Symptons of a potential sucide victim
Major changes in sleep patterns
Major changes in eating habits
Withdrawal from friends and family
Loss of interest in favorite activities
Gives away prized possessions
Makes out a will
Obesses about death
Takes unnecessary risks
No plans for future
Major changes in life such
as starting a new school
Death of a close loved one
Perceived or actual abuse
Previous attempts
Sudden uplifting of spirits
(may mean that they have made
the decision to kill themself and know
the pain will soon be gone)
Suicide is usually not successful.
You think you know a way to guarantee it? Ask the 25 year old who tried to
electrocute himself. He lived. But both his arms are gone.
What about jumping? Ask John. He used to be intelligent, with an engaging
sense of humor. That was before he leaped from a building. Now, he's
brain-damaged and will always need care. He staggers and has seizures. He
lives in a fog. But, worst of all, he KNOWS he used to be normal.
What about pills? Ask the 12 year old with extensive liver damage from an
overdose. Have you ever seen anyone die of liver damage? You turn yellow.
It's a hard way to go.
What about a gun? Ask the 24 year old who shot himself in the head. Now he
drags one leg, has a useless arm and has no vision or hearing on one side.
He lived through his "foolproof" suicide. You might, too.
Who will clean your blood off the carpet or scrape your brains from the
ceiling? Commercial cleaning companies may refuse that job --- but SOMEONE
has to do it. Who will have to cut you down from where you hanged yourself
or identify your bloated body after you've drowned? Your mother? Your wife?
Your son?
The carefully worded "loving" suicide note is no help. Those who loved you
will NEVER completely recover. They'll feel regret and an unending pain.
Suicide is contagious
Look around at your family. Look closely at the 4 year old playing with his
cars on the rug. Kill yourself tonight, and he may do it 10 years from now.
You do have other choices
There are people who can help you through this crisis. Call a hot line. Call
a friend. Call your minister or priest. Call a doctor or hospital. Call the
police.
They will tell you that there's hope. Maybe you'll find it in the mail
tomorrow. Or in a phone call this weekend. But what you're seeking could be
just a minute, a day or a month away.
You say you don't want to be stopped? Still want to do it? Well, then, I may
see you in the psychiatric ward later. And we'll work with whatever you have
left.
The only way to know if someone is feeling suicidal is if you
ask
them and they tell you.
Help? Counselling? But isn't counselling just a waste of time?
Certainly it is true that counselling is not a magic cure-all. It will be
effective only if it empowers a person to build the sort of relationships
they
need for long-term support.
It is not a "solution" in itself, but it can be
a vital, effective and helpful step along the way.
Talk, talk, talk. It's all just talk. How's that going to help?
While it's not a long-term solution in itself, asking a person and having
them
talk about how they feel greatly reduces their feelings of isolation and
distress, which in turn significantly reduces the immediate risk of suicide.
People that do care may be reluctant to be direct in talking about suicide
because it's something of a taboo subject.
In the medium and longer term, it's important to seek help to resolve the
problems as soon as possible; be they emotional or psychological. Previous
attemptors are more likely to attempt suicide again, so it's very important
to
get unresolved issues sorted out with professional help or counselling as
necessary.10. How do telephone counselling services work?
Different services vary in what they offer, but in general you can ring up
and
speak anonymously to a counsellor about any sort of problem in a no-pressure
context that's less threatening than a face-to-face session. Talking the
situation over with a caring, independent person can be of great assistance
whether you're in a crisis yourself, or worried about someone else who is,
and
they usually have connections with local services to refer you to if further
help is required. You don't have to wait until the deepest point of crisis
or
until you have a life-threatening problem before you seek help.
Demand for telephone services vary, so the most important thing to remember
is
that if you can't get through on one, keep trying several until you do. You
should usually get through straight away, but don't give up or pin your life
on
it.
Many people that feel suicidal don't realize that help can be so close,
or
don't think to call at the time because their distress is so overwhelming.
What about me; am I at risk?
It's quite likely that some people that read this will one day attempt
suicide,
so here's a quick suicide prevention exercise: think of a list of 5 people
who
you might talk to if you had no-one else to turn to, starting with the most
preferred person at the top of the list. Form a "no-suicide contract" with
yourself promising that if you ever feel suicidal you will go to each of the
people on this list in turn and simply tell them how you feel; and that if
someone didn't listen, you'd just keep going until you found someone that
would. Many suicide attemptors are so distressed that they can't see
anywhere
to turn in the midst of a crisis, so having thought beforehand of several
people to approach would help.
How does suicide affect friends and family members?
Suicide is often extremely traumatic for the friends and family members that
remain (the survivors), even though people that attempt suicide often think
that no-one cares about them. In addition to the feelings of grief normally
associated with a person's death, there may be guilt, anger, resentment,
remorse, confusion and great distress over unresolved issues. The stigma
surrounding suicide can make it extremely difficult for survivors to deal
with
their grief and can cause them also to feel terribly isolated.
Survivors often find that people relate differently to them after the
suicide,
and may be very reluctant to talk about what has happened for fear of
condemnation. They often feel like a failure because someone they cared so
much about has chosen to suicide, and may also be fearful of forming any new
relationships because of the intense pain they have experienced through the
relationship with the person who has completed suicide.
