Dawn - 12/28/00 14:22:53

Comments:
Anne- I too am married to a man who says/does things that hurt me. I was especially struck by your mention of the movies/TV shows that opened your eyes. Recently, my husband gets upset over certain songs, movies, TV shows if there is any anti-male references and snarls at me about it. I am afraid to watch/listen to anything in his presence. He is especially sensitive since we had our first physical confrontation this summer. I nearly left him, we went into counseling together, and I gave him literature on abuse. My husband cried in counseling and told me how sorry he was, he wished he was dead. When I tried to push the issue, get him to admit that what he did constituted abuse, the counselor stopped me and said I was the abusive one, hounding him while in tears. So I quietly eat dirt until I earn back his love, but I may have gone too far this time, calling a spade a spade.

Louise Duke - 11/30/00 06:49:39

Comments:
I just discovered your website while searching for answers for my situation. I have found so much helpful (and painful) information. Now I am looking forward to spending more time here as I work through the discovery of how dramatically my life has been ffected by the verbal abuse I have endured for more than 40 years from my husband. Thank you for the wealth of information.

Theresa - 10/30/00 21:41:38

Comments:
I left my abuser over three yrs ago. Walking out the door was the hardest thing I ever did, because I knew that once I set foot outside the apartment with suitcase in hand, I would never go back. As is the usual cycle, the abuse was subtle at first, with the insults, the putdowns, his arrogant behavior, and his drinking problem. I ignored the waving red flags. I should have know for certain something was very wrong with the relationship when he st rted to pressure me to have a baby and to rush into marriage, when I knew him less than a year. You are very brave to seek help. Please continue to do. Peace

karen - 10/21/00 00:19:46

Comments:
you are a brave lady. please leave, you can get help if you want it. call womens aid.

A Victim/Survivor - 08/23/00 21:08:22

Comments:
YOUR VOICE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE! - The most important thing we can do right now to get VAWA passed is to MAKE NOISE - lots of it. Let Congress know that we know what is happening, and we won't stand for it! While they are thinking about running for re-el ction, women and children are running for their lives. Tell Congress they must protect the laws that protect our families! Here's what you can do -- 1) CALL YOUR SENATORS AND REPRESENTATIVES AT THEIR HOME OFFICE WHILE THEY'RE ON VACATION! Go to the http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org website to find your legislators' phone numbers. Enter your zip-code to get the names of your representative and senators. Then, click on their name to get the phone number for their district (home) offices. Whe you call, tell them to make VAWA reauthorization a priority when they return to Washington. Tell them why VAWA matters to you. Be sure to tell them your name and address, so they realize you are one of their constituents. If you live near their district ffice - why don't you pay them a visit! 2) HELP SPREAD THE WORD! Copy the message below and send it to friends; post it on message boards, list-serves, or anything else you can think of! Here's the message: RAISE YOUR VOICE TO STOP FAMILY VIOLENCE Time is running out for millions of women and children who are the victims of family violence. The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) -- landmark legislation that provides over $1.5 billion for hotlines, shelters and services to domestic violence and sexua assault victims nationwide -- WILL EXPIRE unless Congress acts before September 28. You can help. Send a free, pre-written, e-mail to Washington and tell Congress you want them to pass the Violence Against Women Act TODAY at http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org Tell Congress to protect the programs that protect our families! Together, we can...... http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org 3) TELL THE MEDIA! Copy the message below, then go to http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org and click on the "tell the media" tab at the top right of the home page. Enter your ZIP code to identify your regional media contacts. Click the "compose message" button - then paste the message below into the interactive window. Send messages to media contacts throughout your region with just a click! Here's the message: STOP FAMILY VIOLENCE NOW Time is running out for millions of women and children who are the victims of family violence. The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) -- landmark legislation that provides over $1.5 billion in funding for hotlines, shelters and services to domestic violence and sexual assault victims to communities like ours, nationwide -- WILL EXPIRE unless Congress acts before September 28. Since VAWA was passed in 1994, communities across the country have been better able to protect victims and punish offenders. Our nation has seen a dramatic decline in domestic violence murder rates since VAWA began. Expansion of this crucial legislation, and identification of a targeted funding source for VAWA programs, is essential so our community can continue successful long-range planning to reduce family violence. Congress must reauthorize and expand VAWA to ens re these essential protections are available: · Expanded support for the National Domestic Violence Hotline and battered women's shelters; · Transitional housing for families once they leave shelters; · Legal protections for immigrant women and children so they are not faced with deportation for leaving abusive relationships; · Civil legal assistance for women leaving abusive relationships; · Grants to train police, prosecutors and judges and to encourage arrests and; · Protections for dating youth, who are at the greatest risk for relationship violence and sexual assault of all. More than 9000 children will witness their mothers being abused today; at least one of those children will be killed. We ask Congress to hear the cries of this nation's children. Congress must ACT NOW to protect the programs that protect our families. Thi is no time for partisan politics - womens' and childrens' lives are at stake every minute of every day. Congress must reauthorize VAWA now! 4) CONTACT ME if you have other ideas for how to get the word out, or if you know of any media contacts or funding sources who would be interested in this issue. mailto:actnow@stopfamilyviolence.org Thanks for your ongoing support. Together, we can http://stopfamilyviolence.org Irene Weiser mailto:ActNow@stopfamilyviolence.org

