After the handsome tourist had been served in the Las Vegas cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress back and said in a very soft voice, "Miss, would you give me a piece of ass?"

"Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl. But she smiled and added, "Sure, why not? It's pretty slow here right now, so let's go!"

When the pair returned an hour later, the man returned to the table where his drink was still waiting. The waitress gave him a wink and asked, "And will there be anything else? "

"Yes, ma'am" replied the tourist. "In Virginia we take awa bourbon and water cold... Now I'll really need a piece of ass for my drink..."

A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle For the first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens, cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to amuse him with.

Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.

After a few hours, the nephew returned.

"How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.

"It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs

A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study for a drink.

"So what are your plans?" the father asks the young man. "I am a Torah scholar." he replies.

"A Torah scholar. Hmmm," the father says. "admirable, but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she's accustomed to?"

"I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us."

"And how will you buy her a beautiful engagement ring, such as she deserves?" asks the father.

"I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us."

"And children?" asks the father. "How will you support children?" "Don't worry, sir, God will provide," replies the fiance.

The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the young idealist insists that God will provide.

Later, the mother asks, "How did it go, Honey?"

The father answers, "He has no job and no plans, but the good news is he thinks I'm God."