July 27, 1998
Lisa,
Gods, is it sweltering here!! Got up to 100° yesterday, and going to be that way today. We don't have air conditioning here. They say it doesn't get hot enough here for it to be economically viable. Hmmm, how hot does it have to get?? Sheesh!! Anyways, because I'm so hot, I'm having problems remembering what it is I wanted to write to you about.

We went and visited Girl's gravesite this weekend. The forest was cool and beautiful, I know she loves it there. I ate blackberries until I was bursting!! LOL!! Nothing like blackberries straight from the vine, and warm from the sun! Wish Satan wasn't working, I wouldn't mind a dip in the pool right about now! He's going to nights come Saturday. He usually doesn't work on Saturdays, but a guy asked him to cover for him, so, he'll be working that night. I'm rather nervous about it. He was working nights during The Incident. But, as everyone keeps telling me, and I know this, if it's gonna happen again, it doesn't matter when he works. I'm still nervous about it!

I'm worried about the ferrets because of the heat. I keep putting a frozen water bottle in the cage with them, because they can't sweat, they can't even pant. They lick their noses to keep cool. Can you imagine that?? Wearing a fur coat, in sweltering temperatures, and you can only lick your nose to keep cool. Man! Anyways, that's what the books say to do, but, they never go near the darn thing, I sure hope they understand what it's for! I sure don't want to lose another one of my fuzzies!

I guess there's really nothing else going on here. Supposed to be hot again tomorrow, though not 100's. We'll be back in the low to mid 80's by the end of the week. Thank the gods for that!! =) Almost makes me wish I was back in the South, at least there they have a/c in every house and apt!! Anyways, talk to ya soon!

July 21, 1998
Lisa,
Well, I'm a little late getting with you this week. Been busy, actually, can you imagine that?? My mom and I have been working on a newsletter for the local Elks Emblem Club, of which my mother is a part of. Since I have a printer, and the better computer between the two of us, I was recruited to help her! Not that I mind though, it's really been a lot of fun.

The weekend was really nice. We went to the pool on Friday, for about an hour. Then on Saturday, we went to the Troutdale Summer Festival. That was okay. We walked around, looked at stuff, watched some kids on a stage doing little dance routines. We found a nice area right next to a stream that we want to go back to with the camera. Was nice to get out of the house and do things, for once! I'm planning on doing something this week as well, if the weather cooperates. It's awfully hot today and going to be tomorrow as well, so, we'll have to see how it's going to work out.

But, all in all, things went pretty well last week. Rather mellow, calm, comfortable. I'm feeling happy and content, and it works for me! LOL!! Talk to ya again soon!

July 12, 1998
Lisa,
Well, this week has been rather interesting, to say the least! First of all, my father was supposed to come to visit this past Tuesday. All was prepared, we were ready and waiting. Wednesday morning, I get an email saying they're not coming, and gee, sorry we forgot to call you! Sheesh! I'll tell ya Lees, I was so angry! And it wasn't that I bought extra food to make sure I could feed them, or that I am always extremely nervous when he comes to visit, or that the visit had been planned for over a month that angered me. What made me so mad was that he couldn't CALL me to let me know he wasn't going to make it. I mean, I understand that things come up, which necessitates having to cancel prearranged plans. Shoot, I've had to cancel plans myself for those kinds of reasons. But not calling to let the other person know? That's just irresponsible and rude. So anyways, that was a bummer.

Then, some good stuff. A friend of mine from high school, who I lost touch with last year, wrote me a letter and I got it on Friday. Immediately I called her and left a message on her machine and she called back and oh, did we talk and talk!! And then, Satan did a search and found an old friend of his, and they talked and talked! That was absolutely fantastic! Two old friends in one day! And then, to top it all off, some more old friends gave us a call yesterday! This weekend was definitely "old home week" here! It was so nice to hear from all these people that Satan and I have known for so long! Really warmed my heart anyways!

But, as they say, good things come in threes, and I guess that was our three, for this morning I had to get another bit of bad news. For me anyways. Last Sunday, I applied to become a Community Leader, like you. But, I was REJECTED. I suppose it was probably because, since I had to teach myself HTML, I am not an expert with it. And I guess there's only room for experts as Community Leaders. They said, in the form letter, I could reapply again in two months. Hmmm, somehow, I don't think I'll be doing that. I worked really hard on my answers to their test. And somehow, I just don't want to have to go through that again. So, there it is. I'm not good enough to be a Community Leader. It figures, I suppose. I'm not really good at anything, but I was (and WAS is the operative word here) pretty proud of my HTML skills. After all, I did teach myself, with very little help from anyone. Oh well. Guess I'll have to find some other way to fill my time, other than trying to help people.

You know, it's funny. Even though I had such a nice weekend, what with all these old friends who called me, I can't shake the bad stuff. My dad blowing me off, being rejected for CL, it has really gotten me down. I feel like such a fool. One, for expecting more from my father, and two, for actually thinking I would be accepted as a CL. What was I thinking, in both cases?? I mean, good grief, I oughta KNOW better!

So, there it is, the week in review, so to speak, and my feelings on it. You know what else is funny? No one but you is ever gonna see this anyways. I mean, who cares? Nobody, that's who, and I can't say as I blame them either. I better quit now, before I depress myself anymore than I already have! See ya soon Lees!

July 2, 1998
Lisa,
Well, we won't be getting the house. Rather disappointed about that. Oh well, there's a reason why things happen, so, I guess it's for the good we didn't.

The most horrible thing happened yesterday. A man and a woman jumped from the Steel Bridge here in Portland and hanged themselves. Double suicide at 3pm. They were only in their twenties. I heard about it on the radio yesterday, and, I was just shocked. I mentioned it to some people, and they were just like, how could they do that? They just couldn't understand. Well, I can. I know what it's like to feel as if there's nothing left. When the pain in your soul is so bad, you think you just can't deal with it anymore. When your heart aches every day, all day, and it seems that there just isn't anyway to make it stop. I know that suffering well. So, I can understand, somewhat, how they could do that. I don't know all the details as to WHY they felt the way they did, but I think that regardless of the reasons, the pain is the same. For some of us, that hurt and anguish that happens when you're a teenager never really goes away. I know I've told you to keep your chin up, that it does get better when your hormones calm down. I only tell you this because I assume that for most people, that's how it works. It never happened for me. And I suspect, it didn't for that couple either. I suggest, to all those people who shake their heads and condemn anyone for committing suicide, thinking they were "taking the easy way out", remember those feelings you had when YOU were a teenager, and how you would feel if, perhaps, those feelings never went away. I tell ya Lisa, alot of what keeps me going is knowing that I'm only 28 years old, that I still have so many years left in my life, and this can't possibly be all there is to it. The gods have been known to play cruel jokes on people, but I don't think that this is one of them. At least, I fervently hope not!! Talk to ya again soon Lees!