9/3/97

I've been reading Reviving Ophelia: Saving the Selves of Adolescent Girls. Whether you're a parent or not, a teenager or adult, this book is a must-read for all women. Reading it makes me think back on the women's studies course I took as an undergraduate. Becoming aware of women's issues certainly makes us stronger, but can also make us more angry and sad at how women in our society are treated (not that that's a reason to not be aware of women's issues).

The author Mary Pipher argues that many preadolescent girls lose their assertiveness, optimism, and wide range of interests (some of which may be considered "tomboyish") as they come into adolescence. I think that was true for me. I always stood up for myself when I was young. When I was around 10, my neighbor threw rocks at me, hitting my glasses. I told him if he didn't stop I was going to punch him. He did it again, and I gave him a bloody lip -- not that I'm advocating violence here. :) I remember other incidents of standing up for myself, but that one is the most memorable. But as I was a teenager in high school and college, I lost that assertiveness and felt depressed most of the time.

Pipher argues that adolescence starts earlier and lasts longer than it used to, and I agree. Looking back on my college years, I can see evidence of that, although I wouldn't have wanted to admit that at the time: when you're in college, you don't want to think of yourself as a teenager, or at least I didn't. I thought I was so mature in college, and when I look back on some of the things I did, mature is the last word I'd think of to describe them.

I don't want to sound too harsh on myself though or other teens or 20ish women. In high school, I underwent a traumatic experience which I buried as much as I could. In college, this caused me a lot of pain as I came to terms with my experiences. Unfortnately, a lot of women have had to deal with similar painful experiences too.

Now as a mid-twentysomething, I feel like I've regained my assertiveness. Now I'll stand up for myself instead of letting people use me or walk all over me. I've tried to view the painful times that I've had as helping me become stronger. But, as Louie Anderson said of his childhood (and as I think of my teenage and early 20s), "I don't want to be a better person for it. I don't want to be stronger for it. I'd rather have had a good childhood!"*

*(Roughly what he said during an episode of "Politically Incorrect.")

9/6/97

I had lunch with my friend yesterday. We went to a deli downtown. We attemped to eat outside, but the bees wouldn't leave us alone. So I had my veggie burger and juice inside. (That makes me seem like a much more balanced eater than I am. I'm really quite picky.) The deli was decorated with framed broadsides from the 19th or early 20th century, and soul music filled the room along with the rush of people. We talked mostly about my job hunt and her upcoming move. I can't believe she'll be gone in less than a month. :(

The Johnny Cash CD has long quit playing. I was just on the web, lookin' here and there, so enthralled I didn't even stop to put another CD in. Or perhaps I'm too lazy. I think that's it.

Right now I can hear the hum of the refrigerator, the rumble of the air conditioner, and crickets outside my window. For all those sounds, it still seems quiet. Quietness I can take during the day, but not at night (until I go to bed, that is, then I can't stand noise). So, in goes the Saturday Night Fever soundtrack. I haven't listened to this one in a while... I grew up during the disco years but never got into it then. Although I did like the Disney disco album that was out then (not Disco Duck, although I liked that song too). My aunt had given my family her stereo and record collection, so I mainly listened to the Beatles (early years--she didn't have any of their psychedelic stuff) and those classical compilations like 100 Favorite Melodies. She had a little case of 45s that I would play in my room on my Sears portable record player that I got one Christmas. Of those, I remember listening to novelty songs like "Splish Splash" and "Big Bad John" while stretched out on the lime green carpet in my bedroom.

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