Dear Francesca,

Listening to Syd Straw "X-Ray"
    wish I could take an x-ray that could see
        what is going on in my body, what is all the commotion

Last week I saw a new gynecologist who told me the only thing she could do for my endometriosis was to put me on Lupron. When I showed my concern about being put on a drug that can cause
          bone loss, which may not be reversible
          and may lead to osteoporosis
          "emotional lability"
          short-term memory loss
          cause joint problems like destroying cartilage
She says, "Oh it's not that bad. Not for just 6 months those things won't happen." This drug is only FDA approved for six months. These things have happened in women who have taken this drug for just six months. Hmmm...why do I believe the words of women who have proof of how this drug wrecks an already wrecked body over a white-coated doctor behind a desk who hasn't lived this disease, this drug?

          This drug does not cure endometriosis
          There is no cure

While we're catching up on the poking and prodding of office calls, I saw an internal medicine physician this week for the body pain and faitgue I have been having over the past couple of months. She suspects fibromyalgia -- when she did the tender point test, I felt as if her fingers were knives. She didn't want to make a definitive diagnosis until blood work results come back...the blood tests are for rheumatoid arthritis, thyroid disease, and maybe lupus (which she mentioned, I am not sure as for a point of comparison or if that is among the possibles).

I'm somewhat in denial (not de Nile, Franney, although sometimes I feel as if I should just jump on in that river and forget it)...why and how my body is shattering...attacking itself. I feel like a freak when my body is so often flattened, broken, and stabbed with pain...when I sometimes don't have the strength to even pet Polliwog and Boo, hold a book up in bed...when I have to push myself to get through a 40 hour work week around people who just can't seem to believe a serious illness (make that two or three, while you're at it, auctioneer) can happen to a 25-year-old woman, and that there isn't anything that can just fix it...it would be nice if diseases didn't arise until cures existed, wouldn't it Franney? At least I can talk to you about it...Franney, you are one of the few things saving me from completely falling

Yours,
Hannah Iona