Dear Francesca,

Franney, I haven't meant to ignore you. I hadn't meant for the silence between us to fill this many days. I haven't had much contact with anyone, though, if that is any consolation. I have several letters which I have not answered, the clean typescript of severals e-mail waiting for a few words tossed back.

I don't understand the logic of pain. But I am no longer surprised at the tricks it plays. Just because I am able to do a certain task or action one day doen't mean I will the next. And the past couple of weeks I have been limited in writing. I need an ergonomic chair and/or to arrange my keyboard and mouse differently. My upper body has been pinched with thin slices of pain, as if sheets of glass had been pushed under my skin. It is painful to type this letter, but I wanted so very much to write you.

Did I tell you that the MRI was negative for adenomyosis? That was a relief. But...I have another factor to toss into this unbalanced equation: degenerative joint disease in my lower spine. I feel as if I have won the lottery from hell -- the demons deliver illness after illness.

I have thought this for sometime now, but I haven't expressed it to you: Considering all the chemicals flowing in the human body and all the internal doin's

estrogen   serotonin   growth hormone   substance P   progesterone
prostaglandins   vitamins   glucose   etc   etc   etc

I believe that my endometriosis, fibromyalgia and degenerative joint disease are all related. Perhaps it's something swirlin' in my DNA that made me more suseptible to them. I know that biochemically things are one big snarl inside me. Fibromyalgia and degenerative joint disease don't usually happen to someone who is (almost) 26; they are more common in middle-aged women, some things I have read that these are more common in women around the time of menopause. If that is so, estrogen may be a big problem -- I have been on continuous birth control pills to keep the ovaries "quiet" (shhhhhh), i.e. keep the estrogen in check, because estrogen feeds the endo, and we all know that is bad, bad, bad. However, estrogen loss has negative health consequences as well; perhaps that loss or decrease makes women with endo more suseptible to fibromyalgia? to degenerative joint disease?

Dr. Hannah will see the next patient, please...

Well, Franney, enough of the MD stuff. I leave you with remnants of my past few days:

    fallen whiskers from sea-green-eyed catlets
        strong winds through leaves hushing all other sounds
    a slinky lizard slithering back into darkness by the staircase
        rain-drenched magnolias against glossy green leaves
    whispers from cottonwood trees floating through the air
        dreams of flying with wings of thick white papyrus

Good night, Franney.

Yours,
Hannah Iona