Why I Stay

by Sr. Fran

I think the hardest part of religious life is celibacy. So, you might ask, why then would I voluntarily choose to be celibate when I can serve God and God's people alongside a loving partner? Actually, I am not sure I have all the answers but I do have some.

At 38, I'm probably a bit more sensitive to the fact that I'm nearing the end of my "safe" child bearing years. There's somewhat of a feeling of emptiness that accompanies that realization. I have no doubt about my ability to be a wonderful, fun and loving partner/wife/mother. And there are many days and nights when I long to be the chosen one who is loved exclusively and unconditionally by another warm human being.

But I'm still here... can't say "been there, done that" but have given a great deal of thought and prayer to the choice I have made for religious life. So, why do I stay? In religious life, what is just as attractive as a lover, a home, a couple of kids and maybe a dog? Well, I can't claim to have the market on God... God is available to everyone and I'm certain there are many women and men inside and outside of religious life who are holier and more prayerful than I. I know God is with me and inside or outside of religious life I would continue to work on my prayer life and my realtionship with and understanding of God. So, God doesn't keep me here.

And I don't stay because of the great salary, although I do love my job. I'm one of those lucky people who found a great place, Marywood University, to use my energy and talent while furthering the mission of the IHM Sisters. There's a lot of life there for me. But still, I don't have to be a sister to work at Marywood. This good job doesn't keep me in religious life.

And sometimes I wonder if the security of this lifestyle is the reason I stay... kind of like a subconscious motivation that pushes me from one day to the next. I've got a great convent to live in. We have comfortable beds, a TV, plenty of food and just about everything else a typical middle income homeowner would have. I receive a modest but sufficient amount of money each month with which to by clothes, shoes, personal stuff and a pizza every once in awhile. The congregation provides health insurance, the use of a car and (hopefully) a retirement home in which I will live in about 50 years. What a life!

But you know what? All this means nothing if I do not have a loving community with which to share it, to build it and to give it away to others.

Community. That's why I stay. I've only been in this community for four years and am just beginning to build life-giving, loving friendships with my sisters. I am one of 688 sisters of whom I only really know a few. And perhaps it will be those few who will nurture and love me into fullness, to bring out the best of me, to affirm and offer me their unconditional love.

There's a tremendous energy evident when we sisters gather... to pray, to discuss, to party. I love being a part of and a contributor to this energy. It's energy which is God-centered, which has vision and passion and which radiates from inside each of us. When that energy is combined with mission, with purpose... great things happen and the potential for new life is ever present.

So, why do I stay? I stay because I deeply believe in the goodness of the women with whom I share life. God is ever working in and through us by our relationships. I have willingly chosen celibacy but my life is far from loveless. Religious life is a great life... for those looking for another way to love.