I have suffered from depression in some form off and on for most of my life. I have had several epsiodes of major depression, and lately I have been diagnosed as having bipolar affective disorder, or manic depression. When the highs come, it is exhilerating. I feel as if I have a thousand ideas and can do anything. But sometimes the highs have a nervous edge to them. I feel as if I would break, shatter, fragment. Currently I am on a mood stabilizer which takes away most of the highs and most of the nervousness. But I am still left with the darkness. I think I need a new anti-depressant; this one used to work quite well, but it has lost its effectiveness.

I wonder what I would be without the skulking shadows. For a couple of years, between now and my last bout with a major depression, I was confident. I was capable. I was in control. I feel none of those things now. I want my life back.

For a more detailed, day-by-day account of my struggle with manic depression, read my journal.

For general information on manic depression, visit my annotated links page.