My life was recently turned upsidedown because of the sudden death of my dad. I wanted to share my life experiences with others in the hopes that I can comfort those who can relate. This isn't easy for me but, I feel as though it's sort of therapy for me to be able to open up.

When I was 2 yrs. old my real father left my mom and I which I think was the best thing in the world for us both. I'm my fathers only biological child my mom wasn't able to have anymore children after I was born. He was very abusive to me and her and, it's hard to tell where we'd be at today if he hadn't left. He remarried when I was 7 and has a whole new family I don't exsist in his eyes. That hurt for years until I realized I had a Daddy who loved me more than anything and that blood doesn't matter. My mom met my dad when I was 8 no we didn't get along at first at all. It took a few years for us to be able to bond to each other but, we eventually did and it was such a strong bond that I finally realized what it was like to have a "REAL" dad. When I turned 18 my biological father decided to sign all parental rights away from me so that he wouldn't be responsible for the back child support. Yes they can do that and, I'm hoping to change that soon. I looked at my dad and, he could tell the hurt in my eyes and, all he said to me is "I'll never leave you, I'll always be your dad." He had no legal bond to me but, he loved me and, would always be there for me.

When I found out I was pregnant with my son my dad was so elated he was going to be a grandfather. He was already a grandfather of 4 from his children whom which he loved with all of his heart but, he was equally as excited when I was going to give him a grandson that him and my mom could share. I had alot of trouble getting Logan here and, my parents along with my wonderful husband was the best support ever. I ended up having an emergency c-section which my husband was holding my hand during the surgery and my mom and dad were in the waiting room. My husband carried our 9lb. 4 1/2 oz. healthy boy to the nursery and, my dad looked at him and cried. From that day those 2 were inseparable where you'd see dad you'd see Logan right with him.

When my son was 6 months old my dads son Bryan my only brother died of an anurisum. He had made plans to come and visit us the weekend of his illness. My brother lived through the surgery and, my dad flew to N.J. to be with him. My dad took pictures of Logan to show my brother and, my brother smiled and, said "I can't wait to meet him". Unfortunatley my brother's brain began to swell and, we lost him. He never got to meet my son or hold him in his arms. this was extremly devastating to my dad and, I didn't know what I was going to do without him either. My dad's courage allowed him to donate my brothers organs and, he saved 4 peoples lives and, allowed 2 other to see. this allowed me to view life differently I now know my brother lives in other people

This is my brother a few months before he passed away!

My son I think sort of filled the void in my dads life when Bryan passed away. Their bond became stronger. He taught my son many things he taught him how to pray and was teaching him how to golf. Dad was the best babysitter in the world I never worried when my son was with him.

We moved to N.C. when my son was 9 months old so it was hard for us to spend as much time with my parents as I wanted to. So I decided that my parents would get my son for a week every summer so that they could enjoy his little soul like I got to everyday. Dad would read to him, play cars with him and, he would even let Logan watch Disney movies while his shows were on. Anything that Logan wanted to do dad went right along with.

We came home for a visit on July 13th. They kept Logan while I went to the cyberQ (look in following paragraphs). My mom decided to ride home with Logan and, I on July 23rd. dad didn't feel like coming along with us so he said he would just stay home and, see us later. I called dad to tell him we arrived safetly and, my last words to him were "I Love You Dad". We received a phone call at my home at 4:30 pm that my dad had passed away. I ran around my house screaming and then I collapsed on the floor screaming some more. No matter how far or how hard you run you can't escape the pain. My heart crumbled to a million pieces and, the pain still hasn't stopped. I drove all night long trying to get back home to WV a 5 hour drive turned into an 8 hour drive. When we finally arrived we found out what happened to him. Dad took his best friend (of 30 yrs.) to a doctors appointment. After the appointment they stopped to get something to eat dad had just finished his sandwich took a drink of water looked up at his friend and, said "Oh My" and, dad was gone. He had a massive heart attack fast and painless which eases my heart

I think it was God's blessing that my mom and, I were together because if she hadn't been with me she would have gone to the appointment with him who knows what could have happened to her if she had went.

We had services for dad and, I have to express this to anyone going through a loss, they asked if I would like sometime alone with him. I had 20 mins. alone with my dad just talking and, crying but, it allowed me to realize that his soul had moved on. It was the best thing for me to have done.

My heart is still breaking and, I still cry quite abit but, I'm dealing the best I know how. My son doesn't quite understand and, it's so hard to explain it to him but, we'll get through it. I've had alot of support from my family and, my cyber family. I've stayed with my mom since this happened but, I'll go home soon. My husband has been wonderful and supportive through it all. We go day by day knowing that he didn't suffer and, that he knew we loved him.

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