My History With
Domestic Violence
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WARNING! This page is an true, and factual account of my horror with abuse. It may upset some people. My history with Domestic Violence, Began when I left home to marry my teen age love, in 1983. I was 16 years old, and didn't have a clue! I eloped, and later called my parents to tell them of our marriage at the court house earlier that day, and that I was six months pregnant. I'm sure they were somewhat shocked. The first year or so we lived with my in laws. My husband had two younger brothers and a little sister. I first witnessed his violent temper when he held his 12 year old brother by the throat, over the stair's railing. I intervened to stop him from hurting him, I was scared to death but never imagined he'd one day turn that violence on me.
In later years we had our own place, but it was always a struggle to make ends meet. We grew apart as I went out into the work force to try and help support our family. Between the drugs he used, the so called friends we had, lack of money (because he didn't like to work), and lack of support, we were like dogs chasing our tails. Things deteriorated very quickly, but it drug out for six years. He began with the verbal abuse, then throwing things arround the house, and eventually either throwing me, and or hitting, punching, kicking me. He never hit Chris, although witnessing it has had it's lasting affects too. He continued to stay away for days at a time, not holding a steady job, buying pot instead of giving me money to get Chris's immunizations, and sleeping around. Anyone that's ever been abused knows the gory details they are all pretty much the same. Verbal abuse, brain washing you into believing no one else would want you, stealing your self respect, and self esteem, (what little there was to begin with) cheating, and of course the "Please forgive me, I'll NEVER do it again!" stage.
I finally left him in 1988, and moved to Virginia, with my oldest sister Karen. She helped me for a very long time. For years she was the only one there to help me pick up the pieces when things fell apart. I certainly couldn't do it myself, due to lack of money and self esteem. Well, I went and did it again some years later. I found another abuser, and this time it was much worse, I still think it's a wonder Chris and I made it out alive, and in one piece. When I left my husband in Baltimore and moved to Virginia, I put on a good show. I acted as if nothing had happened. I thought at the time, I was "getting on with my life" Later I learned all I did was postpone a bunch of misery. I never dealt with all that mess from Baltimore (my so called marriage), so inevitably, it came back to haunt me.
In 1990-91, after another wrecked relationship (although not abusive, but emotionally dead) I found the man that would change my life forever. I thought he was THE ONE! This is such a L O N G story, for now I am going to make it brief and give only basic details. We hung out for a month or so, and fell in love, I then found out he was married, she found out too, we met each other, he was very truthful to her about us, in front of me, he moved out, we got our own place, he filed for a divorce, she harassed the living hell out of us trying to get him back, he kept sleeping with her, we began to fight, we moved to a better apartment, things got real bad, he began abusing Chris, I started going to College, he became extremely jealous, and possessive, controlling, and more and more abusive towards me, I became financially dependent on him, abuse toward Chris continued and worsened, he threatened Chris not to tell me, In order for me to survive I buried myself in my studies, and neglected to see just how bad it was, how bad Chris was being treated, the abuse got worse and worse, the police were involved several times, UNTIL the last straw.
On this day, he told me that I was not alowed to get into OUR apartment to retrieve any of my things, he had the locks changed, I broke into the apt. packed up everything that could fit into my little car, and was about to leave when he showed up. He was enraged that his plan to keep me from my belongings had failed, he came to the car, and punched his fist into the side of my head, THROUGH THE SIDE WINDOW OF MY CAR! So that led to his first arrest. My son and I were absolutely terrified at that moment and for the continuing year and a half. IN THE FOLLOWING DAYS I WAS ARRESTED ON MY JOB FOR BREAKING AND ENTERING INTO MY OWN APARTMENT! Later the charge was dropped, when I proved that I lived there. I had a new friend from College, that took us into her home until we found another place to live, we were there almost six months I think.
During that time he began to stalk Chris and I. He wanted us back, and of course was very sorry for what he had done. He called constantly, left letters, poems, flowers, and gifts on my car seat every day for months (the locks on my car doors were broke, I had an ole hooptie piece of junk), he contacted every single person that I ever had contact with, friends, family (in Virginia, AND in Baltimore), college teachers, co-workers, ANYONE THAT I SPOKE TO AND EVERYONE I HAD REGULAR CONTACT WITH.
He tried to convince these people (and DID many of them!) that he was sorry, didn't mean it, would never do it again, and that he loved us, and couldn't live without us. He would have them call me, for him begging to take him back, pass letters from him, to me. He even chased me down on the road, and followed me himself, and had me followed around campus. One of the craziest incidents, was when he dressed in camouflage and hid in the trees to watch me through the window.
I followed every incident with a trip to the well known Magistrate office. More often than not, the Magistrate refused to see that he was stalking us, terrifying us, and refused to put out a warrant on him. UNTIL, he broke the restraining order, and contacted my X husband in Baltimore!!!!!!! I didn't even know where he was! He made up an elaborate story to try and get the X to get Chris, so he could get Chris from him! I know it sounds crazy, but honestly that is really the truth! So, at that point I was able to charge him with stalking.
I was the first woman (ALIVE) in the state of Virginia to file that charge against her stalker. The only other woman that the law was used for had been killed by her stalker! I was able to convince my X that this guy was PSYCHO, and he was then a witness for my case. We won the first trial, but Skitso (that's what I call him, the man that stalked us) appealed it, which led it to a higher court. In the next trial we had NO WITNESS, because my X's girlfriend threatened to leave him if he came back to Virginia to help us, and I had a LOUSY COMMONWEALTH'S ATTORNEY, that was overheard ( by my old lawyer's secretary) telling my old lawyer that he had no intention wasting his time on my case because it was bull shit! SO my stalker got away with all the hell he put us through with a mere slap on the hand, and a few lawyer's bills which he could well afford.
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