How can a loving God allow this to happen to me? If God is faithful and just, why has my rapist allowed to go free?
These are not easy questions to answer to someone who is in desperate need of answers, but it seems even more difficult to answer one who has found themselves the victim of sexual assault one too many times.
I don't feel loved, you may say. I hurt. I weep. I suffer. I want to die. If God loves me, then why doesn't he fix this? Now! The Lord says that He is the Great Physician, not the great magician. He is working with you to help you heal. But, as with all deep hurts, it takes time. Keep heart! All ways of the Lord are loving and faithful, even if at times it may not seem like it. He has seen what we have been though, and he weeps for us. He does love us.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish, but have everlasting life! (John 3:16)
What a wonderful promise for all! He also carries our burdens for us, if we lay them at his feet:
Do not let your hearts be troubled.
Trust in God, trust also in Me (Christ)... Peace I leave with
you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not
let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid. (John 14:1, 27)
Come to me all who are weary
and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn
from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest
for you souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. (Matt 11:28)
That is such an awesome promise. We struggle with such an enormous burden... I, for example, have been so afraid to tell friends and family about my experience because I am so afraid that I will be condemned and blamed for what happened. I was supposed to be the upright and Godly person. I was never supposed to have had sex before marriage. I allowed myself to loose my virginity and make myself unclean for my future husband. But, God knows what I've been through. He speaks to me, gently, "Take heart, for I have not forgotten you. Am I not still God? There is no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus. You are forgiven through the blood of Christ, the sacrifice lamb. Therefore, forgive, as Christ has forgiven you."
What? What was that again? I am supposed to forgive him who attacked me? I am supposed to forgive him who wronged me? He was the attacker, he was the one who assaulted me!
"Forgive and love your enemies I have forgiven and loved you."
It may sound very strange to hear, but in the forgiving comes the healing. Remember, forgiving another person does not make them right in what they do. It doesn't mean that you have accepted what they have done to you. It does not mean that you aren't supposed to hold them accountable under the law. After all, God instituted law for our benefit and safety. However, condemnation also does not lead to change--change comes only through the conviction of God. And, take comfort also in the knowledge that, even though through circumstances you may not be able to bring your attacker to justice, he will receive judgement under God's wrath in heaven.
The desire of the righteous ends only in good, but the hope of the wicked only in wrath...Be sure of this: The wicked will not go unpunished, but those who are righteous will go free. (Proverbs 11:23, 21)
Moreover, remember the power that there is in prayer. Pray for your attacker that he in some way might be shown the error of his ways so that other innocent people won't fall victims of his prey. Most of all, pray that your attacker comes to grace under the accepting knowledge of Christ's saving mercy. What a wonderous joy in heaven that will be if I see my offender coming to me and he says to me, "I am sorry, sister, for all the wrong that I've committed against you. Please, forgive me in the injustices I have done to you and the pain I have put you through." Maybe you have not reached that part of your healing journey. This is okay if you can't say right now that you want to see him in heaven someday. I'm not even sure I can say this yet. But, it is a beautiful road sign to see in your journey of healing because this is the sign that you are almost there.
If you are not yet a Christian, but would like to know more about how you can become one, please check out A Life In Jesus.
Email me at: Tearjerker01@hotmail.com 