Intellectual Autobiography
written approximately 1992/93
If intellect is defined as one's ability to reason, to dream, and to reflect upon questions of immense human importance, then I must consider myself as an intellectual, as intimidating as it might sound to those who do not know me well. I do not consider myself a person of action, but as a person of thoughts and dreams. Though I have ideas and opinions that I wish to share with others around me, I find it easiest to express myself upon paper rather than to speak publicly.
In the excerpt from Richard Rodriquez's Hunger of Memory in Casts of Thought, he says, "It is education that has altered my life . . . I write this autobiography as the history of my schooling." And though many others might also say that their intellect was shaped by their education, I cannot. I believe that my intellect was shaped by my environtment; the people around me and the things I've seen in my life have had far greater an impact on the way I think than the education I have received thus far. Still, as a writer, I use my education as a tool so that I might share my thoughts, reasoning, and most important of all, my dreams, with my readers.
Since I first learned to read, much of my free time has been spent in the company of books, and the things I have read have much to do with the way I think. One of the most influential books I have read was the autobiography of Joni Eareckson, who as a young adult broke her neck in a diving accident. As a result, she was paralyzed from the shoulders down. She recovered enough from the accident to be able to use a specialized wheelchair to get around in, but she still had to rely on others to take care of her personal needs. Before the accident, she loved to draw, and having lost use of her hands she believed that she would no longer be able to do so. But after months of painstaking practice, she learned to write and then to sketch using a pencil held between her teeth. The diving accident occured in 1967, and to date Ms. Eareckson has written three or four books, and continues to create inspirational cards and watercolor paintings. Reading her story inspired me in two ways. First, it made me see beyond the physical limitations of others and myself, and showed me that just because one's body is different, that does not mean the mind is unable to function. It also helped to make me a person who is thankful for what she has, instead of one who bemoans what she has not.
Another person who inspired me to see and think beyond physical limitations or differences is the brilliant British theoretical physicist, Stephen Hawking. Since 1971, he has made astonishing leaps in the theories of black holes and other celestial bodies, despite the onset of [amyotrophic lateral sclerosis (ALS)], which has forced him into a wheelchair, and now necessitates the use of a special computer to speak for him. Though he cannot physically speak for himself, he uses this computer to give lectures across the country. I had the privilege of listening to one of his lectures on public radio, and though I understand very little of quantum mechanics, his far-scoping mind and quick sense of humor were two things that impelled me to do some writing of my own. For I saw that even though his physical body is trapped in a wheelchair, his mind allows him to travel in infinite directions. His ability, despite disability, to both inform and entertain people is something I hope to one day emulate.
There has also been a major historical event, in this past year, which has greatly increased my awareness of people's attitudes. Thanks to a rather conservative education at a private Christian school, I once thought that prejudice and racism were things of the past, that we no longer had to deal with today. Last spring's Los Angeles riots showed me otherwise. Fear and prejudice claimed more than fifty lives, and caused billions of dollars in property damage to our neighborhood[s]. As I sat and watched the horror into the early morning hours, I realized just how real these factors of hate and fear are in our life.
There is a reason why these individuals and events have inspired me. I see myself as a normal twenty-one year old, with what I consider to be a respectable amount of intelligence and a decent education, but many people I have encountered in my life do not see me in this same light. This is because I also have severe scoliosis -- a curvature of the spine -- and Eisenmenger Syndrome, a heart and lung defect.
Both of these are congenital problems -- things that I have lived with since birth -- and they have had a great influence on the way others see me. They are purely physical limitations and have no bearing on my intelligence, but because I am physically disabled, many people assume that I am mentally impaired as well.
Strangers -- cashiers at stores, salespeople and librarians -- sometimes speak very slowly to me, that I might better comprehend what they are saying, or they ignore me altogether. Cardiologists and orthopedic specialists I have been to speak to my parents as if I am a child, unable to comprehend them, or as if I am not even in the room. The truh is that while strangers are taking the time to enunciate their words, my mind is already long past what they are saying, and I have the change in hand to pay the bill, or have already made my decisions. Salespeople I have encountered have lost respectable commissions for ignoring my presence in their domain. The doctors -- who I would think because they know my medical history, would have a greater opinion of my intelligence -- do not seem to realize that I have more medical knowledge through personal experience and school studies than my parents ever will.
These automatic assumptions of my mental abilities used to infurate me. I thought, perhaps, that I was being ignored because they didn't care, or because they thought I was a child. It wasn't until I compared the experiences of these two people [who have influenced me] with my own personal experiences that I realized it was ignorance and nothing else that caused these reactions. Ignorance can be cured through information, and all I have to do is speak up and tell these people that I am indeed an intelligent individual, who should not be ignored because of their initial impression of me.
In his inaugural address, President Clinton spoke to my generation, challenging us "to a season of service -- to act on your idealism by helping troubled children, keeping company with those in need, reconnecting our torn communities. There is so much to be done -- enough, indeed, for millions of others . . . to give of themselves in service, too." I plan to use my writing to be one of these millions, and to help accomplish some of these goals, most of all opening people's eyes to prejudice.
It is not just prejudice against race, sex or religion that we have to fight against. THese may be the most prevalent, but there is also prejudice against limited physical ability, age, social standing and sexual preference. Thanks to the insights of other people's writings and speeches, I have realized not only that you cannot judge a book by its cover, but you also cannot judge a person's soul by their outward appearance. I hope that I can pass this insight on to our next generation, as our President has asked us to do.
In the dedicatory preface of Vindication of the Rights of Women, Mary Wollstonecraft pled to M. Talleyrand-Perigord not to deny "one-half of the human race" the right to a decent education based solely on their sex. In the same vein, through my writing, I want to ask my readers not to deny others a fair chance based on some physical difference. No two people are exactly alike -- even identical twins have different fingerprints -- and people should not be afraid of others simply because of some difference between them. I hope that I can one day open the eyes of people's hearts and let them see individuals for who they are in their minds and souls instead of judging them by how they appear outwardly
