were like. The whole time we were dating we never tried to hide that we were dating but it still slipped passed a lot of people. We would hold hands walking from school and were very open in our affection for each other. Neither one ever got harassed and except for a few people no one made fun of us.

The following year when I was 16 I happened to meet my old dance teacher. I had stopped going when I was 13 but she said she had never forgotten about me. We spent a few hours talking and this is when I found out why she had put me front and center in dance recitals after I lost my arm. She said that a few parents had complained about my being in the dance recitals and she decided that if they didn't want to see me then she'd give them no choice but to look at me. So she moved me up front and center. I had never known nor even suspected that something like this had happened. I wondered about what people had really thought in grade school about me and found out after getting in touch with an old teacher that there had been several parents that didn't want me to be at school. Also there were a couple teachers who thought I should be at a different school. I was a bit shocked when I heard all this but I knew that it was in the past and getting upset over it wasn't going to change things.

The next year went by and I graduated from high school, then I went on to college where I majored in computer science. I had loved computers ever since I got my first one when I was 11 and couldn't think of anything else to major in. I found it to be an easy major and didn't experience the problems a lot of others did. I loved being at college away from home and the freedom it brought. What I loved most was going out with friends and dating. I was seen as somewhat of a role model by my lesbian friends since I had never tried to hide how I was and thus had always been out. Many couldn't imagine having gone to high school and openly dated a girl. I found it a bit odd to be looked up at that way but after a while I became used to it and started helping my lesbian friends to come out. I also started to become involved with a few disability groups largely because I just wanted to help people especially fellow students.

I graduated from college after four years and got my own apartment in my hometown of Chicago. I got a job as a computer systems administrator, a job title I still have although at a different company. I've spent the four years since I graduated mainly being with friends, making new friends, dating and being involved with a few groups for disabled women. As for the future I have no idea what it will bring, I'll keep on being the way that I am and having fun. I have a life that I wouldn't trade for anything and a group of friends that I feel truly privileged to have.

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