Ellen - 08/01/00 23:09:40

Comments:
I left my abuser 7 months ago. I still have alot of problems making decisions and do positive things for myself. I have a hard time standing up for myself in the divorce and not feeling I don't deserve anything after 24 years of marriage. I keep working at it and hopefully someday I'll feel better.

Candi - 07/22/00 01:07:19

Comments:
Show And Tell My daddy hits my mommy and she cries all the time and daddy always yells at her and me sometimes too and after that he says he loves mommy and me and then mommy has this funny look on her face,she has lots of funny faces and they have colors too, black,bl e,purple,brown,red,green and yellow. Mommy sure looks different when her face isn't colored up. I don't see mommy like that very much-no colors I mean. Daddy drinks out of a funny bottles and he smokes these smelly things that really stink. I even sneaked a drink once and it made me feel funny and sick and talk and be mad. Oh I have a picture of my mommy too,she has the funny face and the colors are all mixed together. That's OK cause that's how daddy shows mommy he loves her. Mommy said so and so did daddy cause they tell that to each other everyday after he hits her. Daddy sure loves mommy a whole bunch cause mommy always looks like that,the colors I mean and crying. I can't wait to grow up and marry someone just like daddy and who loves me just as much as daddy loves mommy. Oh I forgot me and mommy went to see daddy at this big place and we talked to him behind some glass on the phone.I asked mommy how come we always come and see daddy,she said this is where daddy lives. Daddy had funny looking clothes on and they weren't ve y pretty either. I can't wait to do this too.Someday I can bring my kids to see their daddy too and show them where he lives and show and tell my kids this is how much daddy love us too. I can't wait. Intimate Partner Violence/Domestic Violence has many names and hurts kids too.They don't have to see it or hear it , but what they do see and hear is on your face or body, in your voice, in a hospital ER or ICU, behind the glass, in your eyes, at your gra e site, by being woke up at 4 am.,from gossip,on the news,in their hearts and minds. The cycle continues on down the line, passed from one generation to the next until somebody has the help they need to stop it. Can you imagine when your child has show and tell at school, that this story is what they tell the class? I can,because one day for show and tell this is a similar story my kids told. And now my daughters are in abusive relationships and now their sons an daughters will pass down this story for show and tell. I had to dig down deep within myself as a child,and get inside my own children's souls and write this. I too told a similar story for show and tell when I was a child. Writing this on May 10,2000 was the beginning of my journey to healing and putting an end to the cycle of abuse in my life. There's nothing worse than seeing your own child beaten and realizing for the first time the truth,that domestic violence hurts ki s too in more ways than I ever imagined. I am a new member of The Spokane County Domestic Violence Consortium in Spokane WA. I serve on the Education and Services Committee's and on the Survivor's Speaker's Bureau. You may contact me for more information at grammyb39@hotmail.com Candice Botner May 10,2000

nel - 07/15/00 03:47:15

Comments:
I am surprised and not surprised to find that your website describes me and my present situation. I don't know if i'm relieved to find that another is suffering the same abuse, but i don't feels so alone. i hope can hear from you. i'll read more to see if you have an email address. i am at the beginning stage of reaching out for help. i've been suffering for five years and his abuse is slowly worsening. i started researching about a month ago off and on. he is asleep right now. i'm exhausted but needed to get on line to find help. he will say something mean and nasty if he wakes up and finds me here. i just put my eyes down and i try not to defy him anymore. i cannot take the rage. thank you for being here. nel

jboltz@facstaff.wisc.edu - 07/04/00 19:32:23

Comments:
You have a great site. I have just found it and am looking forward to "exploring" it. -- Jane