People who have experienced the suicide of someone they cared deeply about
can
benefit from "survivor groups", where they can relate to people who have
been
through a similar experience, and know they will be accepted without being
judged or condemned. Most counselling services should be able to refer
people
to groups in their local area. Survivor groups, counselling and other
appropriate help can be of tremendous assistance in easing the intense
burden
of unresolved feelings that suicide survivors often carry.
Hang on; isn't it illegal though?
Doesn't that stop people?
Whether it is legal or not makes no difference to someone who is in such
distress that they are trying to kill themselves. You can't legislate
against
emotional pain so making it illegal doesn't stop people in distress from
feeling suicidal. It is likely to merely isolate them further, particularly
since the vast majority of attempts are unsuccessful, leaving the attemptor
in
a worse state than before if they're now a criminal as well. In some
countries it is not illegal.
14. But don't people have the right to kill themselves if they want to?
Yes, and it must always remain the person's own responsibility to choose
what
they wish to do. However, helping people to deal with their problems
better,
see their options more clearly, make better choices for themselves and avoid
choices that they would normally regret empowers people with their rights;
it
does not take their rights away.
HANDLING A CALL FROM A SUICIDAL PERSON
1. Be yourself. "The right words" are unimportant. If you are concerned,
your voice and manner will show it.
2. Listen. Let the person unload despair, ventilate anger. If given an
opportunity to do this, he or she will feel better by the end of the call.
No matter how negative the call seems, the fact that it exists is a positive
sign, a cry for help.
3. Be sympathetic, non-judgemental, patient, calm, accepting. The caller has
done the right thing by getting in touch with another person.
4. If the caller is saying "I'm so depressed, I can't go on," ask THE
QUESTION: "Are you having thoughts of suicide?" You are not putting ideas in
his head, you are doing a good thing for him. You are showing him that you
are concerned, that you TAKE HIM SERIOUSLY, that it is OK for him to share
his pain with you.
5. If the answer is yes, you can begin asking a series of further questions:
Have you thought about how you would do it (PLAN); Have you got what you
need (MEANS); Have you thought about when you would do it (TIME SET). 95% of
all suicidal callers will answer no at some point in this series or indicate
that the time is set for some date in the future. This will be a relief for
both of you.
6. Simply talking about their problems for a length of time will give suicidal people relief from loneliness and pent up feelings, awareness that another person cares, and a feeling of being understood. They also get tired - their body chemistry changes. These things take the edge off their agitated state and help them get through a bad night.
7. Avoid arguments, problem solving, advice giving, quick referrals,
belittling and making the caller feel that has to justify his suicidal
feelings. It is not how bad the problem is, but how badly it's hurting the
person who has it.
8. If the person is ingesting drugs, get the details (what, how much,
alcohol, other medications, last meal, general health) and call Poison
Control at ___________. A shift partner can call or you can get the caller's
permission and do it yourself on another phone while the caller listens to
your side of the conversation. If Poison Control recommends immediate
medical assistance, ask if the caller has a nearby relative, friend, or
neighbor who can assist with transportation or the ambulance.
In a few cases the person will initially refuse needed medical assistance.
Remember that the call is still a cry for help and stay with him in a
sympathetic and non-judgemental way. Ask for his address and phone number in
case he changes his mind. (Call the number to make sure it's busy.) If your
organization does not trace calls, be sure to tell him that.
9. Do not go it alone. Get help during the call and debrief afterwards.
10. Your caller may be concerned about someone else who is suicidal. Just
listen, reassure him that he is doing the right thing by taking the
situation seriously, and sympathize with his stressful situation. With some
support, many third parties will work out reasonable courses of action on
their own. In the rare case where the third party is really a first party,
just listening will enable you to move toward his problems. You can ask,
"Have you ever been in a situation where you had thoughts of suicide?"
WHAT DO YOU DO IF SOMEONE YOU TRIED TO HELP DOES
COMMITT SUIDENT?
Having been personality in several situations
recently where friends threatened to comitt suicide
I know the terror that rips through you.
Worse yet is that the person does attempt to
kill themself (sucessfully or unsucessfully)
because of the feelings of pain and guilt this
brings to you, being totally unable to help them
before it was too late to stop them.
I am NOT a professional and do not have many of
the answers, but I do know this much: YOU cannot
take the burden of what someone else did.
You tried and you did all you could to help.
When someone is so distraught that they no longer
have the desire or will to live, no amount of
coaxing or talking from friends and family may
be enough to stop them.
The guilt you feel is however normal, but you
need to step back and see the overall picture
and see that you did your part.
Praying for the person and knowing that they
are either getting the help they need, or at
peace with themselves is all you can do.
Getting on with your life and remaining ok
is the next thing on your list.
May you never be placed in this situation
though, and God Bless everyone concerned
if you are.
EUTHANASIA AND
PHYSICIAN ASSISTED SUICIDE: ALL SIDES
All About Suicide - Mental
Health Net
Online resourse and support for survivors of suicide
THE FIGHT AGAINST TEEN SUICIDE
LINKS TO MANY OTHER PAGES DEALING WITH SUCIDE