Here are a number of frequently asked questions to help raise awareness and
dispel some of the common myths about suicide:1. Why do people attempt suicide?
People usually attempt suicide to block unbearable emotional pain, which is
caused by a wide variety of problems.
It is often a cry for help. A person
attempting suicide is often so distressed that they are unable to see that they
have other options: we can help prevent a tragedy by endeavoring to understand
how they feel and helping them to look for better choices that they could
make.
Suicidal people often feel terribly isolated; because of their distress,
they may not think of anyone they can turn to, furthering this isolation.
In the vast majority of cases a suicide attemptor would choose differently if
they were not in great distress and were able to evaluate their options
objectively.
Most suicidal people give warning signs in the hope that they
will be rescued, because they are intent on stopping their emotional pain, not
on dying.
2. Aren't all suicidal people crazy?
No, being suicidal does not imply that you are crazy. Acutely distressed
perhaps, but not crazy.As Appleby and Condonis[1] write:
The majority of individuals who commit suicide do not have a diag-
nosable mental illness. They are people just like you and I who at a
particular time are feeling isolated, desperately unhappy and alone.
Suicidal thoughts and actions may be the result of life's stresses and
losses that the individual feels they just can't cope with.
The idea that suicide is usually due to mental illness is a myth which
unfortunately tends to perpetuate the problem, particularly in our society
where there is much stigma and ignorance regarding mental illness. A person
who feels suicidal may fear that other people will think they are "crazy" if
they tell them how they feel, and be reluctant to reach out for help in acrisis.
On the other hand, people who are suffering from a mental illness such as
schizophrenia do have much higher suicide rates, although they are still in the
minority of attemptors.
For these people, having their illness correctly
diagnosed can mean that an appropriate treatment can begin to address their
illness.
3. Doesn't talking about suicide encourage it?
It depends what aspect you talk about. Talking about the feelings surrounding
suicide promotes understanding and can greatly reduce the immediate distress of
a suicidal person. In particular, it is OK to ask someone if they are
considering suicide, if you suspect that they are not coping. If they are
feeling suicidal, it can come as a great relief to see that someone else has
some insight into how they feel.
This can be a difficult question to ask, so here are some possible approaches:
"Are you feeling so bad that you're considering suicide?"
"That sounds like an awful lot for one person to take; has it made you
think about killing yourself to escape?"
"Has all that pain you're going through made you think about hurting
yourself?"
Talking exclusively about how to commit suicide can give ideas to people who
feel suicidal, but haven't thought about how they'd do it yet. Media reports
that concentrate solely on the method used and ignore the emotional backdrop
behind it can tend to encourage copycat suicides.
4. So what sort of things can contribute to someone feeling suicidal?
People can usually deal with isolated stressful or traumatic events and
experiences reasonably well, but when there is an accumulation of such events
over an extended period, our normal coping strategies can be pushed to thelimit.
The stress or trauma generated by a given event will vary from person to
person depending on their background and how they deal with that particular
stressor. Some people are personally more or less vulnerable to particular
stressful events, and some people may find certain events stressful which
others would see as a positive experience. Furthermore, individuals deal
with stress and trauma in different ways; the prescence of multiple risk
factors does not necessarily imply that a person will become suicidal.
What Can I Do To Help Someone Who May Be Suicidal?
1. TAKE IT SERIOUSLY
a. Myth: "The people who talk about it don't do it."
Studies have found that more than 75% of all completed suicides did things
in the few weeks or months prior to their deaths to indicate to others that
they were in deep despair. Anyone expressing suicidal feelings needs
immediate attention.
b. Myth: "Anyone who tries to kill himself has got to be crazy."
Perhaps 10% of all suicidal people are psychotic or have delusional beliefs
about reality. Most suicidal people suffer from the recognized mental
illness of depression; but many depressed people adequately manage their
daily affairs. The absence of "craziness" does not mean the absence of
suicide risk.
c. "Those problems weren't enough to commit suicide over," is often said by
people who knew a completed suicide. You cannot assume that because you feel
something is not worth being suicidal about, that the person you are with
feels the same way. It is not how bad the problem is, but how badly it's
hurting the person who has it.
2. REMEMBER: SUICIDAL BEHAVIOR IS A CRY FOR HELP
Myth: "If a someone is going to kill himself, nothing can stop him."
The fact that a person is still alive is sufficient proof that part of him
wants to remain alive. The suicidal person is ambivalent - part of him wants
to live and part of him wants not so much death as he wants the pain to end.
It is the part that wants to live that tells another "I feel suicidal." If a
suicidal person turns to you it is likely that he believes that you are more
caring, more informed about coping with misfortune, and more willing to
protect his confidentiality. No matter how negative the manner and content
of his talk, he is doing a positive thing and has a positive view of you.
3. BE WILLING TO GIVE AND GET HELP SOONER RATHER THAN LATER
Suicide prevention is not a last minute activity. All textbooks on
depression say it should be reached as soon as possible. Unfortunately,
suicidal people are afraid that trying to get help may bring them more pain:
being told they are stupid, foolish, sinful, or manipulative; rejection;
punishment; suspension from school or job; written records of their
condition; or involuntary commitment. You need to do everything you can to
reduce pain, rather than increase or prolong it. Constructively involving
yourself on the side of life as early as possible will reduce the risk of
suicide.
4. LISTEN
Give the person every opportunity to unburden his troubles and ventilate his
feelings. You don't need to say much and there are no magic words. If you
are concerned, your voice and manner will show it. Give him relief from
being alone with his pain; let him know you are glad he turned to you.
Patience, sympathy, acceptance. Avoid arguments and advice giving.
5. ASK: "ARE YOU HAVING THOUGHTS OF SUICIDE?"
Myth: "Talking about it may give someone the idea."
People already have the idea; suicide is constantly in the news media. If
you ask a despairing person this question you are doing a good thing for
them: you are showing him that you care about him, that you take him
seriously, and that you are willing to let him share his pain with you. You
are giving him further opportunity to discharge pent up and painful
feelings. If the person is having thoughts of suicide, find out how far
along his ideation has progressed.
6. IF THE PERSON IS ACUTELY SUICIDAL, DO NOT LEAVE HIM ALONE
If the means are present, try to get rid of them. Detoxify the home.
7. URGE PROFESSIONAL HELP
Persistence and patience may be needed to seek, engage and continue with as
many options as possible. In any referral situation, let the person know you
care and want to maintain contact.
8. NO SECRETS
It is the part of the person that is afraid of more pain that says "Don't
tell anyone." It is the part that wants to stay alive that tells you about
it. Respond to that part of the person and persistently seek out a mature
and compassionate person with whom you can review the situation. (You can
get outside help and still protect the person from pain causing breaches of
privacy.) Do not try to go it alone. Get help for the person and for
yourself. Distributing the anxieties and responsibilities of suicide
prevention makes it easier and much more effective.
9. FROM CRISIS TO RECOVERY
Most people have suicidal thoughts or feelings at some point in their lives;
yet less than 2% of all deaths are suicides. Nearly all suicidal people
suffer from conditions that will pass with time or with the assistance of a
recovery program. There are hundreds of modest steps we can take to improve
our response to the suicidal and to make it easier for them to seek help.
Taking these modest steps can save many lives and reduce a great deal of
human suffering.
Helping someone
threatening suicide
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