Dear Francesca,

I feel so unsure of myself lately. Unsure of my appearance, unsure of my moods, unsure in general. Not long ago I wrote to you that I was feeling like my old self again, confident in myself and out of the shadows of depression. But for the past several days I feel like I have stumbled back into the fog. I have trouble making decisions, I have trouble getting motivated to do much of anything. At work on Friday I felt so uncomfortable I just wanted to leave. I felt so self-conscious, felt so much like an outsider. And why? Sometimes my moods have no apparent logic.

One thing that makes me feel self-conscious is the weight gain of this summer. The medications for manic-depression caused me to put on 20 pounds. Although I needed to gain some weight and only weigh 125 now, I don't feel like myself. I have always been thin, and now I have outgrown most of my clothes. I know, Franney, I'm not fat, but I feel like it. And I feel shallow and silly for feeling that way. Hannah will stop her self-pitying now

I want to stop focussing so much on myself. I want to get out and meet people, date someone. But I have trouble taking the steps to do so -- getting involved in activities where I would have social opportunities. I feel so caught up in my moods lately, moods of feeling down and/or inadequate. Why won't depression leave me alone?

Yours,
Hannah Iona