The culprit for my crankiness and general moodiness and melancholy showed up yesterday; before I went to bed, fortunately. It's annoying, but it's a fact of life, and actually, after spending time with Jev, it's always a bit of a relief when the next one comes around. Not that we aren't careful, but there's always the one in a million chance. Knowing my body, it would probably happen, simply because it's the last thing I need to deal with.
Ideally, I could have myself surgically sterilized, and that would probably be the safest route; but any surgery is a risk, not to mention being subjected to more doctors and hospitals and the like. Not something I particularly want to do.
The other option that would probably be in my best interest would be for Jev to have the surgery. But I really don't want him to have to go through that, especially since I think he would make a wonderful father. I don't imagine that I will outlive him by any means, and I want him to be able to make that choice later, should it come up, without having to go through another surgery, that may or may not reverse the first.
I'll be honest... this isn't really a subject we've talked about all that much. I'm pretty sure if I asked him, or said that one or the other of us really should have it done, he would want to be the one... he's very protective of me and concerned about my health. That's one reason I haven't brought it up. The other is that I know he doesn't like thinking about the possibility that we might not have all that long together. I don't like thinking about it either, but it's a fact that's always rattling around in the back of my mind.
I wish we could live 'happily ever after,' but even if my health were perfect, there's always the chance that something unexpected may happen, and cut a life, or lives, short.
Yes, I know some of you are probably thinking that if Jev and I both believe in Christ and ask his forgiveness for our sins, eternal life awaits us. But Jev doesn't believe, and what would eternal life be like without him?
There's always the possibility that one day he will change his mind, but for now he's still not comfortable with the idea of Christianity, and I don't want to push him into anything he doesn't want to pursue. It doesn't change my love for him; and besides, with the way so many people claiming to be Christisans act, it's sometimes hard for me to be proud of what I am. Rather like right now, with all the Clinton - Lewinsky hullaballoo going on, it's sometimes hard to say 'I'm proud to be an American.' Why is it always the negativitiy that gets all the attention?
I think the media has really skewed the way we perceive life: We hear about bad things happening all the time on the news, while how often do we see positive stories? So-and-So slept with whats-his-name's wife, and now he can't understand why his own wife won't take him back. Think about it... what are 90% of today's talk shows about? "I Slept With The Babysitter" ... or "My Wife Got Married to My Sister" (sorry Garth...) How often do they break into screaming matches, with every other word bleeped? Now... how often do you see 'good samaritan' stories, or volunteers being shown appreciation for their gifts of time and effort? And these are just a few examples. It's pretty depressing at times...
Maybe what someone needs to do is come up with a "Good News" show... no murders, no hate-mongering or mud-slinging; no name-calling or ridicule... Just people being nice to other people, lending a hand even when they hadn't been asked, donating their time, or their talent, or their knowledge... Doesn't quite sound like a Neilsen smash, does it? Would take a really great newscaster to pull it off.
Some of you may have noticed that I've set up a forum for my site. Has anyone done anything nice for you, lately? Maybe you were just stuck in traffic, trying to change lanes, and someone let you in, with a smile and a wave. How did it make you feel? Or maybe you've done something for someone else, and you'd like to share it. Not to toot your own horn, but just to say "Yes, I've done that" and share how it feels to be the one doing the random act of kindness.
I know this is just a small little pond, but maybe your story can inspire someone else. If there's much response to this, maybe I'll devote a section of my site to Random Acts of Senseless Kindness. Who knows... little ripples can spread a long way.
Take care... -- Lis
