September Journal Archives
September 28, 1998
Lisa,
I find it interesting how someone's life can be changed irrevocably in only a few seconds, with just a few words. I never realized what a tenuous hold I had on my world. I had been living in a bubble, it seems, thinking that nothing could touch me, nothing could get in and hurt me or my life. How silly, how stupid, of me.
I still can't believe this is happening to me. The kids don't know anything yet. I think we'll probably tell them when he gets a new job, and we're preparing to move. To start our new lives, alone.
I tell ya, Lisa, I'm so scared. I've never been out in the world alone. I'm afraid that I won't be able to make it on my own. That I'll end up living on the street, because I won't be able to afford to live in an apartment. That's what happens to those of us who were dumb and didn't go to college. We end up in homeless shelters, afraid, alone, dying from the cold. People who live in homeless shelters can't have their kids come to visit them on holidays, or go to college, or even get a job. But, I will most certainly try my hardest to make it. I just hope everything turns out okay. For the kids, for him, for myself. I hope he finds whatever it is he's looking for. Enough melancholy for now. See ya soon.
September 13, 1998
Lisa,
I haven't been very consistent with keeping this up, have I?? It's just that, lately, things have been, well, not good. I can't really talk about it here, I've only told one or two other people about it, because, nothing's really set in stone yet, and I'd rather not discuss it with a lot of people until I know something definite. In the meantime, suffice it to say that it's bad enough to where I'm having problems sleeping at night. It's times like these when I wish so badly I could learn to meditate! To be able to just shut the world off and go away to a different place in my mind, to forget all this is happening to me, what a wonderful thing that would be.
On a more mundane note, the kids first day of school went fantastically! They both are having a great time, and I get three hours a day to myself. I've decided, since that isn't enough time for a job, that I would take advantage of the weight room this apartment complex has, and do a workout every day. Might be able to shed that last 5-10 pounds I could really do without! That's about as far in the future as I can look at the present time.
Oh Lisa, I wish I could tell you what's going on. Hopefully, within the next couple of months, I'll know something definite. I am talking to someone extensively about it. I have to talk to someone, or else I would just burst! And though, they cannot help me, the fact that they listen is enough, since there's nothing anyone can do, even me. It's another waiting game I am playing, and we all know how the waiting can be even worse than the actual event you are waiting for. This has the potential of being really bad.
Well, that's about all for now. I'm sure I'll be back soon, to whine some more! See ya later!!
September 4, 1998
Lisa,
Taken me awhile to write to you because I've been busy with crafts. I was making a nice box and ornaments for my cousin's bridal shower, which is the 9th. I also painted up a shelf for my living room, which came out rather nice, if I do say so myself. The box, though, is my masterpiece. I am just tickled with how that turned out! Next, on the crafting front, is to finish painting the village houses I'm making for her wedding presents. It's a Christmas theme, in case you hadn't already guessed!
Riley's lip healed quite well, with only a slight scar. I think it will just add character to him. He's registered for school, as is Ariel, I just can't wait for them to start! Spent quite a bit of money on school supplies, so much so that we are extremely broke now! Only the 4th, and I'm looking eagerly ahead to next pay day already! Just confirms my feeling of needing to get the heck outta here as soon as possible! Sheesh!
Well, Satan's awake, so time for me to get off here. See ya soon!
