Tuesday, August 4, 1998: St. Paul, Minnesota
3:14 PM
Yeah, I'm back, I think. I'll work on getting older entries put online later, as I have yet to get my Zip drive connected, installed, et cetera, and while just a few minutes ago I was in a bright and cheerful mood, I'm suddenly feeling depressed.
Yes, there is a reason for it, it's not just the general blahs, or a PMS rollercoaster (though at the moment I have no idea what time of the month my body thinks it is). I've been working on downloading all my geocities mail (all 1300+ messages) and doing a little bit of web surfing, researching Eisenmenger Syndrome. I did this a while back and it was just as depressing, but I guess there's just a part of me that wants to know what I'm in for.
Eisenmenger's isn't one of those syndromes where some persistant parent can hunt down the answers... it damages the heart and lungs, and once the damage is done, there's no undoing it except for a transplant. According to the information I just read at the Mayo Clinic, only 50 or so transplants are done each year in the U.S. and even so, because of my severe scoliosis, I'm not a candidate for that anyway.
Basically, from the various things I've read, the only thing that can be done for people with my condition is to try to keep the circulatory and respiratory systems in balance. When Jev and I get settled somewhere, we'll have to find a good cardiology center to take care of me when things start going downhill.
Okay, I had to tinker with Eudora again, and now my main account isn't answering, but at least Eudora's not locking up after it finishes checking mail. Ho hum... a distraction anyway, and I'm feeling a little better, since my friend who manages the ICQ webring just popped up a message asking me to check out some of her code. I was reading a little more at one of the resource sites for Congenital Heart Disease (of which Eisenmenger's is one) and while it wasn't exactly stuff to make me get up and dance, it's nice to know there are other people out there who have been through similar stuff.
I guess I'm going to perform a little cut and paste magic here and see about getting this entry online. I still have to fiddle with Delina's computer to get my Zip drive installed and all that, but Jev was asking me this morning if I'd try to get some sort of update online. He'll be leaving work soon, so I'd like to put it up.
Type to you later...
11:46PM
*sigh* I don't know what's wrong... Here I thought I'd enjoy being here by myself during the day while the girls were all gone, but... it just doesn't feel right. The fact that I didn't get to talk to Jev probably has something to do with it. So does the fact that I spent more time tearing appart my attempt at a novel than getting it back together, and then the rather fruitless time researching Eisenmenger's (which was supposed to be research for the novel), and trying to get Delina's computer sorted out.
I just want to go home. If Jev weren't coming this weekend, it would be easy to pack up and go right now. That is, assuming I could get to the bus station.
I'm lonely... Deanna had her homework to do when she got home from school, and I wound up getting hungry a couple hours before she ate, so I spent the evening more or less alone, watching a bit of television and messing around on the computer. I guess I could look and see if I have any books besides Snow White, Rose Red to read, but I don't think I do, and if I get into the suitcase, I'd probably wind up getting into the chocolate, which I certainly don't need.
Sorry for whining, I guess the long and the short of it is, I miss Jevim. I'll shut up now and go to sleep.