Anne - 06/30/00 17:49:23

Comments:
debralee-- Thank you for posting to my web-page. I hope you read this. Even though you included your e-mail, I would be afraid to send you a message there in case your abuser were to see it. I can honestly say I know how desperate, depressed, overwhelmed, and alone you feel. Please know that there are people who want to help you. PLEASE call a domestic violence shelter and ask them to help you. If not that, please at least go to Dr. Irene' website at drirene.com I can honestly say that I was helped A LOT by that site. In particular, there are e-mail support groups where people in the same situation can talk to each other about how to cope with and eventually CHANGE their situations. You are NOT alone! If you don't do it to save yourself, please do it to save your son! Your abuser keeps promising change, but he will probably never do it unless you take action first. YOU have the power to change your life. I know that it doesn't feel t at way right now, and that if feels so overwhelming to even try, but you CAN do it. You are much stronger than you give yourself credit for. How else could you have survived the horrors that you have faced? You don't have to solve all the problems all t once--just take baby steps and you will get there eventually--there are lots of people who will help you if you ask them to.

debralee.taillefer@pwgsc.gc.ca - 06/29/00 16:14:40

Comments:
I'm at a crossing in my life now. I have two young children. I've read the victim's list (almost fits me to a tee - scary). What gets me most is the personality change in my son (7yrs). He is becoming resentful, whiny, uncommunicative, lazy, withdrawn seems to retreat to his own little world more often that not - the school teachers/counsellors are concerned - they think he has an attention deficit - me, I think he just escapes. He is forever down on himself - no self-esteem, no confidence! It break my heart. I don't know what to do. my common-law hubby keeps promising to go to Anger mgt. sessions (hasn't yet...), I just want quiet in the house for once instead of hearing yelling all the time - what do I do - I'm getting fatter by the day - I'm on anti-depressants, that aren't working.... Sometimes, I'd like to just go to sleep and not wake up. HELP

tally - 06/23/00 16:23:19

Comments:
you are a brave, smart, kind woman. keep working on it. i know you can get through this. i hope you can leave him one day. it is hard, i know. good luck. i will continue to look at your site to watch your progress!!! i care.

midwestern - 06/05/00 15:25:08

Comments:
Hello Anne and fellow colleagues! I was just referred to your site from Dr.Irene's site. I could have written this myself. I have used the same terms...walking on eggshells. I have since left my abuser. Also have had a relationship with what I thought was a caring person. I remember when we first started, I was concerned that I would choose an abuser again. He was so kind and loving, then all of a sudden he was gone. I felt really used and foolish. I have just read your "Red Flags" and will defini ely use them as guidelines. He knew I was vulnerable. Lesson learned!

Broken Angels - 04/24/00 21:19:28

Comments:
Hello Today I decided to surf and find out what is online in regards to verbal abuse. I have read a book that got me started a few months ago understanding it by my therapist. Since I have gotten better but i am still having set backs too. Today I decided to start my own story page that I will work on over the coming weeks I started by what happened this easter weekend that really is a big eye opener members.aol.com/wordsbrokenangel I came across your page surfing and it was like i was reading myself writting. I have no plans to leave my relationship the good in him I still care for. my email if you wish to ever email is wordsbrokenangel@aol.com Thanks your page is a keeper to save

George Anne Brown - 03/29/00 21:45:23

Comments:
Our daughter is the victim in an abusive relationship, both verbal and physical. She is separated from her husband right now, and we are praying she will get the help she needs. I found your site on a link from Dr. Irene's site and I am going to email y ur site to her. Thank you for your courage in bringing this problem to light.

Andrea - 03/28/00 17:47:13

Comments:
Dear Anne: Thank you for putting together this wonderful, and very informative wed site. I want you to know your web page was one of the first things I read on abuse last week when I first had the slightest revelation there was something wrong. I printed out the "red flags", and I wrote in the margins. I wrote down everything I could remember from the past ten months of marriage to my husband. The more I wrote, the more I remembered. Sometimes, I said, "no, that incident wasn't that big of a dea ", but I wrote it anyway. I have read and re-read that list. It is helping me feel more together. Thank you! Andrea

Veronique - 03/11/00 19:21:34

Comments:
Thanks so much....I thought it was me.

Anne - 02/01/00 18:52:08

Comments:
Please feel free to share your thoughts here.