15 REASONS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER, WARNING SIGNS
OF AN ABUSIVE PERSONALITY
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FROM: Dear Abby
Something's just not right in your relationship, and you can't
put your finger on it. So here's some help. If your mate is
displaying a combination of these behaviors, then you may have
a potential batterer on your hands.
1. A PUSH FOR QUICK INVOLVEMENT: Comes on very strong,
claiming, "I've never felt loved like this by anyone." An
abuser pressures the woman for an exclusive commitment almost
immediately.
2. JEALOUSY: excessively possessive; calls constantly or
visits unexpectedly; prevents you from going to work because
"you might meet someone"; checks the mileage on your car.
3. CONTROLLING: Interrogates you intensely (especially if
you're late) about whom you talked to, and where you were;
keeps all the money; insists you ask permission to go anywhere
or do anything.
4. UNREALISTIC EXPECTATIONS: Expects you to be the perfect
woman and meet his every need.
5. ISOLATION: Tries to cut you off from family and friends;
accuses people who are your supporters of "causing trouble."
The abuser may deprive you of a phone or car or try to prevent
you from holding a job.
6. BLAMES OTHERS FOR PROBLEMS AND MISTAKES: The boss, you --
it's always someone else's fault if anything goes wrong.
7. MAKES EVERYONE ELSE RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS FEELINGS: The abuser
says, "You make me angry" instead of, "I am angry" or, "You're
hurting me by not doing what I tell you." Less obvious is the
claim: "You make me happy."
8. HYPERSENSITIVITY: Is easily insulted, claiming that his
feelings are hurt when he is really mad. He'll rant about the
injustice of things that are just part of life.
9. CRUELTY TO ANIMALS AND TO CHILDREN: Kills or punishes animals
brutally. Also may expect children to do things that are far
beyond their ability (whips a 3-year-old for wetting a diaper)
or may tease them until they cry. Sixty-five percent of abusers
who beat their partner will also abuse children.
10. "PLAYFUL" USE OF FORCE DURING SEX: Enjoys throwing you down
or holding you down against your will during sex; says he finds
the idea of rape exciting.
11. VERBAL ABUSE: Constantly criticizes you, or says blatantly
cruel, hurtful things; degrades, curses, calls you ugly names.
This may also involve sleep deprivation, waking you up with
relentless verbal abuse.
12. RIGID SEX ROLES: Expects you to serve, obey and remain
at home.
13. SUDDEN MOOD SWINGS: Switches from sweetly loving to
explosively violent in a matter of minutes.
14. PAST BATTERING: Admits hitting women in the past, but says
they made him do it or the situation brought it on.
15. THREATS OF VIOLENCE: Makes statements like, "I'll break
your neck," or "I'll kill you," and then dismisses them with,
"Everybody talks that way," or "I didn't really mean it." If he
has come this far, it is time to get help, or get out!
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