When you had a really bad day and you get behind a school bus that stops
     every block and the brats in the back are making faces at you.

The term "friendly fire".

The dentist who acts like you can talk with a rubber dam in your mouth.

Oprah Winfrey - A multi-national co-orporation that thinks she can still be one
     of us by using the expression "Girlfriend... "

Montel Williams - A pig-headed egomaniac who thinks that if kids are kept in
     their place, the deficit will go away.

Sally Jessy Raphael - Transplant her mannerisms into a hairdresser salon in the
     '70s, and she instantly becomes a yammering old bag!

What's the deal with these new, young, egomaniacal, money-hungry
     "professionnal" athletes?  What's with the "I haven't started shaving yet, but I
      deserve 64.768 million dollars because my mother fed me steroid-laden
      chicken" attitude?  Come-on! THiS iS NuTSo!

Any of those Air Canada "Defy" this and "Defy" that commercials that started
     running during the Olympics -  the brainiacs behind these spots must have
     taken lessons on being obtuse from those "Mbanx" commercials that ran over a
     year ago.  Whatever happened to just telling people you'll fly them somewhere
     for a decent price and they'll arrive in one piece?  No, no, you're right.  Opera
     music and dancing midgets tell people so much more.

People who throw lit cigarettes out of car windows. I was driving home one day
     and this dork in a huge ugly primer-coloured van threw his lit cigarette out of
     the car window. It flew past him and underneath my car. I have this (OK maybe
     the tiniest bit irrational) fear that one day a cigarette is going to catch a fume
     from my gas tank or something and my car will explode. Maybe I've been
     watching too many Keanu Reeves movies, but it could happen right? The thing
     is this jerk probably had a few places he could put it: (1) in his ashtray [duh]
    (2) in a half-filled, mold-covered, three month old cup of coffee from the 7-11
    (3) up one of his nostrils (where I personally think all smokers should put their
     cigarettes) or (4) in his ear, since there is obviously some space between the
     two of them for crap like this.

People who wear short shorts - I don't think I know anyone who enjoys watching
     someone's ass eat their shorts. What kind of demented loser finds that
     attractive?   "Leave something to the imagination, you hooch!"

REM - who needs shiny happy people prancing around and pissing us all off?
     Just kidding, REM is a pretty cool group.....I'm just gettin' too bitter  :o)

People Who Shove Religion Down Your Throat - The only thing we want to be
     "saved" from is you. I hate having strangers come up to me and tell me that
     so-and-so is coming. Isn't there something in the bible that says "Thou Shall Not
     Annoy the Hell Out of Thy Neighbor"?  If not.. there should be. Hell is being with
     these people... forever on a street corner...

People who hit you with canes - Just cuz you're old and nasty doesn't mean you
     can break our bones!

People who drive real slow - GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY OR I'LL GET A
     TANK AND RUN OVER YOU!!!!

People who chew with their mouths open - I don't enjoy seeing you devour your
     food. If I did enjoy seeing that sort of thing, I'd go see feeding time at the local
     zoo.

People Who Have One Eyebrow- that's pretty scary. Did you know that most
     people have two? Yes! One above each eye!!! Not covering their whole
     forehead!!!  *yeeSH*

People Who Claim They Watch Baywatch For The Plot- there is no plot!!
     Just admit that you're looking at all the half naked plastic people. It's ok to be a
     drooling loser.

People Who Make Their Own T-shirts With Puffy Paints- the shirts almost never
     look good. Stop it!!!  Please!!

People Who Don't Pick Up The Dog Crap When Walking The Dog- I'm going to
     rent an elephant and have it shit on your lawn. See how much you like picking
     it up then!!  Losers!!  La-hoo-sa-hers!!  Losers!!!

People With Poodles- they're not real dogs. They are really pieces of lint with
     the ability to make an annoying barking sound. Go get a real dog. Real dogs
     don't have perms. (Just kidding......I just wanna piss my mom off....our family
     has a poodle.......click here to see him....he's a cutie!)

People Who Dress Up Their Pets- go buy a Barbie. That's what it's there for.
     Animals don't really like clothing... ever see a dog in a dress store buying stuff?
     Didn't think so. Buy a clue with that Barbie.

People Who Touch Monkeys When The Sign Says Not To: What the hell is
     wrong with you people?  Leave the monkeys alone!!

People Who Itch Themselves In Front Of You: You know who you are.  You
     stand infront of others and itch every disgusting inch of skin on your groin.
    Nobody wants to see this.  Try getting a flea collar!  Either that or stay home. I
    sure as hell don't want to see you rubbing yourself raw all the time.

People Who Are Craving For A Cigarette: It's funny to watch them freak out for
    a while, but after that, they just get mean.  Damn nic fits!

People Who Look Over Your Shoulder While You're Writing: Piss off.
     If I wanted you to read it... I'd hand it to you!  *STooGe*

emericans