Essay 1As summer gradually fades away into autumn, my thoughts become more and more focused on the cycle of life - birth and death, beginnings and endings. I contemplate my own cycles, as well as those of my unborn son. I don't know if we're really in sync yet, but he seems to be particularly active after meals. It's as if he's saying, "Yum, mommy, that was good, let's play…" or "Ma, too rich, too rich!!" He likes to kick and squirm at night and in the mornings; during the day, an occasional flutter, like the touch of a butterfly's wing, reminds me he's there.Of course, I can never really forget he's there - big tummy, swollen feet, and large appetite can attest to that. But there's something more - a feeling, an anticipation, a moment in time where he's getting ready to be born and I'm preparing myself for a kind of rebirth. It's a time of uncertainty and fear, of joy and excitement. There's a lot of it that makes no sense, and some things that just feel so right. Loving my baby above all else is one of those things that just feels right. My heart feels like it's expanded, my love has become unconditional. It's just happened. I can't explain it any more than I can explain why anything happens in life. Why does the sun come up every day, why does beauty fade, why do relationships die? Being pregnant has reminded me, once again, that there is a higher power, that there's something much bigger at work here, and the patch of grass I'm looking at right now is going to be here still long after I and my son are gone. It has forced me to see that despite my intentions to control my own reality, I'm just a player in a universal drama of birth, life, and death that will be performed over and over, without much variance. But for now, it's enough to know that the cycle of life is repeating inside of me. It makes me feel part of something bigger than myself, something profound and beautiful and fleeting and like nothing else. So, sleep well, little one, child of the universe. Your time will come soon to laugh, to weep, to love, and to lose. Your time will come to wonder at the mystery of the universe. And so the cycle goes on…
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