|
Dear Francesca,
If I crossed off days on the calendar, I would quite happily X off today, for then there is only one workday left to the week. It has been a long week -- two doctor appointments and staying late and/or coming in early to make up the lost hours those have created. Today has been yawn-laden. I am looking forward to Friday night, knowing that I can go to bed without having to set an alarm clock. Mumma left today, having spent most of the week with me. She has done so much for me -- driving me to the out-of-town doctor's appointment, cleaning my apartment and other chores while I am gone to work. It certainly hasn't gone unnoticed. I feel that I have taken so much from her. My illness has certainly taken over my life, and it has taken over much of hers too. I am fortunate to have her help. I so often feel that I have been a burden on her with all of my problems. She insists that I am not. I wonder if when she held me as a baby who cried often and would not sleep she knew what she was in for in the years to come. I so much would like a child of my own someday, but I don't know that I am physically and mentally strong enough to handle the problems that may arise. On a related note, I have long noticed how much Mumma looks like her mother, Iona. She died at 37, when Mumma was only 7. Recently I compared two photos of the two of them. Their eyes are the exact same shape. Although their other features don't match, overall, they look so much alike. So much that Daddy's sister saw the photo of Iona and mistook it for one of Mumma. I have wondered so much about Iona. Mumma doesn't remember much about her, hasn't told me much about her. I wonder about how Iona met my grandfather, how she felt about having nine children, what she was like and what she liked. I wonder how Mumma would have been different had Iona not died so young. I wonder if there are aspects of her that have been genetically passed along to me, and what they might be. As you know, Franney, Iona is not my middle name given to me at birth. I have adopted it as a way to remember Iona and keep some part of her alive.
Yours,
|
