Poems and Personalities

January 8, 1998

I spent much of the day lurking online, hoping Jevim would show up at any time, but he didn't; at least, not during daylight hours. When he finally got online after 7:30 my time, he said he'd had to stay off the line in case the pharmacy tried to call about an expensive migraine prescription for his sister. If they ever called, Jevim never said.

He was in an awful mood because his sister had convinced their parents to let her have the line for part of the time Jevim was wanting it. Part of me is glad I wasn't there this evening, though Jevim was left feeling very unwanted and uncared for by his family when all was said and done. Of course if I'd been there, the phone/net problem would most likely have been non-existant, but that's beside the point.

Jevim finally calmed down; whether because I was trying to help, or he just wore out his anger, I'm not sure. He apologized for letting it all out "in front of me" though not at me, and said he really didn't deserve me. I wouldn't have any of that, and he said he knew he wasn't going to lose me, and that he wouldn't let me go, and we got off onto other topics.

He mentioned taking my surname when we marry again -- an idea he's tossed around before -- or that we could both take on a new last name, Westhaven, which is my character Lisana's surname in the stories she exists in.

Actually, that idea rather appeals to me... I feel I hardly belong to the family whose name I have anymore. Yes, maybe my dad's new wife is partially to blame, but for crying out loud, can't he send a Christmas card and let me know he's alive? The one sister I do keep in touch with has shared her husband's name for more than a decade, and -- if I were the typical girl -- I'd lose my last name anyway when I marry Jevim. It's a possibility... I think we both need a fresh start, away from our parents.

I did ask Jevim if he'd take the Keirsey test... He scored as INTJ -- Introverted, iNtuitive, Thinking and Judging, which marks him as a rationalist, and a "mastermind." Why does mastermind make one think of a criminal? 'The mastermind behind the jewel heist' is the sort of phrase that comes to mind, at least for me. For Jevim, though, the negative connotations do not apply.

I had a strong suspicion that we were similar in some of the four areas of the Keirsey. I'm an INFJ, feeling to his thinking, and I think it's probably a good representation of him as a person. At any rate, we seem to be very compatible, and I think that's what matters most.

We both know what it's like to have a rough childhood, as far as the taunts and ridicule, and we both understand about the scars and hypersensitivity they leave behind. That helps us manage when something happens to irritate one of those damaged places, or bring up a bad memory. Time heals all wounds... and much love applied never hurts.

It's quite late -- or early, depending on your perspective -- Jevim and I talked on the phone for just a few minutes about an hour ago now, and I would be asleep already, but I remembered I had not yet written an entry for today, and I felt guilty.

A poem began to to come together in my head instead, and since I didn't want to lose it (I never remember these things in the morning if I don't write them down), I turned on the light and hunted for glasses, pen and notepad, and here is the result:

Goodnight...

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